


That Old Egyptian Blessing

by elfin



Series: Intersections [4]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Anal Beads, Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cock Rings, Docking, Enemas, Hurt/Comfort, I've never used this many tags before, M/M, Medical Procedures, Not Watersports, Past Torture, Porn with Feelings, Read the warnings, Talk of Fisting, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 56,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27196279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfin/pseuds/elfin
Summary: Following the ISA's move to Minbar, John's continues to push against some of his own self-imposed boundaries.(Or, the one with all the sex.)
Relationships: John Sheridan/Jack Maynard
Series: Intersections [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899340
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	That Old Egyptian Blessing

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THESE WARNINGS  
>   
> This series follows the episode, Intersections In Real Time. In this part there are brief descriptions of past torture, mental and physical abuse and injury, some of which is canon, some of which is based on methods used for coercion. There are brief mentions of past object rape as torture. Please DO NOT READ THIS if you’re not comfortable.  
>   
> This part deals with the ISA’s move to Minbar and continues the progression of John’s recovery after Mars, with him pushing against some of his own self-imposed boundaries.  
>   
> There is A LOT of sex, most of it explicit, ALL of it 100% consensual and inside a loving and committed relationship. I mean A LOT. This is 70% porn, 30% h/c.  
>   
> There are toys, enema and fairly vanilla kinks. Once again, this is all consensual, all inside a loving relationship. There are descriptions of fantasies of M/M/M, but all scenes are M/M 'in reality'. This is two guys crazy in love with each other, exploring sex together.  
>   
> There are a couple of scenes involving medical procedures by a medical professional for medical purposes. Just a warning in case there needs to be one.  
>   
> I honestly didn’t know I had it in me to write all this…!  
>   
> 

**THAT OLD EGYPTIAN BLESSING**

January 2263

Tuzanor, Minbar

There was something in John’s eyes now that hadn’t been there when they first met, when a young Lieutenant Maynard had looked over at his even younger squadron and gazed for a moment too long at the fresh face and easy smile of Private John Sheridan. It hadn’t been there in that bar on Earth, Rodeo Joe’s, where they’d danced with drag queens and sang ‘New York, New York’ karaoke-style after several beers too many. Not on Ganymede, where they’d got a motel room together and had sex for the first time, or on Babylon 5 when the Cortez had stopped off for supplies and ended up staying for three weeks. 

It was a guarded truth that sat just behind the warm, friendly gaze; memories that haunted him in the daytime and stalked him in the dark. Jack could see the pain that still lurked in the blue eyes that looked at him with such adoration and love, and it hurt to know John would always live with the memory of betrayal, would always be wary of strangers and crowds, always be cautious of what lurked unseen around the corner, or through the next door. All Jack could do was love him, be there in all the ways John needed him to be, and make sure no-one ever again did to him what Garibaldi did.

*

‘Oh my God….’

The door of their new home opened into a spacious living room, with the dining area on the right, huge L-shaped sofa in front of an open fire pit on the left. In front of them, floor to ceiling, wall to wall glass looked out on the most incredible view Jack had ever seen. He was drawn to it, and as he approached it, the panels slid left and right, grouping into fours and vanishing into recesses, leaving him staring at a large balcony of smooth wood, surrounded on three sides by a silver-topped glass barrier, beyond which was wide open landscape; the tops of lush green trees, fields of brightly coloured blossoms, and mountain peaks in the distance. The sun, high above them, was warm, the air fresh, so unlike the air aboard a space station or a starship that it took a moment for Jack’s lungs to accept it was completely breathable.

‘Does everyone get this?’ he asked, in awe of the place.

‘I have no idea.’ John sounded just as affected as they stepped out and looked around. Through more glass on the left and the right they could see into a large open plan kitchen on one side, and a bedroom on the other. Jack crossed to look through the window. The bed was enormous, on a low but mercifully flat platform against the back wall. The two day trip on the White Star had been bad enough, John almost pissing himself laughing watching Jack make the same mistakes he’d presumably had made years before, trying to get comfortable on the slanted mattresses.

He could see a door on the other side and was slightly relieved the bathroom at least looked to have some semblance of privacy. He wondered if there was a bath. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d just lain soaking in a tub for hours, turning into a wrinkled prune.

He turned and looked over at John where he was leaning on the railing, staring out. ‘We should have brought you here a sooner. The sun, the warmth, all this fresh air….’ He would have healed so much faster, recovered so much easier, Jack was sure of it. He hoped the nightmares wouldn’t have so much power here.

John turned, leaned back against the glass and smiled at him as he wandered over. ‘On Mars, one of the interrogators asked me… if I wanted to walk out of the facility, and just feel the sun on my face and I said yes.’ Jack reached for his hand, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. Instead he found Jack’s other hand too and squeezed it. ‘Sometimes I think about everything that happened in order for us to be here like this, all the ‘what ifs’.’

Jack leaned in for a kiss. ‘You don’t think we’d have got here eventually, by some route or other?’

‘It’s a nice thought. But I think… if it wasn’t for what happened on Mars, you wouldn’t be here.’

‘I don’t like the idea that you had to suffer for us to reconnect. And we still might have had that moment ahead of the weapons platform exploding in our faces.’

‘Even if we had, you wouldn’t have had a reason to stay.’

‘Yes, I would.’ 

They shared a smile, and watched John tip his head back, eyes closed, basking the heat of the sun. He already looked more relaxed, warm for the first time since Mars. Just getting him off the station seemed to have lifted the weight of the universe from his shoulders. He was still president, still had all that responsibility, but maybe it wouldn’t feel as heavy here in this beautiful place, and maybe in a couple of years, Jack could talk him into handing over to someone else and retiring, stepping away and taking a few years for himself. For them. He knew it was only a fifty/fifty chance, but a man could dream.

He rubbed his beard gently against the smooth skin of John’s throat, kissing his adam’s apple, feeling John hum as clearly as he heard it. 

‘I want to ride you on that big bed, in full daylight, with the blinds open and the mountains watching us.’

John looked at him. ‘Why are we still standing here?’

Holding hands, they investigated the rest of the apartment like a pair of excited kids buying their first home. The bed was huge. Jack loved the open plan design of the place, but then he’d always been something of an exhibitionist. He wasn’t sure how John felt about it, but he seemed happy enough, especially when they opened the door to the bathroom and saw the size of the shower.

‘Oh, baby, we’re going to have some fun in there,’ Jack crowed. There was a bath too! An actual, honest to God bath that looked as if it could accommodate both of them without dumping a gallon of water onto the dark grey tiled floor. ‘Oh, and Mr President, I do not - repeat - do not want to ever find your socks drying in that shower.’ John laughed. ‘You’re out of uniform now. Use the laundry service like normal people.’

John caught him round the waist and pulled him close, kissed him in a way that Jack’s body interpreted as wanting to get naked as soon as possible. Preferably now. 

The shower was incredible; hot, and with water pressure that was like standing under a mountain waterfall. 

The gel soap felt slippery, smelt like sandalwood, and as they washed each other, Jack was starting to think of other applications it might have. With the water streaming between them, washing away the soapy bubbles, he stepped closer, lifting his head, John meeting him in a wet kiss. Dragging one hand up the inside of a taut thigh, he waited until he heard and felt a hum of consent before palming John’s balls gently, playing his fingers around them, between them. 

John had poured more of the gel in his hand, and when he slid his palm along the underside of Jack’s hardening erection, it made it difficult to concentrate, the gel making even a tight grip slippery. He felt it every time their dicks knocked against each other, and an idea popped into his mind.

‘Wait….’ John slowed and stopped, forehead against Jack’s. ‘Let me…. ’ Sliding his hand up, he took half a step back and carefully lined them up, tip to tip, hearing John’s intake of breath over the running water as sensitive skin rubbed against sensitive skin. The sensation was intense, but he hoped it was nothing compared to what was coming. Ever so gently, he pulled back John’s foreskin and tugged carefully on his own. Big hands came to rest lightly on his hips, head down, watching intently as he deliberately rubbed them tips together, fingers working himself loose enough to be able to ease his foreskin over the head of the other cock. He felt John’s knees try to give out, felt him lock them in place to keep himself standing as Jack slipped his skin further up, covering the smooth glans, sliding over the crown. He could feel John’s slit weeping against his own, slick and hot, a sensation more intimate than any other, and he stilled his hand, waiting for his orgasm to recede. When he could breathe again, he wrapped his hand around where they were sealed together, making small movements back and forth.

He raked his gaze over John’s face through the water falling between them, drinking in his blissful expression, 

‘Good?’

‘Christ, Jack, it feels so close to you, like I’m… a part of you.’

It was the most exquisite feeling, John’s slit pushing wetly up against his own, slipping and sliding as Jack firmed up his grip just a little and pushed them both closer to orgasm. The sounds John was making were perfect, little breathy moans, his whole body trembling as he came with a gasp that sounded like surprise.

Jack felt the filling of the space between them, John’s semen all around them, under his own foreskin as he held it over the head of John’s cock. Another firm stroke and Jack followed, shuddering, his own ejaculate mixing with John’s, feeling the odd stretch as their combined cum started to leak out. He held them together for a minute longer before easing back, watching John’s cock drop away, letting the water wash the fluid from him before gently smoothing John’s foreskin back into place, feeling him tense slightly then relax.

‘Why haven’t we done that before?’ he asked, wide-eyed, flushed, hands on Jack like he wasn’t sure he could let go.

‘I have no idea. But we should definitely do it again.’

It wasn’t until they were drying themselves that John noticed another hose coming out of the wall under the taps at the back of the shower cubicle. 

He leaned in, lifted it into his hand. ‘What do you think this is?’ It looked like a hose pipe, only made of a softer substance that felt like rubber, around half an inch in diameter, tapering to an opening about half that size. It pulled out of the wall for about a metre and a half, then stopped. There was a small tap next to it, and when he turned it, warm water ran out of the hose.

‘Maybe to clean the stall with?’

John shrugged and let go; the hose was pulled back into the wall until only a couple of inches remaining visible. 

*

The door chimed and John straightened, lifting the box he’d already started to pick up. ‘Open.’ He was relieved to see who was standing there. ‘Michael! You made it!’

‘I did.’ Garibaldi stepped inside the apartment, and a woman in a blue top and denim jeans stepped in behind him. He reached for her hand. ‘John, this is Lise. Lise, John.’

He balanced the box he was holding on his hip and reached to shake her hand. ‘It’s so good to finally meet you, Lise. I’ve heard so much about you.’

‘And I you, it’s an honour to meet you Mr President.’

He looked horrified. ‘Call me John, please. My friends don’t call me Mr President…’

‘That’s not true,’ a voice called out from behind a stack of three boxes, over by the wide open expanse where Michael was certain there should be a window, preferably with bullet proof glass. Jack straightened, smiling on his face. ‘I call you Mr President…. And put that down! You know you’re not supposed to lift anything heavy!’

John turned. ‘For the last time, I’m not pregnant!’

‘And that would be Jack,’ Michael told Lise as he crossed to look out at the mezzanine balcony and the view beyond it. ‘This place is a security nightmare!’

Jack frowned. ‘Trust you to find the downside in all this.’

‘He pays me to keep him safe.’

‘And you think a sharpshooter is going to fire from where? That mountain top fifty miles away?’ Michael glowered at Jack as he took a step closer, leaned in and murmured, ‘Just look at him.’

He did, watching John as he put down the box, making Lise laugh at something he’d had said. He was possibly explaining how Michael had made a comment in one of the ISA facility design meetings back on B5, blatantly lying about why John couldn’t drink alcohol, and that unfortunately half for some of the alien races it was actually possible for the male of the species to be pregnant. For ages they were pulling up chairs for him, and asking when the baby was due. 

That aside, he looked happy, relaxed; more than Michael remembered ever seeing him. He’d shaved off the goatee, making him look ten years younger. His hair was slightly longer, the same length it had been when their love affair had been at its peak. He was wearing a light blue shirt, open at the neck, instead of the usual woollen jumpers, and even next to Lise, he was still gorgeous, still made Michael’s dick twitch with interest.

Lise came through the apartment, out onto the balcony and leaned over the rail. ‘Oh my God, that is so beautiful.’ She turned to Michael. ‘Do we get this view?’

He laughed. ‘I doubt it.’

‘Presidential perks?’

‘Not exactly,’ John replied. ‘A gift, I think, from Delenn. She called it, ‘a thank you from the universe’.’

Michael looked around, east to west. ‘I hope she has it under covert, twenty-four hour surveillance.’

‘They’ll need to be open minded,’ Jack commented. ‘Given what we did out here last night.’

Lise laughed even as John prodded Jack in the ribs and Michael groaned quietly. ‘I did not need to hear that.’

‘You guys are across the…’ John waved a hand in the air. ‘Whatever they call the walkway out there. Stephen’s a couple of… blocks down.’

‘There are blocks?’

‘No. There are trees. Lots of trees. The Minbari architects seem to have decided trees will make Earthers feel at home. But the ISA facility is incredible. Stephen’s spent the last week drooling all over his new labs.’

‘Well, this place obviously suits you,’ Michael gave him that. ‘You look better than you have done in years.’

John nodded. ‘It’s beautiful here. To feel the sun… it’s incredible. And when it rains, it’s real.’

‘It makes Mars look like a dumping ground,’ Lise murmured, obviously impressed, and Michael hoped it meant she wouldn’t mind moving here. He also doubted anyone hated Mars more than John, saw Jack hook his arm around his waist, and thought it best to change the subject.

‘So, given that I haven’t even set foot in my place yet, let alone had time to stock the kitchen, let me buy us all dinner tonight. Where’s a good place to eat around here?’

*

They met up with Stephen and Maise a few hours later, at a Minbari restaurant on the ISA plaza, and the six of them got a table at the back. There was a lot to talk about, a lot to catch up on, and the conversation flowed.

It was Michael who brought up the hose in the shower, asking if any of the others had one and what they thought it was for. Jack said they’d imagined it was for cleaning, and Michael’s expression suggested they’d thought along the the same lines, but not for cleaning the shower. Stephen confirmed it.

‘The Minbari have very strict cleaning rituals. They wash with a chemical that removes the dead skin from the outside of their bodies, but they also clean inside. They have… a sack-like area at the end of the bowel. After they’ve… evacuated that, they clean it out.’ 

Jack almost choked on his beer, relieved they’d finished eating. ‘It’s for enemas?’ Why hadn’t they thought of that?

‘Yes.’

John was the one to ask the pertinent question, ‘You’ve… tried it?’

Stephen shrugged, not at all embarrassed. ‘As long as you’re careful, it can be… an interesting experience. Just follow the instructions. It’s a perfectly natural thing. And a lot less messy done in the shower. Just don’t push the hose too far up, and don’t try to use too much water all at once.’

Jack wasn’t sure about it at all, but oddly, John looked interested. 

*

For the most part, they let others take on the job of organising their wedding. They both wanted a small, private affair; friends and family only. No gifts, no fuss. Just something to make their previous, intimate commitment to one another official. 

Jack looked over the guest list one evening, a week or so before the event, and was slightly surprised to see Pat’s name, his ex-2CO from the Cortez, who had his own command now. 

‘Did you invite Captain Patrick?’

John looked up from reading the order of service. ‘I think Susan added him. You don’t have any family and she spent some time with him while the Cortez was at B5. I think she thought you two were friends.’ He sounded a little confused.

‘We were… are, I suppose.’ He tapped his fingers against the table. ‘Okay, full disclosure? Once, it did go further than just friends….’

John’s eyes widened, just for a moment. ‘Okay. For how long?’

‘No, just once.’ He went over to perch on the sofa where John was sitting. ‘One random night after we’d dissuaded a couple of pirate vessels they didn’t want to take on an EarthForce Explorer ship, and we were still high on the adrenaline, he asked if he could… suck me off. And… yeah, my hitherto iron resolve of never getting involved with a ship mate, never mind one of my command staff, slipped, and I let him. He was good too; what he lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm. It didn’t happen again, and things never felt awkward. Even though he did it while I sat in the captain’s chair, and after he was done, he said, ’thank you, Sir’.’ He met John’s stare. ‘Sorry. I should have told you sooner.’

‘On the Agamemnon, you said you’d never-‘

‘-I said I’d never dated anyone on the Cortez and that’s true. I swear, it was that one time, like it was something he had to get out of his system.’

For a few seconds, John didn’t speak, and Jack started to worry he was upset. Then he said, ‘In the captain’s chair?’

‘There was no one else around. It wasn’t like the entire command staff were watching.’

He shook his head like he was disappointed with himself. ‘I can’t believe I never got a blow job in the captain’s chair.’

Jack was so utterly relieved, he thought about offering to get them both aboard a White Star and rectify that. ‘I should have told you. I’m sorry.’

‘Hey, if we sat and told each other about every one of our sexual encounters, I suspect we’d be here for a very long time. It’s just… I’m going to be shaking his hand, knowing he knows what your cock feels like in his mouth, knowing he knows what you taste like when you come.’

‘Welcome to my world.’ He couldn’t help it, and almost apologised until he saw the flash in John’s eyes. ‘It turns you on….’

‘I… have this… fantasy. And it’s just that, not something I ever want to do….’

Jack ached to touch, but there was something deeply erotic about having this entire conversation fully clothed, with space between them. ‘I know the difference,’ he reassured.

He watched John look away, twisting his fingers together. He was so sweet sometimes, when he was embarrassed but determined to plough on. ‘I… think of you in my lap, your back to me, my cock so deep inside you I can press on your abdomen and feel it. You’re leaning back, head on my shoulder, and there’s a third man standing in front of us, with his big cock in your mouth. I’m just watching the stretch of your lips around it, watching it move slowly in and out, not too far, just so you’re drooling around it, loving it, loving me watching it fuck your mouth while I fuck your ass.’

Jack groaned, reached between his legs and rubbed his erection with the heel of his hand. The next thing he knew, John’s hand was there instead, kneading him firmly through the material of his trousers as he climbed over the cushions to kneel beside him. He sank back and gave himself over to John’s hand, to the mouth plundering his. 

‘You’d like that?’

He met John’s suddenly possessive gaze. The image was very much a turn on, even more so knowing John would never allow another man to touch him, never mind put his cock in his mouth. ‘I’m yours. Only yours.’

‘Good.’

His zipper was pulled down and John’s hand pushed obscenely into his pants, exposing his cock to the room, cupping his balls, firm fingers working along his perineum, brushing his hole. He raised his hips, happy to take John dry like this if that’s what he wanted, but the hand moved back up to wrap around his cock, tongue fucking into his mouth. It didn’t take long, this whole scene had been like something out of wet dream and he came ashamedly quickly, not bothering to hold off, just letting his body respond honestly to John’s propetiary touches, to the assault on his mouth and the thought of seeing Pat and knowing this was what John would be thinking about when he shook his hand.

John stilled, fingers coated in his semen, resting on his softening cock. ‘Love this part,’ he murmured, and Jack was lost for a moment. ‘Love it when you’re resting, soft and sticky, in my hand.’ 

His spent cock gave an appreciative twitch and he moaned. ’You have to stop talking.’

Kissing him almost chastely, John murmured, ‘Aw, my mouth too much for you?’

‘It would be too much for anyone,’ Jack clarified, stroking his hand over the back of John’s head and bringing them together in a long, deep kiss, just to shut him up. ‘Pat is the soul of discretion,’ he reassured, nibbling John’s bottom lip gently. ‘He’ll be driving himself crazy worrying that he’s given the president’s new husband head, and someone’s going to shoot him the moment he sets foot on the planet.’

‘As long as he didn’t hurt you, as long as it was good for you, no one’s going to shoot him.’

Jack smiled at him. ‘Nothing’s ever felt as good as it does with you,’ he murmured, and meant it. At the start of this, he’d been constantly amazed at the intensity not just of his feelings, but of every sensation. He’d thought he’d known what a great blow job felt like, how good it was to be touched, how wonderful it was to fuck and be fucked, until he’d experienced it all with John. Loving him, having that love mirrored back at him, changed everything, enhanced everything, and knowing he was the only one who would touch and be touched by this man ever again was the most intense feeling of them all. 

‘I want to promise to forsake all others,’ he murmured softly, and John lifted his hand and kissed his fingers, ‘in the vows we make.’ They were still writing them, trying to get the wording right, unsure of what to say. ‘I want everyone to hear it, but you don’t have to….’

‘I want to.’ John straddled him. ‘I’m yours, Jack, body and soul.’ 

Jack rested his hands on John’s hips, thumb brushing the length of his erection through the fabric of his pants. ‘Thank you.’

‘Jack….’ Maybe he was going to say something, but Jack continued to stroke him, long swipes of his thumb, firm through the cloth, and John lost himself, pressing into his touch. 

‘If I think about a third man with us,’ Jack murmured, ‘he has to be sucking on you, following your every instruction, with his hands behind his back, not touching you with any other part of himself.’ John thrust against his thumb, and Jack knew he needed more. ‘You’re sitting in my arms, with my cock deep inside you, safe; knowing I will never let him hurt you, never let him do anything you don’t want him to do.’ He unzipped John’s trousers, unfastening the top button, pulling the loose elastic of his boxers down under his balls, stroking the back of his hand up the underside of his erection. ‘The only thing he will do is suck you and swallow when you come. While all the time, it’ll be me holding you, me inside you, kissing you, touching you. If he wants to jerk himself off to the sight of us, to you fucking yourself on my cock, that’s all he gets, that and the taste of you in his mouth-‘ 

John came with a surprised cry, with Jack having barely touched him.

‘I swear, I could come from just listening to you talk.’

‘Maybe we could try that,’ he suggested. ‘Just sit facing one another, naked, sharing fantasies; see how far we can get before one of us breaks and has to touch.’

‘Seconds,’ John guessed. ‘I can’t keep my hands off you at the best of times.’ 

It was a fair point. Even now, he was still stroking John’s soft cock where it lay against his own, sticky with semen, gently playing with his balls in a way he hoped was more soothing than arousing. 

‘Are there any other vows we should be taking?’

‘Not to wear each other out before we’re sixty?’

Laughing, Jack shook his head. ‘That’s not a promise I can, in all good conscience, make, given how fucking gorgeous you are.’

‘All the more reason to make it.’ John sat up, and just the debauched sight of him made Jack’s cock twitch. Maybe he was right, because at this rate he was going to be a worn out husk within a year. 

*

They held their private wedding ceremony in the Gardens of Tuzanor, with the sun shining. At John’s request, it was officiated by Reverend William Dexter, who made the journey from Earth, and he was joined by Brother Theo. But the ceremony wasn’t a religious one. Only close friends and family were invited; Susan and Marcus, Michael and Lise, Stephen and Maise, John’s parents along with his sister, Delenn, Londo and G’Kar, along with Pat and Kate, who caused consternation when the Agamemnon popped out in Minbari space. Jack didn’t have any living family, but John’s had already accepted him as a member of theirs. 

It was as informal as a ceremony could be on Minbar. John, dressed in a dark blue suit, promised to love, honour and protect his new husband, to always be honest with him, never to hide himself from him, and to forsake all others. Jack, wearing a simple white shirt and black trousers, vowed to love and honour John, to always be honest, to forsake all others and lastly to stand between him and harm. They held hands as they made their vows, wearing the rings they’d exchanged on Babylon 5.

As they shared an almost chaste kiss in front of the small gathering of people who loved them, Londo turned to G’Kar and asked quietly, ‘Who is he?’

‘Who is who?’

‘This man our president has just committed himself to?’

‘Married, Mollari, they got married. In most cultures that is a joyous thing, to be celebrated.’

‘I’ll have to take your word for that. Who is he?’

G’Kar stared at him. ‘Jack Maynard. He was a starship captain, Sheridan’s first CO. Now he’s the ISA’s Director of Strategy! How do you not know this?’

‘I don’t get off Centauri Prime as much as I once did, or would like to.’

‘He and John have been together for over a year. Mr Maynard was aboard the same ship as Sheridan during the final battle with their renegade Earth president. He was at the inauguration.’ 

‘Well, they look happy I suppose. Same sex couples are rare on my world, and there has never been a marriage between two males.’ 

‘No. I imagine not.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Only the obvious, that if two male Centauri tried to have any kind of intimate relationship, the battle for dominance would surely end in death.’

‘I think you’re right.’

‘But I believe that two men used to negotiating their way out of dangerous situations before having to resort to violence, have a fairly good chance of making a relationship work.’

‘Again, G’Kar, you’re probably right.’

‘I am right. So be happy for them, drink the champagne, and try to smile. It’s good for your face.’

Afterwards there was a party with food and drink, music and dancing. John deliberately sought out Pat and shook his hand, thanking him for coming. The poor guy could barely look him in the eye. 

*

One morning, a few days after the ceremony, Jack found John in the bathroom, robe hanging open from his shoulders, ready for a shower but contemplating the hose hanging out of the cubicle wall.

‘So… how does it work?’

‘The enema? Well, according to Stephen,’ (that had been an interesting conversation) ‘you insert the narrow end inside you, carefully, turn on the water, wait until you feel… full. Turn the water off, then remove the hose and either hold it, or insert something to stop the water coming out. Wait for a few minutes, then let it come out. If you start to feel cramps, or it starts to hurt, let it out immediately.’ 

‘Have you tried it? I mean, ever?’

‘No.’ He was curious about John’s curiosity. ‘Do you want to?’ He would have bet on the answer being an immediate no, but he’d have been wrong.

‘I don’t know. On one hand, it would be a nice thing to do for you. On the other, I’m not sure I like the sound of it.’

‘Want me to try it? Report back?’

‘Do you want to?’

Jack shrugged. ‘Hey, I’ll try anything once.’ He shrugged off his robe. 

‘Now?’

‘As good a time as any.’

‘Want me to help?’

‘If you want to.’ The hose looked slim enough not to present any problems getting it inside, but it was an inanimate object, and they hadn’t made any progress on that side of things yet. John nodded, uncertain but willing. 

Jack stepped into the long, wide shower, squeezing gel soap on to his fingers, pulling the hose out of the wall and lubricating the end. He wasn’t sure what it was made of, but the walls of it were thin and it felt smooth and malleable. It was going to slide inside him without any resistance, he was sure of that.

He handed it to John who crouched down as Jack turned his back to him and spread his legs, putting his hands on the wall. It was a turn on just to feel his husband spread his cheeks to reveal his hole and his dick twitched, suddenly interested in the proceedings. There was a definite hesitation on John’s part, but it wasn’t long before the hose was slipping easily inside. Even with a couple of inches in him, there was hardly any stretch.

‘Is it okay?’ 

‘Yeah, it’s fine.’ 

He reached down and turned the faucet. The hose filled and hardened, and he started at the strange sensation of something inside him suddenly expanding, even if it was only slightly. He felt the pressure of the water in his guts, building quickly, filling him in a way that was neither pleasant or unpleasant, just unusual. He saw John’s arm reach around, his hand spread over his abdomen, not putting any pressure on him, just stroking. It was a weird feeling. He turned the tap, stopped the water and took a deep breath. 

‘When I say so, slide the hose out slowly, okay?’

‘Okay.’

He took another deep breath and clenched around the tube. ‘Now.’

It was a relief to feel the hose leave his body, and his guts wanted relief from the water sloshing inside them. It was an effort to keep it inside, and he turned the shower on, aware of John standing behind him, hands resting lightly on his belly. 

‘How does it feel?’

‘Strange.’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘No… not exactly. It’s a weird kind of full though.’ He focused on John’s hands, the glint as his wedding ring caught the light on its way down to stroke his cock. He wasn’t hard from the enema, but at the light brush of fingers over his balls, his erection started to fill. He closed his eyes, tried to concentrate on John, but was finding it increasingly difficult. 

‘I need to let go,’ he warned, and let John step back before he relaxed his sphincter, feeling the water leak out at first, then run freely as he relaxed completely, the pressure immediately easing, relief slamming into him as the the water ran out of him and down his legs. John came back to stand behind him, put his hands back on his abdomen and rubbed gently until the last of it had drained, pressing kisses along his shoulders, nipping the skin gently between his teeth. When it was over, John wrapped his hand around Jack’s erection and let it lazily rise and fall, stroking him. He let John take his weight, leaned back against the solidity of him. Closing his eyes, turning his face up to the water, he lost himself in the curious empty feeling inside, the increasing pressure on his cock, John’s voice murmuring soft words of love and encouragement. When he came, it was a long, drawn out orgasm, rolling over him in waves of bliss, the water washing away his semen as it was coaxed from him. 

For a moment, he thought his knees might give way, and he was glad of John holding him upright. 

‘The orgasm was a lot nicer than the enema,’ he murmured.

He took the soap when John handed it to him, and cleaned himself, even though the water had already washed away all traces of both. John stood back, still under the spray, giving Jack space, and it was a minute before he was able to turn and meet his gaze. ‘I don’t know how you’ll get on with it, but if you still want to try….’ John nodded. ’We can stop at any time, and you’ll have control of the water. You can just turn it off it when it gets uncomfortable.’

He stopped the shower and they swapped places. 

Jack washed the nozzle of the hose and lubricated it well before he eased it inside John’s body. Up to now, he’d been happy to have Jack’s tongue, cock and any number of his fingers inside him, but anything inanimate, however slim was still a no go, which was why his fascination with this was so interesting. He pushed a couple of inches inside before stopping. ‘How does that feel?’

‘Fine, actually. I almost can’t feel it.’

‘It’s a bit disconcerting when the water starts.’ He held the hose in place, watched John turn the faucet and felt it harden as it filled. John groaned softly, and that surprised him. ‘Good?’

‘Yeah. Good.’ Surprised, he reached around and touched John’s significant erection. 

‘That good, huh?’ 

‘I can feel it, filling me like it won’t quit.’ 

Jack held the hose in place, amazed that John was taking so much more than he’d managed. He reached around, gently pressing on John’s abdomen, and he yelped, turning off the faucet. Jack felt his erection bounce against his wrist. 

‘Hang on.’ He crouched down. ‘I’m going to use my finger to plug you.’ Carefully, he slid his lubricated middle finger up behind the hose, pressing into John’s body, feeling the warmth of the water still in the tube. He pointed his index and ring fingers towards John’s balls and eased the hose out, pressing his hand between his cheeks, effectively creating a seal. Then he straightened slowly, reaching around to stroke John’s belly. He could feel the subtle tremors from the effort of staying upright, of being filled and staying filled with water, plugged by Jack’s finger. He was surprised when the tip of John’s erection bounced against his hand.

‘You are so hard….’ He was amazed.

‘Jerk me off, Jack, please….’

Stunned, he nodded. ‘It would be my absolute pleasure.’ 

Wrapping his hand around John’s already leaking cock, he started to pump him with a firm grip. John was still leaning his weight on his hands against the tiled wall, thrusting up through Jack’s fist. He was so uninhibited at this moment that Jack couldn’t help himself; he pushed a second finger into John’s ass, breaking the seal, feeling some of the water leaking over his hand. 

‘Turn the shower on.’ 

John did, and Jack added a third finger, fucking him in time with his hand on his cock, water dribbling over his skin. John was shaking, begging, hips thrusting between the penetration of his ass, the pressure in his guts and the hot tight sheath around his cock. He threw his head back and cried out, coming hard. Jack felt it, felt the cum coating his hand before the water took it, felt the clench around his fingers before he pulled out. The rest of the water ran from John’s body, down his legs, mixing with the hot water from the shower.

‘Christ, Jack….’ 

He wrapped his arms around John’s waist, pressing up against his back. ‘Wow.’ 

‘Yeah.’ He sounded like he was trying to remember how to breathe. 

Picking up the soap, Jack let him go and washed his back, his ass, thighs and legs before turning him and washing his chest.

Eventually, Jack turned off the shower and they stumbled out of the cubicle together, reaching for the towels. Jack gave John time and space to collect himself, and was surprised when he reached for him, going willingly, hugging right back.

‘You okay?’

John nodded. ‘It was intense.’

‘You obviously got more out of that me. I didn’t expect you to.’

‘Neither did I. But the unrelenting feeling of being filled while knowing I’m in control of it…. That was such a turn on.’ He loved being stretched and filled by Jack, taking him deep and keeping him there, so maybe it shouldn’t have been the surprise that it was. ‘Thanks for doing it.’

‘I’m happy to try these things. I love being involved in giving you an orgasm, especially one so obviously good.’ When John stepped back, he seemed almost ashamed by what they done. ‘Hey. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. One day soon I’m going to do that to you with a cock ring around you, and when you’re all clean inside, I’m going to lie you down and get as far inside you as I can, eat your ass and make you come by fucking you with my tongue.’ John shivered against him. 

‘You’re every one of my fantasies,’ John murmured.

‘I live to please.’ 

John sat on the edge of the bath, put his hands on Jack’s hips and pulled him towards him. Not that Jack put up much of a protest. ‘I’m at least half an hour late for work,’ he murmured softly. ‘I’ve missed at least one meeting already.’ They kissed, slow and deep, until he’d missed at least one more.

*

The most direct route from their new home to the ISA offices was along the walkway that ran outside their place, past Michael and Lise’s apartment, and through a plaza of small stores and eateries that reminded Jack of the Zocalo on B5, only not as noisy, smelly or utterly chaotic. 

The first door marked ISA led onto a mezzanine above a large hall in which public meetings were held, and often smaller, informal ones at random intervals during the day. Jack had wondered inside on a whim, just to take a look, on his way to the Department of Strategy and Negotiation. It had taken him a week to create a mental map of how to get to his own office. There was a great deal of the place he hadn’t even seen yet.

He leaned over the railing and smiled. John, Michael and Susan were standing on the raised staging, obviously making arrangements for some big meeting the way Michael was pointing to the entrances and likely arguing the point that they needed a larger security presence than John wanted. It was taking him time to relax after the volatility of B5. They’d been there over a month already and no one had done more than glance at the president.

‘Good morning, Jack.’

Startled out of his revere, he turned his head and smiled at Delenn. He still didn’t know her all that well, despite everything, and wondered if he should make an effort. Certainly John spoke of her with a deep affection. 

‘Good morning.’

‘And what has you so enthralled in our council room this morning?’ She followed his gaze to where the B5 triumvirate were laughing over some shared joke. ‘Ah, yes.’ Her smile was wonderfully genuine. ‘He is a very good looking man.’ Jack was slightly taken aback by that. ‘Did you know, there was an ancient prophecy that the Vorlon ambassador interpreted as meaning John and I were supposed to develop a relationship, in order to better fight the darkness.’ He had literally no response. ‘For a while, I kept looking to him for some sign that he felt anything above and beyond our friendship. But I did not know what I was looking for until I saw the way he looks at you. Then I realised he’d never looked at me with anything but respect, and once in a while, with awe.’ Jack smiled, because she seemed to be inviting it. ‘It is my belief that all the prophecies in the universe wouldn’t sway John from the path he has chosen.’ He wasn’t sure what to say, so he didn’t say anything.’ She remained at his side in silence for a short time, before, ‘May I ask you a question?’

‘I can’t guarantee you’ll get a satisfactory answer….’

‘Did you fight in the Earth-Minbari war?’

Jack hesitated. ‘We all did. Every EarthForce solider, every pilot.’

‘And... were you hurt?’

‘My ship was destroyed in a battle close to the Epsilon sector. I was very lucky. I made it to a survival pod, and I was picked up by a cargo ship bound for Io. Unfortunately, that was attacked too. I don’t actually remember getting back to Earth. Apparently we were drifting in space for a day or so before a Narn cruiser found us and took the survivors on board. Three of us. I had… severe internal injuries. The first thing I do remember is waking in a field hospital on Earth, a nurse fiddling….’ He trailed off. ‘Anyway, it took me a couple of months to recover. By then, we were almost done for. When they asked for people to take command the remaining destroyers for the last stand, trying to give as many of our civilians as possible the chance to evacuate, I stuck my hand up and limped onto the Agamemnon.’ He took a shivery breath. ‘Sorry, I don’t talk about this very often.’ She put a hand on his arm, but didn’t say anything; let him compose himself. ‘I read the roster as I boarded, and I saw John’s name. He’d volunteered as a pilot; he was part of the Starfury squadron that was already locked and loaded, ready to launch. When the final assault on Earth started, I watched wave after wave of Starfuries get torn apart right in front of us, pilots burned and spaced. The order came through to launch our squadrons, and I… I hesitated. I was about to send one of my oldest friends out to die. Maybe he’d last a few minutes, he was a great pilot, but I knew that’s all he’d have. I heard his voice over the comms, asking for permission to launch. And I gave it with tears in my eyes.’ He gripped the rail. ‘In the next second, the Minbari guns fell silent. They were surrendering. I relayed the stand-down order to the squadron, and John’s voice came back.’ He smiled at the memory. ‘He just said, ‘Stinky, is that you?’ I’ll never forget it. The absolute relief and joy in his voice. Not that it was me, obviously, but at not needing to die.’

‘I’m sure a small part of it was that it was you,’ Delenn told him, smile on her face. ‘Given how deeply he obviously loves you, it is clear that he always has, in one way or another. I’m sorry, for the suffering you experienced and the suffering you witnessed.’

’It was a long time ago. But, thank you.’ He refocused on the small group below. They were still chatting, Michael indicating various places around the large hall, presumably spots he believed to be vulnerable areas. The man was a genius when it came to security, Jack had to give him that. Although sometimes it rankled that he was responsible for John’s personal safety, there was no denying he was the best man for the job.

‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Of course.’

‘Was John happy aboard Babylon 5? I mean, before everything went to hell.’

Delenn seemed to consider that. ‘He was. He, Susan and Michael kept each other, as you say, up? They made one another laugh. He was in command for a year or so before the war, and the station felt like a happy place for a while, although the darkness was already creeping in around the edges. It wasn’t long before he had to make the difficult decision to separate Babylon 5 from Earth, turn his ships and weapons on his own people…. He was close to the Vorlon Ambassador, I think, as close as one can be to a Vorlon, and his death hit John hard. After that, everything started to unravel. When he returned from Z’Ha’Dum, I believe Michael’s behaviour towards him upset him more than he ever let on, but he kept fighting, while president Clarke tried to destroy him piece by piece.’

John’s laugh reached them from the floor below, a beautiful sound to Jack’s ears. He watched Michael and Susan laughing too, Michael’s hand on John’s shoulder, and felt nothing but relief they’d been there as much as they had been for him - for each other - as much as they could be, universe allowing.

‘He deserves to be happy.’ Delenn said. ‘He deserves to be loved. And now, he is both.’

Jack stayed at the railing for a while after Delenn had gone. It was dark up there, light on the ground floor, he was fairly sure John couldn’t see him. He wasn’t spying, was just watching. He loved seeing John like this; relaxed, unguarded, safe with his friends, people who would protect him with their lives and were trained, skilled enough to do just that. Jack felt like they were protecting his heart. Then he felt like a sap for even thinking it.

*

John was late to bed that night. Late meetings were few and far between, but now and again time differences with other worlds meant one was necessary. Jack had gone to bed an hour ago, but the soft warm light that illuminated the room was still on. He was lying on his front, covers up over his ass, reading from what looked like an old book of some kind, which was lying open on the pillow. John undressed and joined him, shifting until he was shoulder to shoulder, stroking a hand over his bare back, dropping a kiss to one shoulder.

‘What are you reading?’

‘Minbari courtship rituals. Did you know they have over fifty of them?’

‘Delenn said something along those lines when I asked her about getting married here. Why are you reading them?’

‘Something she said…. It doesn’t matter. I was just interested. They’re weird. It seems to start with the female watching the male sleep, and moves through many stages of intimacy until they basically have non-penetrative sex, while family and friends sit in the next room making sure things don’t get out of hand.’

‘What happens if it’s two Minbari of the same gender?’

‘I suppose one partner assumes the role of female, one of male. It wouldn’t make any difference, because most of the rituals seem to be reversed. There are pages here around feeding each other, even cleaning each other - that one could easily get out of hand, I promise you.’

Scratching his fingernails gently through Jack’s recently trimmed beard, John suggested, ‘We should try a couple of them, without the chaperones.’

Jack skipped ahead a few pages. ‘Well, there is one here…. Shan-fall. The prospective couple spend one night together uncovering each others’ centres of pleasure, with deliberation, respect and meditation.’

‘Presumably the meditation is….’

’To stop it getting out of hand?’ Jack closed the book and dropped it carefully to the floor next to the bed. 

‘If we’re going to do it properly, we should probably have candles, the Minbari love candles. And massage oil.’ 

Jack looked to the side, regarding John curiously. ‘How do you know the Minbari even have massage oil?’

‘Every race has massage oil.’ He smiled, eyes dancing. ‘What’s this really about?’

‘Delenn told me... the Vorlon Ambassador - Kosh? - thought you and she were destined to be together.’

He laughed, and Jack could see he thought he was being wound up. ‘What?’

‘There’s a prophecy, apparently.’

‘Saying she and I would... get together? There are prophecies about that kind of thing?’

‘I know you said you never-‘

‘I never.’ John shifted closer, got his arms around Jack and moved until they were skin to skin, face to face. ‘Does anything in my sexual history point to me falling in love with a Minbari?’

‘No, but you’re the type of guy who falls in love with no thought about gender, skin colour, race….’

‘I might give some it some thought before I jumped into an interspecies relationship. There was only Michael before you on B5. You know all about that. Before him, there was Anna, before Anna there was Liz, and between the two of them, there was you.’

‘I’m sure there have been others.’

‘One night stands, meaningless on both sides, just a bit fun, a release of tension….’

‘I was a one night stand.’

‘You were never that. Ganymede always meant something more.’

John kissed him, just a touch to his lips but Jack deepened it, wrapped one leg around John’s knee and shifted his hips, sliding their already hardening cocks together, making John gasp and moan. He felt Jack’s warm hand on his back, skimmed down to the swell of his ass, dry finger tracing the line of his cleft, brushing gently over his hole. His body tensed but he quickly relaxed when he didn’t push, didn’t do anything more than touch, tease, all the while making little movements that changed the touch points of their erections in a maddening way. 

John stroked Jack’s leg, lifting it slightly higher, exploring for himself. He traced the crease of Jack’s thigh where it met his ass, the heat of him as he returned the tease of fingertips brushing over his hole and down, stroking along his perineum to the back of his balls, twisting his wrist to gently cup them, rolling them in a way that made Jack buck against him. 

The hand on his cock tightened, pressing him up against the length of Jack’s erection, sliding them together, the friction working to a point, but it wasn’t enough. 

Jack untangled himself, leaving John bereft for a second and slightly confused as he watched the covers being kicked away. 

‘Scoot down.’ John did as instructed, not completely understanding until Jack turned and lay face to face with his groin, grasping his erection and sliding his mouth down its length in a smooth, easy stroke. For a second or two John watched, the view spectacular, the sensations short-circuiting his brain. He loved the slight scratch of Jack’s beard against his skin. Then he turned his head, wrapped a gentle hand around Jack’s cock, and tongued the head of it. He felt Jack’s moan as a hum around his own shaft and slid down further, taking him into his mouth inch by inch. Jack didn’t move into him, didn’t canter his hips forward, he’d never rushed this and on occasion it made John wonder... when he and Michael had done this, it had been rougher, on both sides. 

John shifted and took Jack into his mouth until the tip of his nose was pressed against his balls, the head of the big cock connecting with the back of his throat. Without warning, his brain supplied the feeling of a hand in his hair, gripping painfully, holding him in place. He tried to suck in oxygen, panicking, and in the next moment it was gone. He pulled back, giving himself room to breathe. 

Jack had lifted off, pulled back and was looking down at him, reaching for him. ‘Okay?’

John nodded. He was just imagining it, but it made him wonder if there was something he didn’t remember that his brain was trying to shake loose. He knew that Jack loved to feel hands in his hair, on his head, the pressure of them when he was on his knees with a cock in his mouth, but he’d never tried it when their positions were reversed, just the lightest of fingertips through John’s hair. As if not to frighten him. 

He put his hand out, lacing his fingers between Jack’s, watching as that wicked mouth went back to sucking gently on him, firm tongue licking into his slit before taking him all the way in, cheeks hollowing around him. He went back to sucking on Jack’s cock, loving this, the sounds he could coax from his husband. He could feel his orgasm building in his balls; thrust his hips forward, and loved that Jack was able to take it, feeling himself hit the back of his throat and coming with a grunt. 

A second later, Jack was pulsing into his mouth, body shuddering with the force of it. John swallowed, licking the shaft until it softened, until he was done, letting it pop out from between his lips and licking the soft skin of his balls, loving the effect it had. Jack’s pushed his face further into John’s groin, beard just rough enough on all the over-sensitised places to feel wonderful, tongue and mouth still ever so gently working him. 

When it was too much, when he was shaking with the aftershocks, John rolled onto his back, lifting his head and glancing down, grinning at Jack’s smug expression. 

‘I have all the best ideas.’

‘Yes, you do. Get up here.’ 

He grabbed the covers, pulling them up with him as he dropped down along John’s side, one arm wrapping around his waist, head on his shoulder. John put his hand on Jack’s hip, fingers at first restless on his skin, before settling. 

‘I love you, John.’ 

He almost asked, but didn’t. ‘I love you too.’

*

Jack woke, suddenly, images from his dream frozen on pause in his head. He turned over onto his back and looked up to see John watching him, concern clear in his eyes, hand still on Jack’s shoulder.

He couldn’t believe it. ‘Seriously? Now I’m having nightmares?’ 

‘That’s what it sounded like.’

All that was left in his head was a ball of fire and a scorched corpse. It didn’t take a genius to interpret that. He closed his eyes, let out a deep breath, felt John kiss his shoulder. 

‘Did I wake you?’

‘No. I was just about to get up.’

‘So you too?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Bad?’

‘I’ve had worse.’

‘Tea?’

Jack walked out of the kitchen with two mugs and stopped in his tracks. John was out on the balcony, naked in the warm night air.

‘I really hope Michael’s wrong about that twenty four hour surveillance.’

‘Delenn wouldn’t agree to anyone spying on the President.’

He wasn’t sure how much tea was going to get drunk. He put the mugs down on the table in the living room and went out, wrapping his arms around John from behind. He’d found early on in this relationship that he had a kink for being fully clothed when John was butt naked, or wrapping his own naked body around John’s fully clothed one. He was only wearing his gown but it had the same effect. He touched his lips to the back of John’s neck, kissed around to the hollow of his shoulder, nipping the curve of his neck with his teeth.

‘What was yours?’ he murmured. 

‘The usual. Dark room, bright light in my eyes… someone putting a needle in my arm. But it was huge, too long, and they kept pushing it further in….’ It was testament to how comfortable John was in their new home that he was happy to be so exposed; a testament to his recovery that he could have this conversation while standing stark naked out on the balcony. Jack tightened his arms, rested his cheek against warm skin. John pushed his hands up inside the sleeves of Jack’s robe and rested his hands on his arms, teasing the hairs with his fingernails. ‘What about you?’

He hesitated. ‘We were on the command deck of a White Star. You were… standing in front of me. You turned to say something and the whole of the front of the ship just exploded into a fire ball.’

John’s hands tightened. ‘At least where know where that came from.’

‘It’s been over a year.’

‘I don’t think time makes much difference. I can close my eyes and I’m back on Mars, the memories are still so vivid it could have been yesterday.’ He shook his head and turned in Jack’s arms, reaching between them to pull at the loose knot holding his robe closed. ‘I don’t want to think about it now.’ Instead, he trailed his fingertips down over Jack’s chest and stomach, over his abdomen, through the dark hairs to his cock. Jack dropped his hands to John’s hips, watching, mesmerised by the sight of John’s hand wrapping tight around his erection, palm sliding up and down lazily, easing his foreskin back and down, finger brushing over his slit. He palmed Jack’s balls in his other hand, ever so gently rolling and pulling on them while he stroked fingers back and forth over his perineum. 

Jack groaned softly, moving one hand to rest it lightly on John’s wrist, in no way trying to stop or slow him down as the maddeningly steady rhythm drove him inexorably towards orgasm. He looked up, straight into that sapphire gaze, and came with a yell that would have woken their neighbours if they had any. It was a long few seconds before his breathing returned to normal, before he glanced down and he saw the mess they’d made, white steaks on John’s body, drying in the warm night air.

‘We should get you cleaned up.’

John grabbed the sides of his open robe, holding him in place. ‘It’s okay. I know where I am and who I’m with. Like I said before, I’m happy to be sticky with you.’ Jack opened his mouth to speak but John carried on. ‘When they had me on Mars, they didn’t let me clean up, not at all, not once. Stephen washed me when they got me to the resistance base. I was barely aware of what was happening but I know what kind of state I was in. It’s not easy to think about. Over time, certain aspects of it do get easier, do fade…. So I’m okay having your semen on me for a while, because I love you, and I know you love me.’

Jack gazed at him, curious. ‘Did you just jerk me off to make a point?’

John shook his head, still smiling. ’No. But it seemed like as good a time as any to tell you I know what you’ve been doing and why, and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know, but it’s no longer necessary. It was, for a while. But I’m okay. With this, at least, I’m okay.’

Jack nodded, took John’s hands from the edges of his robe and stroked his fingers. ‘Thank you.’

‘What for?’

‘Telling me.’ 

‘Jack… There are… things that happened that you and Stephen don’t know about, that no one knows about, because I’ve never told anyone; little things I did for myself which were disgusting to me but I did them to try to make it easier for myself.’

‘And I’m glad you did, because it means you’re here.’ He paused. ‘Now, I want to take you to bed and suck your cock until you make the same level of noise I just did.’

The mugs of tea remained untouched on the living room table.

*

Mornings were hit and miss; most of the time they managed to leave the apartment on time, but there were occasions - usually when they tried to shower together - when their schedules went awry. They hadn’t managed all that much sleep, so a hot shower, hands all over one another, was too tempting to resist. 

They were almost done when John stepped back, saying he needed to piss. Jack’s suggestion of just doing it in the shower didn’t go down well. ‘That’s…’

‘What? If anything, it’s cleaner.’

‘Do you… piss in the shower?’

‘Sometimes. If I’m on my own.’ He loved the expression on John’s face as he tried to decide whether or not he was fascinated or disgusted. In the end, he shook his head and stepped out, reaching for a towel. Jack stopped the water and followed him. John glanced up as he approached the toilet, and there was a very different expression on his face when he asked, ‘Would you like to hold it?’

Obviously those five words were to the key to some sort of sleeper program in his dick, because it sprang up. ‘Apparently.’

Towelling off roughly, dropping it to the floor, Jack stepped up behind him, reached around and took a hold of John’s soft cock. He held it the same way he held his own and felt the slight filling of the urethra as the urine passed through it.

‘I wondered if you’d ever do this again,’ John murmured, hands resting on the outside of Jack’s thighs. 

‘What do you mean, again?’

‘You really don’t remember, do you?’ he laughed softly. Jack’s spirited erection was pressing up against John’s ass, their height difference meaning it could nestle along his cleft, push up against the back of his balls. He could feel John’s cock start to harden as he muttered, ‘You’re not making it easy to go.’

‘Tell me what it is that I don’t remember.’

‘Some bar on Earth, shore leave, a couple of days before you took command of the Cortez. You were astonishingly drunk.’

Jack tried not to tense up. ‘I did this… with you?’ 

‘You did. It was late, we were dancing.... I went to the bathroom and the next thing I knew, you were behind me, taking my cock out. You held me while I went, then tucked me away and wandered off like it never happened.’

He dropped his forehead to John’s back, trying very hard to keep his firm hold of John’s cock functional rather than sexual. He could feel and hear the stream weakening.

‘I am so sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’ John didn’t sound like he was looking for an apology. ‘I figured it was something you needed to get out of your system.’

He finished, and Jack resisted the urge to stroke him to full erection, instead backing off, going to wash his hands, slightly concerned that he didn’t recall grabbing one of his private’s privates even if it was a long time ago.

‘You should have broken my fingers and kneed me in the balls!’

‘You think I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t wanted you hands on me?’

‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’

‘Because I’ve been here, there have been ample opportunities for you to do it again. Given you didn’t, I assumed it was something you hadn’t enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy any more.’

He watched John dry his hair. ‘What about you?’

‘I loved it. It was the first time you’d touched me since Ganymede, and it wasn’t… sexual. It was purely functional, like something you’d do for someone who couldn’t do it for themselves. Not the way you just did it, which was fucking sexy.’

‘I’m so glad it was you. Anyone else, it would have ended in a court-martial.’

John leaned over and kissed him. ‘In which case, maybe you weren’t as drunk as I thought you were.’

*

MARCH 2263

After a couple of months, Michael and his team had security as tight as it could be throughout the ISA faculty. Still, his main problem remained with visiting dignitaries. Every alien culture had its own rules and rituals, all of which had to be dealt with as tolerantly as possible, which was fine when it was just a case of ceremonial knives so big the effort it would take to unsheathe and swing, any potential attacker would be shot before the pointy end met its target. More problematic were the things that weren’t picked by the the scanners and searches - if they were allowed to conduct searches - things that were easily concealed. For example, a blade made of bone filed to a razor sharp edge, hidden in a fold of skin that would only have been found during a full cavity search, the type Michael’s team definitely weren’t allowed to perform on ambassadors of any race, friendly or otherwise.

Security wasn’t on quite such high alert on the day, as they would have been had the president been attending the meeting in person. It was a meeting of military personnel from the ISA’s member races, to discuss various ideas to prevent further raids on shipping lanes by unknown parties. The president was attending for the first few minutes, but not in person. He, along with Londo and G’Kar back on Centauri Prime, were linked in on the huge screen that adored the wall of the conference room where the group had convened. They were to give a brief introduction before the discussions began, but other than that they would have no further involvement. There was a certain amount of additional scrutiny, at least, because the large ISA contingent included the First Gentleman, who Michael tended to think of as a primary target even if the Alliance’s tactical legislation didn’t agree. As far as Michael was concerned, anyone wanting to get to the president would cause him more hurt by attacking Jack than they would if they went after John himself.

There was one Pak’ma’ra in particular that Michael thought had been acting cagey from the moment their ship had docked. He’d been keeping an eye on him, and when he made the effort to engage Jack specifically in conversation, Michael moved closer, and so saw the moment he slipped his hand beneath his robe, as nonchalantly as you like, and the lights in the ceiling caught the edge of the blade as the would-be attacker took a step back.

He could see it all happen in the blink of an eye - the knife swinging in a perfect arc, slicing open Jack’s throat in one smooth motion - lunging forward, he grabbed Jack around the waist and pulled him away, pressing his other hand against the soft flesh of his throat an instant after the Pak’ma’ra swung his arm.

They crashed to the floor together, PPG shots firing through the space they left behind, the security team dropping the attacker where he stood. Michael registered the jarring of his spine as his ass hit the floor, Jack’s weight falling against him. Something else too, a merciful lack of blood trying to leak through his fingers where they all but cut off Jack’s airway.

He sat up as best he could, peered around at his own hand, saw Jack’s shocked expression, eyes bulging, fingers already trying to push and pull at the same time at Michael’s hand against his throat.

‘It’s okay. You’re okay. Just lemme….’ Almost violently grabbing Jack’s wrists, gripping them tight enough to bruise, he peeled his palm cautiously away from his throat. There was a cut, there was blood, but the blade had missed the artery. He wasn’t going to bleed out anytime soon. Letting go of the breath he was holding at the same time as he let go of Jack’s wrists, Michael dropped flat on his back to the floor, hoping his pulse would slow before he had a heart attack.

Jack was still lying on him, gingerly touching his own wounded throat. Out of the corner of his eye, Michael could see an emergency response team approaching them, security rounding up the remaining members of the delegation just in case the attacker hadn’t been acting alone. He stayed put while the Minbari medic gently pushed Jack’s fingers out of the way and seemed happy that it wasn’t a serious injury. He beckoned another medic over and together they helped him sit up, got him into a chair and deftly administered an injection, a couple of stitches and a clean dressing. 

Michael stayed on the floor for a while, having decided it was relatively unlikely to tip him on his ass if he stayed there, until he heard John’s voice, and saw him approaching them, frantic expression on his face.

That’s when he remembered the open links on the screen in front of them.

He got cautiously to his feet, wincing as something twinged in his back, watching the president try to hold it together in front of the ISA staff, the mortified aliens and the medics. He took Jack’s outstretched hand as soon as he was close enough and wrapped both of his around it, hanging on, trying not to look as if he seconds from a panic attack. 

‘I’m fine,’ Jack reassured him, ‘thanks to Michael.’ The expression of gratitude on John’s face actually hurt to see.

‘It’s what I’m paid for,’ he reminded them.

‘To protect the president, not me.’ Jack pointed out, and Michael shook his head.

‘It’s the same thing.’

Michael might have said it was these little incidents that kept life interesting, but where John and Jack were concerned, the idea of Jack getting killed terrified him as much as the thought of anything bad happening to John. 

There was going to be hell to pay. An alien delegate had managed to smuggle in a weapon passed security at the docking bay, and the scanner at the entrance to the conference room. There was no doubt they needed to start affording Jack the same level of security as the president, especially given he was more important to John than oxygen. 

‘Thank you, Mike.’ 

He shook his head. ‘John, You know as well as I do, this shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again. I’m going to review Jack’s security, get it up to the same level yours is at. You’re such a high value target, getting to you through him is an obvious route of attack. I’ve said it before, I just didn’t think they’d be so brazen about it, and that’s a failing on my part. Me and my team.’

‘You just saved his life. Don’t be so hard on yourself.’

Michael shook his head, unable to keep the affection from his smile. ‘You’re way too forgiving.’

‘I’ve made just as many mistakes as you have.’

‘Those are some reactions you’ve got there, Michael.’ He watched as Jack rose from the chair the medics had seated him in, swaying slightly. ‘You quite literally just saved my neck.’ John wrapped his arm around Jack’s waist, taking his weight as he leaned into him. ‘What the hell did they give me?’

‘Should you be standing…?’ By then, Stephen had arrived, altered most likely by the call out for an emergency team.

‘Minbari pain meds tend to be slightly stronger than human meds,’ he explained, sitting Jack back down, checking his pupil dilation. ‘It’ll take several hours to wear off.’ To Michael’s amusement, he also checked the medic’s stitches, lifting the dressing then replacing it, apparently satisfied. ‘You’ll be okay. You’ll either get high or pass out, possibly both.’

John rested his hand on the arm of the chair, hovering, before moving it to Jack’s shoulder. Jack glanced up, reached up, covered it with his own and said something Michael couldn’t hear. If whatever he said was meant to placate John in any way, Michael could tell it hadn’t. He could see it in the set of the man’s shoulders, the tension almost thrumming through him. He’d seen it before, usually just ahead of something getting broken.

He felt like breaking something himself; it was time he had words with his team, and he was relieved to hear Stephen say, ‘Right. Let’s get you home before shock sets in.’ 

He watched Jack stand with a little more certainty and balance than the first time, heard him try to protest. ‘I’m fine, Doc.’

And heard Stephen’s retort. ‘Maybe, but it’s not just you I’m worried about.’

*

Stephen could see it in the way they walked back to their apartment, John’s arm tight around Jack’s waist, Jack leaning into him as much to support John as to be supported by him. They tended to at least try to keep a respectful distance in public, even if they weren’t always successful, but unless Jack had managed to make some real enemies in the last eighteen months - and Stephen doubted that - this was an attack on both of them, and it was going to have an impact.

What they were to one another now wasn’t what they had been at the start, but it didn’t change the fact that Jack represented safety and healing in John’s still fractured mind; holding on to those things had played a huge part in his recovery and losing him would unravel everything. 

When they reached the apartment, Stephen gave them time together, busying himself in the kitchen. They’d found a drink on Minbar which tasted like mocha but smelt like chocolate. It was just far enough from coffee that John’s brain hadn’t made a connection and it had felt like another small victory. The pace was no where near what it had been on Babylon 5, even during the quiet times, there had been less of a requirement to rely on caffeine when they were all getting the recommended hours of sleep they’d missed for so long. Still, the habit of clutching a hot drink for an hour in the morning was too ingrained. 

By the time he took the mugs into the living room, Jack was lying on his back on the sofa, head on John’s leg where he was curled into the corner. His eyes were closed, John’s fingers combing through his hair. 

Stephen handed John his drink and set the other two down on the table, crouching at Jack’s side, pressing the fingers of his left hand against the inside of his wrist, finding his pulse quickly and counting silently for a minute. It was fast, but not dangerously so. It was the first time he’d been up close and personal with someone after the administering of a Minbari pain killing medication. He was trying not to see Jack as a science experiment, but he was curious.

‘He was feeling dizzy,’ John murmured.

‘His heart rate’s high.’

Standing up, he picked up a mug and went to sit on John’s other side. ‘The wound is very shallow. The injection they gave him was precautionary but probably unnecessary.’

‘But he is okay?’

‘He should be fine once it wears off. I just want to make sure.’

‘Thanks.’

‘You know I’ll always look after you, both of you.’ He looked around. ‘You look like you’re settling in here. My place is still full of boxes.’

‘We didn’t have a lot of boxes. Most of what’s here is my junk from from my quarters on B5. Jack didn’t have much, he lost more or less everything when the Cortez was destroyed.’

‘I’m sorry….’

‘I don’t think he had a lot to begin with. Career military personnel don’t tend to. I only started collecting stuff once I was aboard B5.’

‘Is he happy here?’

‘Seems to be. I’m sure he’ll be looking for an off-world adventure sooner or later but for now he’s okay. When aliens aren’t trying to kill him. You two should go… bowling or something, give him a break from me.’

‘I could do that. Although, and I’m stressing this, not to give him a break from you, because I’m absolutely certain that isn’t anything he wants or needs.’

Jack shifted in his sleep, gave a soft snort and turned his head on John’s leg. John paused for a moment, then went back to stroking Jack’s hair in a lazy, comforting rhythm. 

‘I thought it would be different here. But we still have people, aliens, trying to kill us, or trying to kill me, going through him to do it.’

’It is different.’

‘How do you figure that?’

‘Nothing’s exploded yet.’

John sighed with a wry laugh. ‘Yet.’

‘It’s been one incident, John,’ Stephen stressed. ‘And Jack knew exactly what he was getting into with you, especially after our trip to Mars. Before that, he’d seen the results of what they’d done, but I think he put a lot of it down to Clarke’s men getting carried away, things getting out of hand when you wouldn’t comply. When we saw the sheer insane lengths they’d gone to, it struck him just how powerful your enemies were. After we saw that vid of you, Jack went looking and found these lengths of pipe. He came back into the control room and just started swinging at everything electronic, anything that looked as if it might be capable of data storage or playback, but at the same time, he knew he was destroying everything after the fact, driven by the knowledge that he was too late to save you from it all. If he wasn’t already, he was in love with you by the time we left Mars; I think the extent of Clarke’s hatred for you threw into sharp relief the depth of his feelings.’

‘I think he’s always loved me,’ John murmured, gaze on Jack’s face. ‘I’ve always loved him. It feels like this was… waiting for us to be ready for it, to be in the right place, the right time.’

Stephen smiled. ‘You’ve been spending too long with Delenn.’

John nodded, chuckled. ‘Maybe. I’m just very thankful that Jack was waiting for me on the other side of hell. That you all were.’ 

Stephen looked at him for a time, then shifted closer so they arms touched, shoulder to elbow, and that’s how they sat, staring out at the view beyond the glass, until Jack woke several hours later.

*

Stephen left them as the sun was setting. Still feeling achy and a little unbalanced as the drug left his system, Jack decided to take a bath. He loved to soak for hours in the huge free-standing tub. It did wonders for his muscles. There seemed to be a never-ending supply of hot water and there were bottles of stuff which produced the softest soap bubbles he’d ever known, putting oils in the water that left everything clean and smooth. The odd luxury on shore leave had been his only access to baths since he’d left earth when he was twenty one, and he enjoyed having them on tap. 

He stretched out under the water, bubbles edging over the sides of the tub, slowly turning into a prune. He lay there for half an hour, low level arousal spiking every so often when he tugged on his cock now and again, not really with anything in mind, he just liked the warm that spread through him.

He heard the door opening, John padding into the room; held out his hand and John took it.

‘If you want to be alone….?’ Jack shook his head, slow smile spreading over his face as John came into view, naked, the warm amber of the bathroom’s ambient lighting playing over his skin. Jack still found him breathtakingly beautiful. 

The tub was plenty big enough for two and John stepped in to the water, crouched down and settled between Jack’s legs, stretching out, toes against the far side of the bath. Jack wrapped his arms around him and held him, kissing the back of his neck, his mouth as he let his head rest back against Jack’s shoulder.

This was heaven, he decided, and hoped after the hell he’d been through, John felt the same way. 

‘You’re always welcome to join me.’

One of John’s hands settled on his arm, under the water, the other on his thigh.

‘How’s the throat?’

‘It’s fine. The wound’s barely bigger than a paper cut.’ He’d left the dressing in place because he felt a little like a fraud.

‘I don’t think it’s the wound Stephen was worried about, I think it was the drug they gave you.’

Jack skimmed his hand over the side of John’s ribcage, over his waist and hip, hooking one ankle over his shin under the water. ‘Michael saved my life. If he hadn’t been so fast….’

‘That’s why he’s Head of Security.’

‘Your Head of Security.’

‘And yours. Like he said, if they hurt you, they hurt me. He’s not going to let any harm come to you if he can help it.’

‘Ironic, for a guy who’s wanted to knee me in the nuts for the last eighteen months.’

‘He has not.’

He was probably right. Despite everything, John trusted Garibaldi with their lives and so far it seemed to have paid off. Michael could just have let that alien rip open his throat.

He tightened his arm around John, sliding his fingertips along the crease between John’s abdomen and thigh, feeling him shiver. The buoyancy of the water was giving his cock a slight lift, and Jack got his hand between it and his balls, playing with them gently, listening to the change in his breathing. 

‘You’re supposed to be resting,’ he heard John murmur.

‘I am resting.’ Which wasn’t entirely truthful; parts of him definitely weren’t. 

‘I’m not sure Stephen would agree.’

‘Stephen can find his own bath mate.’ He stroked the soft skin on the inside of John’s thighs, his own cock hardening at the intimacy of it. There was a bottle of the gel soap on the ledge behind him, and reaching back he squirted some on t the fingers of his other hand, the one not already stroking the underside of John’s erection, sliding under John’s ass. He lifted up slightly, giving Jack access, and extending his middle finger, he pressed it against the puckered hole, encouraging John to sit back, to take him inside.

He slid in just passed his knuckle, the angle making it difficult to go further. But he stroked the hot walls of John’s rectum, dragging low moans from him.

‘Lie back against me, just relax. I want to take my time with you.’

He felt the tension leave John’s muscles, felt the weight of his body settle against his own, finger sliding half an inch deeper. He settled his other hand on John’s abdomen, rubbing lazily circles around the rim of his belly button, dropping a kiss to the top of his ear, into the damp hairs above it.

He whispered, ‘I love you,’ for no other reason than he wanted to say it. 

‘I love you too.’ Hearing those words in John’s honeyed voiced made something inside him melt. He bent his finger just slightly and stroked him, kept that up but nothing more. John seemed content to lie there with him, to let him do this. 

‘Can you get the plug with your toes?’

‘I think so.’ They replaced the cooling water with fresh hot, pouring in more of the soapy liquid, causing bubbles to cover the surface, giving the water a lovely oily texture Jack could feel on his skin. John laughed, blowing bubbles away from his face, catching his breath when Jack slipped a second finger inside him next to the first. He tensed just slightly and Jack paused.

‘Okay?’

‘Yes.’ He relaxed again, but Jack waited, waited until he tipped his head back and looked at him. There was no fear, no stress in his eyes, nothing but that open love and trust Jack thought could sustain him for the rest of his life. 

He began a slow stretch of John’s ass, twisting his fingers, scissoring them carefully, opening him but still taking his time with it. He was hard, the need to be inside that tight, welcoming place almost overwhelming, but at the same time it was so good to have his fingers in there, to feel the heat and flesh around him, the clenching and unclenching of his sphincter around the base of them.

He could feel John’s erection as he moved his other hand, fingertips stroking into the nest of hair around the base of it, made soft by the oil in the water. Easing his fingers out, Jack let John shift up, reaching behind him to position himself. 

‘Let me just….’ He didn’t get any further. John sank down onto him, impaling himself, the angle driving the head of Jack’s erection almost brutally against his prostate. Jack cried out in surprise and sharp arousal, breathing through it, narrowly avoiding embarrassing himself. ’Jesus, Johnny…. Are you okay?’

‘Yeah.’ He breathed the word, holding still until he’d adjusted, then he slowly lay back, letting Jack take his weight while at the same time taking him deep into himself. The position pushed the top of John’s cock out of the water, and Jack couldn’t help but stroke his palm over it, wrapping his hand loosely around the length of it, holding it the same way John’s body was holding him. 

Neither of them moved. Jack didn’t know how long he could stay still for; the heat and tightness around him was going to slowly drive him mad. But John felt utterly relaxed against him, eyes closed, one hand on Jack’s leg, the other on the side of the tub. Jack stroked his chest, brushing over his nipples and the wrinkled flesh around the hard buds, tracing the scars, stroking his abdomen, the crease of his left thigh, returning when he couldn’t reach any further. John moaned softly, shifted just slightly, nudging Jack’s cock, thick inside him, and murmured, ‘Stroke me.’

Jack was happy to oblige. He couldn’t do much more with John’s weight pinning him in place, but he could move his hand. Slowly at first, twisting on the upstroke, tightening on the down. For a few long minutes, John just took it, lying still, but Jack could feel him clenching his ass, squeezing his aching erection. Finally, he began to push up into Jack’s loose fist, at the same time rising and falling on Jack’s cock. The stimulation was tantalising, teasing, made all the more delicious with knowing John could go still at any time, withholding the stimulation. He let the need to fuck fill his mind, still not able to do anything about it, keeping his hand moving.

He lost himself in it, fisting John’s cock, pressing up as best he could into the tight, hot body, almost surprised when John’s orgasm hit. Usually very vocal in climax, this time John was silent save for a low mewing sound. But Jack could feel the tremors driving through him, feel the spasming in his ass… and he came, so hard he saw stars behind his eyelids, tiny specks of light dancing over his retinas. His body tensed, balls unloading deep inside. He loosened then released his hand as soon as he could think straight, stroking John’s thigh. 

John reached up and back, hand curving over the nape of Jack’s neck. He didn’t try to move otherwise, holding Jack inside him for a time before finally relaxed his sphincter and letting him slip out.

‘I don’t know how I got this fucking lucky,’ he murmured, wrapping his arms around John, letting him slip down between his legs, holding him close, above the water as he settled his head back on Jack’s chest.

‘I’m the lucky one. You’re… incredible. I don’t have the words, Jack.’

They topped up the water again and lay together for another half an hour, Jack using the oil in the bubble bath to sooth John’s stretched opening, stroking it with the tip of one finger, occasionally slipping inside just to his first knuckle before withdrawing. John shifted against him, small movements, now and again moaning softly, but didn’t tell him to stop.

He closed his eyes and let the excitement and terror of the day slip away. Finally, when they agreed they were wrinkled enough, John got out of the tub, giving Jack a hand up. They towelled themselves dry, pulled on robes and went through into the bedroom, curling up together on the bed.

Eventually they fell asleep, sleeping through to the morning alarm.

*

APRIL 2263

It was rare Jack sat in on all ISA staff meetings, but the Luminati had finally agreed to join the ISA and he’d helped out with some of the details during the negotiations. Oddly, Susan asked most of the meeting attendees to leave before she read through the agreement that the ISA would be signing. At the end, she looked up, straight at John, and he seemed to be expecting a problem.

‘Go on,’ he told her, ‘what’s the catch?’

‘They want to… seal the deal in the traditional way.’

‘What’s the traditional way?’ Jack enquired, unsure why it would be the deal breaker it obviously seemed to be.

‘Sex,’ John told him bluntly, and Susan nodded.

‘Specifically, one act of consensual, penetrative sex with the President of the ISA.’

He stared at her, disbelief creeping across his face. ‘You’re kidding, right? I mean, this is a wind up?’

Susan shook her head slowly.

‘When they joined the Earth Alliance,’ John explained, ‘the ambassador asked to seal that deal by having sex with Susan. She got around it because they didn’t know what human sex looked like.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I danced around them faking a fake orgasm.’ He tried to imagine what that would look like and found he just couldn’t. ‘They made it clear that they’ve done their research and know that human sex is very similar to their own practices.’

‘You’re serious? They expect...?’ His mind tripped over itself, and he glanced at John who looked a little like he was looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. ‘This is absolutely not happening.’

‘Of course it’s not,’ Susan agreed. ‘But we need to discuss what we offer as an alternative.’

‘I’ll sort this out,’ John stated.

‘You’re not….’ 

John frowned at him. ‘Of course I’m not. I want you with me.’ He looked up at Susan. ‘Please ask the Luminati ambassador to meet us in my office?’

She nodded. ‘Sure.’

Half an hour later, still not certain what was happening, Jack was standing at John’s side in the presidential office. The ambassador and his aide were shown in.

‘Mr President.’ He reached to slip his robe from his shoulders. ‘I didn’t know your assistant would be joining us, but that’s acceptable. I take it you’ve agreed to our terms.’

’Not all of them.’ The ambassador had been unfastening the buttons on his shirt, but he stopped when he heard this. ’This is Jack Maynard. He’s not my assistant, he’s my husband. We’re married, joined together.’ The ambassador didn’t seem to be understanding, judging by the expression on his wrinkled face. ‘We made a commitment to one another, which means we have an exclusive relationship. He’s the only one who has access to my body, and I to his. So, it means can’t have sex with you. If I did, he would be obliged to kill you.’

Jack felt as if he’d unintentionally slipped into an alternate universe.

‘I see. We do not have such… commitments on our world. Sex is nothing more than a greeting between friends, a way of showing affection for others we are close to.’

‘I understand. For humans, it can be that casual. But once one human makes a commitment of marriage to another, it’s no longer casual, and sharing is no longer allowed.’

‘How interesting…. Do you not… tire of having sex with the same person?’

John smiled. ‘No.’

‘That is… fascinating. In which case, how to you greet other humans you are still close to?’

‘We hug,’ John explained. ‘If you’re happy for me to show you?’

The ambassador nodded hesitantly. ‘You may.’

Jack watched, astounded, as John walked up to the alien and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him not too tight, but not too loose. He held it for a minute or so before stepping back. 

‘Good?’

The ambassador was smiling, surprise on his face. ‘It’s… nice. Different. I like it. Thank you, Mr President. I accept your… hug. The Luminati will sign the agreement and join the ISA.’

John bowed his head. ‘Thank you.’

Once they’d gone, Jack went up to John and hugged him tight, John’s arms encircling him. He pressed his face into John’s neck, kissing his smooth skin. ‘That’s why they made you president,’ he murmured softly.

’They made me president because no one else would have been stupid enough to say yes.’

He stepped back. ‘If you and I… weren’t together, would you have said yes to them?’

’No. There’s casual, and then there’s coercion. Besides, he’s not really my type.’

‘That’s a good point.’

‘Thanks for trusting me.’

‘Always. And you know if he’d tried to lay a finger on you, I’d have broken it off and stuffed it up whatever orifice he happened to have.’ 

‘That’s why I love you.’

*

MAY 2263

‘Hi.’ Michael looked up from the end-of-day summaries from the various security sectors, surprised to see the president standing in the doorway. ‘Is this… a good time? Lise let me in.’

‘It’s fine. I was about to finish anyway. Is everything okay?’

‘Everything’s fine.’

‘Jack with you?’

John shook his head. ‘He’s out with Stephen. Every couple of weeks they get together, go… whatever the Minbari equivalent of bowling is, sink a couple of beers. They… bonded, on Mars.’

Michael sat back. ‘You don’t mind?’

‘God no. It means I can come here and ask you out to dinner without Jack trying to decide whether or not we’re going to wind up in bed together. Lise says I can borrow you for the night, if you’re up for it.’

‘Absolutely.’ He dumped the reports on the table and got to his feet. ‘Am I okay like this?’

‘I was just thinking of trying that place everyone keeps saying serves the Minbari equivalent of Italian.’

‘I’ve actively been avoiding it, so you know what, let’s give it a go. Can’t have an opinion until we’ve been, right?’

They got a table out front of the small restaurant, in an area modelled largely on Earth-style food courts, but with more ambient lighting, space and privacy between tables, and given they were within the ISA facility, Michael was happy it was secure. 

The Minbari did a fine line in alcohol-free wines, and the menu at least looked incredible. They ordered, sat back with a lovely red made from grapes apparently harvested somewhere not too far outside the city. ‘I really need to find time to travel a bit,’ John murmured, almost to himself, picking up the wine bottle to read the label and realising he didn’t stand a chance. 

Michael groaned. ‘Oh, God, John, please don’t. It’s tough enough protecting you here. You and the trouble magnet you married.’

John smiled, which he was glad about, worried as soon as the words were out that he’d take it the wrong way. ‘He always was.’

‘He said the same about you.’

John chuckled, nodded. ‘I bet he did.’ He picked up his glass. ‘Thank you again for what you did the other day, you saved his life, and before you say it’s your job, you saw it before it even happened.’

‘You know me, suspicious of everyone. That Pak’ma’ra was acting cagey from the moment he arrived. I watch the interactions at these things; no one ever approaches Jack first, he looks… unassuming, unimportant, until he starts to talk, then he get everyone’s attention. So when someone makes a beeline for him, it raises the hairs on the back of my neck.’ He watched John touch the platinum band around his finger. ‘How’s he doing?’

‘He’s fine. I think I was more upset than he was. He was in shock. Stephen stayed with us for a while but he was fine once the meds wore off.’

‘And how are you doing? Are… things easier, being here rather than on B5?’

He nodded slowly. ‘Yeah. The job can be… stressful, frustrating and downright annoying, but it was never going to be easy. Getting back to the apartment at night, whatever time it is, feels like going home, leaving everything else behind to a degree, in a way that going to my quarters on B5 at the end of the day never did. And Jack doesn’t talk about work very often, so it feels more like a break from it all.’

‘And the nightmares?’

‘Not as intense or as frequent as they were. I’m honestly doing okay.’ The waiter brought their starters. ‘How’s Lise? Has she settled in okay?’

‘Oh, yeah. She loves it here. She’s busy, the company takes up a lot of her time, and I think it’s more difficult running things from here rather than Mars, but she’s adamant she doesn’t want to go back. I think she hates that place as much as we do.’

‘And you’re happy?’

Michael hesitated before he let the smile loose across his face. ‘Yeah, actually I really am. I miss B5 sometimes, and I don’t know why, because everything I loved about it is here with me.’

John smiled. ‘It’s the same for me. I do miss the stars. Some nights I go out onto the balcony, sit and stare up at them for hours.’

‘I was actually quite surprised to realise how much I’d missed daylight until I got here. It’s so odd to wake up and watch the sunrise.’

’Now there’s something I haven’t done. I must do that. We’ve watched a lot of sunsets, but never set an early enough alarm to watch it rise.’

‘Well, if you can drag yourself out of bed, it’s well worth it. You’d be more than welcome to come over and watch it from our place, given as we’re looking in the right direction.’ He leaned closer. ‘You’d be more than welcome to stay the night and watch it with me in the morning.’

‘Not so sure our respective partners would approve,’ John told him with a smile, and that was definitely a no. He was fairly certain Lise wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but he could understand Jack being territorial, or maybe just fiercely protective.

‘Hey, can’t blame a guy for testing the water, now and again.’

John hesitated, but he said, ‘Jack did tell me about this random fantasy he had about the three of us, back on B5 before he and I got together, when I was struggling with everything and he was spending too many nights on my sofa.’

Now there was something Michael didn’t think he’d ever hear. He shook his head. ‘You don’t play fair.’

‘I’m serious. You in front, him behind, me in the middle.’ Michael had to shift in his chair to relieve the pressure on his unsurprisingly interested cock. John noticed and shook his head, looking all kinds of apologetic. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to….’ 

‘Don’t apologise. It’s… surprising. But quite honestly, I don’t believe he would have, or ever will, share you with anyone, let alone me. And I’m glad about that, John. I think he’s always had a thing for you.’

John shook his head. ‘After Ganymede, before I saw him on the Agamemnon, I swear, we were just friends. Neither of us was carrying a torch for the other.’

Michael laughed. He finished his starter and put down his fork. ‘I’m assuming you know that the first - or second - time he was aboard B5, after the Cortez had issues in hyperspace and needed to be repaired, that he was seeing someone on the station?’

John nodded. ‘He told us when we were aboard the Agamemnon, on our way to Mars.’

‘Did he ever tell you who?’

’No. He just said it wasn’t anyone I knew.’

‘Um. Partly true. Did you ever get to a club in Red Sector called Images?’ John shook his head. ‘It was a cabaret slash comedy club, popular place I went a couple of times. It was nice, high end. Every Saturday night, before the main act, there was this troupe - two guys and a girl - performing topical comedy skits. They were good, very funny. But they were… us, supposed to be us; you, me and Susan.’ 

John’s eyebrows climbed. ‘Why did no one ever tell me about this?’

‘Maybe they remember what happened to the bears they were selling in the Zocalo with your initials on them…? It was all very good natured, all in good humour. And they did, kinda, look like us. The woman played Susan was about six foot tall, beautiful, long thick dark hair, lovely eyes. The guy playing me was bald - I think maybe that’s where I got the idea from, because I honestly thought it suited me. He looked more like me than I did back then! And the guy playing you… he was so cute; autumn hair, big blue eyes, this incredible smile.’ He paused. ‘He’s the guy Jack dated while he was aboard. So don’t tell me he didn’t hold a torch for you after Ganymede, because he basically spent three weeks fucking your doppelgänger.’

*

‘Your aim’s improving,’ Stephen pointed out as he and Jack took a couple of beers over and sat down at a free table. The bowling alley was part of the ISA facility, just a small place with a few lanes, perfectly weighted balls and beautifully designed score boards keeping track of the games. The Minbari had gone out of their way to make the many Earthers on the ISA staff feel at home. 

‘I’d never bowled before coming here, cut me some slack.’

Stephen laughed. ‘What did you do with your youth?’

’Scuba diving. I loved to dive, travelled all over the globe. I kinda miss it.’

’Now that’s something I’ve never done. Never had the opportunity.’

‘I haven’t since I left Earth. Don’t know if they have anything equivalent here. John was talking about doing some travelling, seeing the rest of the planet, so I might look into it.’

Stephen laughed, ‘That’ll go down well with Garibaldi.’

‘I think he meant after he retired.’

‘He’s going to retire?’

‘Eventually. We agreed this wasn’t how we wanted to spend all of the next twenty years. I’d like to get back in a starship sometime, too.’

‘Do you miss it?’

‘Sometimes.’ The waiter brought over a tray of food - small plates of crispy things and doughy things. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not about to up and leave again.’

‘No one expects you to stay put just because we’re based here. Take a White Star, get some space time. They’re all crewed, ready to go. I’m sure Marcus wouldn’t mind taking a couple of days out if you need a friendly translator. I doubt it’ll be long before John takes off in one. He never stayed on the station for more than a couple of months at a time.’

‘Before Mars.’ He had a point. ‘You know this isn’t how it was meant to be for him. He was meant to be happy, carefree, to live a life of joy with a lot of adventure and a little bit of madness. I always imagined he’d end up a starship captain, and we’d meet for drinks on newly discovered planets out on the rim.’ He stared through the pale ale in his glass. ‘That’s what we dreamt of, what we talked about when we first met. It’s what he wanted, so it’s what I wanted for him. I knew Babylon 5 wasn’t what he’d had in mind, but never did I think his being there would lead to so much pain and suffering for him.’ He glanced up. ‘If I had known, I’d have dragged him off with me when I left on the Cortez, and never looked back. It’s not surprising he wants to stay put. If I was him, I’d be worried about stepping out of the apartment, never mind going back out into space.’ 

The waiter brought over a tray of small plates of food, laying them out on the table. The smells were fantastic. Stephen asked him for two more beers and reached for something that resembled a small, fried doughnut. 

‘I thought John told me alcohol was dangerous to the Minbari?’ Jack asked curiously.

‘Their physiology can’t handle it.’

‘So… are the breweries making this stuff set up like chemical weapons factories?’

Stephen laughed. ‘The ISA employs brewers from a couple of different worlds, including Earth. The breweries are part of the facility. The Minbari stay away from them.’ He pointed at the doughnuts. ‘You have to try these things. Whatever they are, they’re incredible.’ 

Jack tried one. ‘That’s really good. Do they employ chefs from Earth too?’

‘From all the member races. There were some great places to eat aboard B5., serving incredible food. Like most things on the station, it was a matter of knowing where to look.’

’Now that is the truth.’

Stephen suddenly realised, ‘You didn’t like it there.’

He shrugged. ‘It’s where John was, so that’s where I wanted to be. But I don’t miss it. There was just something… unsettling about the place.’

‘We would all agree with that. But… it wasn’t all bad.’ Stephen enlightened him about the little things, not the victories, not the triumphs, but the friendships, the laughter, the things that had made them all - particularly John - smile, and Jack listened, feeling better with each tale, with knowing it wasn’t all bad, and in between the heartbreak and the tears the flighting and the screams, he’d made lifelong friends who loved him, who would go with him into hell, protect him with their lives and would never leave him.

‘It’s weird,’ he concluded, ‘the God complex Garibaldi was accusing him of while Bester was fucking with them, it’s kinda true. But it’s not that John sees himself as any kind of messiah, certainly not now. It’s us. We propagate the idea by following him, into battle, out here, not because he demands it, but because we can’t imagine doing anything else. Turning our backs on him is unthinkable.’

Jack rested elbows on the table, chin on his hands, and asked, ‘Why?’

‘You know why.’

‘You’re not all sleeping with him.’ There was a tiny note of hope in his voice which he hated himself for. Stephen noted it, and laughed.

‘No. But we probably would have done, had he asked. EarthDome kept sending liaison officers and even a couple of them tried it on with him. I don’t think any of us would have turned him down.’

He didn’t know if that surprised him or not. ‘You?’

‘Absolutely. Why not? I mean, I know this is wildly inappropriate and I’m talking three, four years ago, before the shadow war, but yeah, he’s a good looking guy and a good man.’

Jack smiled, knew he must have looked a little smug. ‘Not sharing.’

‘Oh, believe me, I know and I’m very glad because I also know he wouldn’t want to be shared. Like I said, this was before the shadow war, when we were all very different people, particularly John. As far as I know, there wasn’t anyone between the end of the shadow war and you turning up, and once you came along, no one else stood a chance.’ He finished the last of his beer. ‘Can I ask you something personal?’

‘Now you’re worried about it getting personal?’

Stephen laughed. ‘Sorry.’

’Nah, go on, ask.’

‘Those three weeks, three days-‘

‘Two days, seven hours.’

‘Yeah. Why didn’t you… get together with him then?’

‘I have asked myself that so many times since we came back from Mars. The truth is, I don’t know. He was new aboard, finding his feet, finding his place there. I’d already caused more disruption than I ever meant to. Susan told me I was making him second guess himself and those who put him there. So maybe I thought that rekindling something that had only been a one night stand in the first place would just upset things further. Or maybe I valued our friendship above the sex, or thought that he wouldn’t be interested, although when I think back on it, the way he looked at me… well, I know don’t I? He would have said yes. So honestly, I regret not asking him.’

‘So who was it, the guy you were with all that time?’

Jack tapped the bottle with his fingernails. ‘If I tell you, it can’t ever get back to John. Promise me.’

‘Promise.’

‘Did you ever go to a cabaret bar in Red sector, Images?’

It took him a moment to remember. ‘Yeah, they had some good acts. The singers were great.’

‘Did you happen to catch The Command Trio? They went on early Saturday nights, did comedy sketches based on the hot topics of the week, but they did them as John, Susan and Michael.’

‘Oh my God, I’d forgotten about them! They were great!’ The penny dropped. ‘Oh, you didn’t?’

‘In my defence, he came on to me. Mind you, that could have been because I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.’

Stephen laughed, ‘Shit. No wonder you don’t want John to find out.’

‘I don’t, it makes me sound like some kind of crazy stalker. I would tell him, if he asked, but he never has. You have to admit, he looked so much like him, and he was such a sweet guy.'

‘Wow. That’s…. I don’t know why I didn’t see that coming.’

'He wasn’t anything like John, personality-wise, but I liked him. We both knew from the start that once I left, that would be the end of it. I don’t even know if he’s still on the station. I didn’t even think about him when I was there the last time, which makes me sound like a total asshole.’

‘To be fair, you had other things to think about. Images shut down after B5 split with Earth, so finding him wouldn’t have been easy if even he was still aboard. Besides, I’m sure he wouldn’t have begrudged you the real thing.’

Stephen nudged Jack’s leg under the table with his foot, and Jack smiled, shaking his head. ‘No, he wouldn’t. And the real thing is… well, perfect.’

‘No one’s perfect?’

‘I don’t mean he hasn’t got flaws. Of course he has. But he’s perfect for me. Never thought this is where life would take me, but I’m very, very glad it is.’

*

Jack got home to an empty apartment, initial worry abating when he read the note left on the pad on the coffee table.

‘Gone to dinner with Mike. See you later, J.’

Kicking off his shoes, opening the doors out to the patio, he poured himself a nightcap and went out to lie on the wide, cushioned benches they’d bought, primarily for John to lie on and stare up at the stars, but they’d been put to various other uses, testing the theory they weren’t being watched by covert security. Jack wondered if Michael would dare, but he’d decided if the guy wanted to wind himself up watching what he couldn’t have, that was his prerogative. 

Assuming he couldn’t…. 

His thought was cut off when the door opened and closed and John called out to him.

‘Out here.’

John had divested himself of his shoes and jacket by the time he reached the bench, straddling Jack’s hips where he lay and leaning down to kiss him.

‘Ummm.’ Jack pushed his fingers into John’s hair, smiling up at him, any doubts drowned in the way John was looking at him. 

‘I missed you tonight.’

‘I’m glad Michael kept you company.’

‘No, you’re not.’ He was still smiling. ‘I can’t believe after all this time you still worry I’m going to jump into bed with him.’

‘It’s him I don’t trust, not you.

‘You know he wouldn’t do anything without my explicit consent.’

‘You and he have a lot of history, and the way he looks at you sometimes…. Don’t get me wrong, I completely sympathise. If I couldn’t get my hands on you, I’d go crazy.’ John sat back, kneeling on the bench, and Jack followed him up, wrapping his legs around his waist, holding him there as he unfastened John’s shirt slowly. John moved his legs out from under him, resting his hands at Jack’s sides, watching him open his shirt. ‘Did you know your entire command staff thought about sleeping with you at one time or another?’

‘Bullshit.’

‘It’s true. Stephen told me.’

‘Why... no, make that how, did that come up in conversation?’

He had to think for a moment. ‘I’m not entirely sure.’

‘It’s still bullshit. Tell you what, go ask Susan, and make sure you stand well back when you do.’

‘I think Stephen fancied you.’

‘Fancied me?’

‘Years ago. Before it all went to hell.’

John popped each of the buttons on Jack’s shirt. ‘We were all different people back then. It was a different time.’ His fingers stilled, thumb stroking the hairs on Jack’s chest. ‘Everything changed, so much was taken from us.’ Jack closed the gap and kissed him. ‘I might have had Stephen if I’d known.’

Jack caught the mischief in John’s eyes and laughed. ‘You would not.’

He shrugged one shoulder, leaned in to kiss the skin below the line of Jack’s beard, opening his shirt and pulling the material from the waistband of his pants. ‘Speaking of fucking the command staff of B5….’ He stroked his hands over Jack’s stomach, around his waist, under his shirt. ‘Is there anything you want to tell me about your adventures on my station?’

Maybe if he and Stephen hadn’t had the conversation they’d had, he might not have cottoned on, might not have looked so instantly guilty, but timing was everything.

‘How do you know….? What do you know?’

‘I know you spent three weeks doing things with the guy who played me in The Command Trio, when you could have been doing them with me.’

The small twinges of regret he’d felt, ever since they’d had that conversation on the way to Mars, suddenly became a groundswell. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and when he looked up John was gazing at him, eyes dark. 

‘I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I realise that. I had so many reasons not to just ask you, I’d convinced myself you weren’t interested, that it was in the past.’

‘I thought it was. I honestly didn’t even… your friendship meant - means - so much to me. I wouldn’t have risked it, not a second time.’

‘But I should have asked you… asked you to show me what a real shower felt like after years of sonics, and if you wanted someone to share your bed for a couple of weeks.’ He trailed light, almost ticklish fingertips over John’s chest and stomach. ‘I wish I’d offered myself up as your sex slave, spent the entire time naked in your quarters, ready and waiting for whenever you came home, desperate to put your dick somewhere tight and hot.’ 

‘Jesus…’ 

Jack could see John’s cock hardening, see it pushing against his fly, and he stroked it with the backs of his fingers, hearing the catch in John’s breath. 

‘When Michael told me… I felt this insane surge of jealousy at the idea of someone else touching you, being touched by you. I’ve never been jealous of anything in my life….’ 

‘You have nothing to be jealous of.’ Unbuttoning, unzipping, he reached into John’s underwear to stroke the silky hardness of his erection. ‘I’m yours. No one else gets to touch me ever again.’ Kissing him, he put a hand on his shoulder and murmured, ‘Lie back.’ Shifting back on the bench, Jack carefully pulled the foreskin away from the wet head of John’s cock and slipped his thumb over the slit. ‘No one else gets to touch you. Or lick you, or suck you…. or gets to have this gorgeous cock inside them.’ Bending forward, he licked the tip, swirling his tongue over the engorged flesh. John moaned softly, reaching out to push his fingers through Jack’s hair, no pressure, just touching. It was time for that conversation, although he didn’t think words would be needed. Lifting his hand, he linked his fingers with John’s and pressed down, taking the hard cock all the way to the back of his throat and hoping John would understand.

‘Are you sure?’ 

He glanced up and nodded once, then let go of John’s hand. The pressure eased immediately, but not completely. He pulled up an inch, arousal flooding through him as he felt John push him down, not hard, just testing, but it was a start. He reached in to John’s further open trousers and cup his balls, sliding his index finger over his hole, rubbing long strokes back and forth. John’s hand flexed on his head and he groaned, pushing up into Jack’s mouth, into his throat. 

Hollowing his cheeks, Jack sucked on him, long strokes of his tongue over the length of him. The feeling of a hand on his head, the sensation of being held, his mouth being fucked… his own cock was aching, straining against the cloth pulled tight across it as he straddled the bench. He remembered coming in his pants the first time they’d been together on the Agamemnon; John’s first erection, first orgasm in months. Seeing him come apart like that and knowing he’d been the one to do it; the sight of him lying with his shirt and pants open, head tipped back, eyes closed; the trust and faith alone he’d put in Jack had been breathtaking. 

He lifted up almost all the way, licked at the head and the slit, making John cry out. He felt a hand on his face, fingertips tracing his lips as they stretched around that beautiful cock, then the hand in his hair pushed him down, slowly, deliberately, John raising his hips to slide into Jack’s throat. He moaned his approval, and maybe it was the vibration of the sound on his over-stimulated cock, but John came, almost violently, spilling down Jack’s throat. He held him there, getting every last drop from him while he jerked and shuddered on the bench, trying to sit up but falling back, muttering words Jack couldn’t catch.

His hands fell away and Jack lifted his head, licking at the softening cock, the tremors running through John’s body finally easing in their intensity. Eventually he sat up, drinking in the glorious view. 

‘You are so fucking sexy.’ 

John laughed, reaching for him and Jack caught his hand in both of his, kissing his fingertips and the almost imperceptible scar at the base of his prosthetic pinkie. 

‘Come up here.’ 

It took Jack a moment to catch on to what John was suggesting, and when he did, he shook his head. ‘No.’

‘Jack….’

Keeping a hold of John’s hand, he climbed off the bench, unfastened his trousers and let them fall along with his boxer shorts, stepping out of them before straddling John’s thighs. John’s free hand reached for his erection, sliding up it and back down, cupping his balls before returning to take him in a firm grip and start to jerk him off, slowly, watching Jack’s face. 

‘I want you to put this in my mouth and let me suck on you.’

It took Jack a moment to put together the right words; he was already so aroused that John’s hand was short-circuiting his brain. ‘Not in this position.’

‘I trust you.’

‘I know. But I don’t trust myself not to lose control. Like that, it wouldn’t take much and I might do something we both regret.’ He let go of John’s hand, shifting his weight, the pressure in his balls building fast despite John’s lazy rhythm.

‘Then come on me. I want to feel it hit my skin, I want to see it.’ 

‘That… that I can do.’

John twisted his hand on the next downstroke and Jack felt his orgasm explode through him, kept his eyes open and watched himself streak John’s body with semen, that wonderful hand hand keeping a hold of him throughout, fingers loosening, riding it out until he softened, until his arms gave way and he landed on John’s chest with an ‘oomf’ from both of them. 

Strong arms came around him and held him until he found the strength to sit up. Managing to stand without his knees giving way too was a win, and he held out a hand to John, retrieving his trousers as they made their way through to the bedroom.

After a quick, shared shower, they crawled into bed together, naked under the sheets, Jack spooned against John’s back, arms around him, John’s fingers curled over his hands.

‘What you said, out there, about doing something we’d both regret…. They didn’t do anything like that to me.’

Jack almost didn’t elaborate, but he’d made a promise the only secrets between them would be things they hadn’t thought to mention yet. ‘When we got you back to B5, Stephen found injuries to the roof of your mouth and the back of your throat. If you don’t remember how you got them, it means your mind is protecting you from it. Given the stuff you do remember, it must have been bad.’ He kissed John’s shoulder. ‘The last thing either of us want is for it to come back to you when my dick is in your mouth.’ 

‘I know it’s you. I know you won’t hurt me.’

‘Logically, you do…. Do you realise that you tense up if I - if anyone - takes hold of your wrist? I watched Stephen with you the other day, checking your pulse, and I realised he doesn’t put his hand around your wrist the way he does with the rest of us, he just puts his fingers against it. You do things, and I don’t think you know you’re doing them. They’re completely understandable given the circumstances, and in a way they’re a good thing because your fight or flight instincts have been honed to perfection. I just don’t want you trying to bite my dick off.’

‘Point taken,’ John murmured. 

’Sorry.’

‘You have nothing to apologise for. I know being with me is been like picking your way through a minefield.’

‘No.’ Sitting up, he leaned over, pressing on John’s shoulder until he looked up. ‘Being with you is easy. Loving you is easy. The things you’re calling mines, they’re a part you, learning about them is a part of what it means to love you. There is so much I wish you’d never been through, but it’s made you who you are now and I love you. All of you.’

John put his hands either side of Jack’s neck and kissed him. Jack didn’t miss the tears in his eyes, and when he pulled back, he wiped them away with his fingertips. 

The nightmare woke him suddenly and he lay still, trying to bring his breathing under control and not to wake his husband. The images faded quickly, and he did as Dr Osaka had recommended and let them go, didn’t try to chase them. When his pulse had settled back to normal, he turned his head and watched Jack sleeping peacefully, one of his hands still resting on John’s hip, the way they’d drifted off.

He felt a wave of love for the man so strong it was all he could do not to reach out and touch, just to reassure himself that he was really there. The heat of his hand was proof enough, fingers like brands on his skin. 

He wouldn’t be there if not for him. He didn’t think he would have had the strength to do the things he’d done in the last year, didn’t think he’d be as sane as he was. Jack’s endless patience, his effortless understanding and unequivocal love had been the crutches John had leant on in order to pull himself back from the abyss. So many people had told him how strong he’d been to hold out, not to give in to Clarke’s demands, the brainwashing, the torture. He might not have broken in the way they’d wanted, but he’d definitely broken; his defences torn down, his reality shattered, trust destroyed. It had taken months for him to completely accept that he was actually home, safe, being cared for so that he could recover. Countless times he’d woken in the middle of the night, or in the morning, uncertain, unsure if what he was seeing was real. Jack had been his anchor, the truth he reached for, never wavering from his promise that he’d be there for as long as John needed him to be.

Now and again, he still found himself looking around and just for a heart stopping moment, thinking he was still on Mars, a prisoner, dying from his wounds, infection eating away at him from the inside out, but kept from knowing it, kept in a place where he was subservient because he was happy. These were the times he’d deliberately stub his toe or cut his finger, just to feel the pain, the reassurance of it. Jack had watched him do it, a couple of weeks back, in the kitchen, watched as he’d drawn the blade of a sharp knife across his fingertip. When John had explained, he’d pushed him back against the cupboard, got down on his knees and sucked him off, rougher than usual, and while not painful, the sheer intensity of every swirl of his tongue, every nip of his teeth, the dry finger pressing against John’s anus as he did it, John was left in no doubt about what was real. When he’d finished, he’d sat back on his heels, looked up at John and made him promise whenever he was unsure, he’d find him, promise to let Jack find a way to convince him he wasn’t stuck in hell, but was very much alive and well and married to the greatest guy in the universe. 

John didn’t think he deserved this kind of happiness, and maybe that was the problem, but Jack was determined to prove otherwise.

With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and cleared his mind, hoping he’d make it to the alarm with no more bad dreams.

*

It wasn’t until breakfast when Jack got around to asking, ‘How did Michael know about Casey?’

‘Casey? Who…?’ It took a moment for John to catch on. ‘His name was Casey?’

‘What’s wrong with Casey? And don’t change the subject.’

Stealing a piece of toast from Jack’s plate, John assured him, ‘Nothing happened on that station that he and Susan didn’t know about.’

‘If he’s known all along, why tell you last night?’

John rolled his eyes. ‘It came up in conversation. I was trying to assure him you hadn’t been carrying a torch for me since Ganymede, he said you absolutely had. He wasn’t trying anything on, Jack, he was just making a point.’

‘Since Ganymede is probably pushing it…. But I guess he had a point to make.’ He glanced at the clock. ‘I need to take a shower or I’m going to be late.’

‘Late for what?’

‘The Vren delegation.’

‘Is that today?’

‘It is. And stop worrying.’

‘I’m not worried, I’m sure Michael has everything under control.’

John moved over to the sofa, sat down and reached for the pad, bringing up the headlines. He’d never had a lazy morning on Babylon 5, not ever. When he thought about it, he realised that before coming to Minbar he hadn’t had a lazy morning since joining EarthForce. Even on shore leave it was so ingrained into him to be doing something, he’d found it difficult to just sit around doing nothing. The last six months on B5 hadn’t been easy, the Alliance had a rocky start, but things were running smoothly now, day to day. 

The Cortez had made first contact with the Vren over a decade ago, although EarthGov had done nothing with the information Jack’s crew had supplied. An ISA exploration vessel had been sent to investigate further, and had managed to make contact, but ran into the same communications issue the team from the Cortez had. The Vren had no mouths, they were a race of natural telepaths, and the images and sounds they sent telepathically made no sense to the first people to visit the largest city on their home world, out on the rim. 

Months of painstaking work had been put into attempting a translation. The Vren seemed like a peaceful race, with no obvious defences around their world, no ships in orbit, and the visiting parties had seen no evidence of any weapons.

Eventually, they’d managed to work out a rudimentary understanding of the alphabet, albeit an alphabet of images placed directly in the mind. They’d started out using Minbari telepaths to communicate, but had quickly worked out that anyone could ‘speak’ to the Vren, all they had to do was think the right images, and more images - responses - would be placed in their minds. Once initial greetings had been made, and an invitation sent for a small delegation of Vren to come to Minbar and meet with the Alliance, another image had been placed in the minds of the first contact team. It was the transport from the Cortez, landing on the Vren home world over ten years ago: the smiling face of Captain Jack Maynard, his second in command at his side.

John heard the water stop and half-listened to the sounds of Jack moving around in the bedroom. For someone who habitually grabbed the first shirt out of the wardrobe, didn’t know what cufflinks were for, and on occasion accidentally left his fly undone, he seemed to be taking a long time getting dressed, and John looked up to make a comment when he stepped back into the living room. Whatever he was going to say was lost as his brain tripped over itself. 

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a suit before.’ He looked great - dark blue jacket and trousers, obviously tailored, over a dark shirt with silver buttons. As he came closer, John reached up and back to stroke his ass through the expensive material hugging it. 

‘I’ve never owned a suit before! Delenn insisted. This came out of the ISA’s annual budget, so I hope you don’t need any more White Stars for a while.’

Stephen and Michael had vetoed John meeting the delegation in person from the start. As much as Delenn wanted the visit to be as official, as welcoming as possible, John’s nervousness at being in a room with a bunch of unknown aliens with telepathic abilities came over loud and clear, and it meant they didn’t have any problems refusing to let him anywhere near them.

‘The last thing he needs is anyone placing more images, words, I don’t care what, into his head. It would take very little to upset the fragile mental balance he’s found, and one wrong move up there could send him spiralling into panic, a flashback, even a heart attack. As his doctor, I’m saying no, no way.’

Michael had refused too, on the grounds that he couldn’t assure the president’s personal safety during such a meeting. So with Susan agreeing to represent him, and with Jack agreeing to be there because he’d met them before and come away completely unscathed, Delenn had insisted on other formalities, such as buying Maynard a suit. A very nice, very expensive suit.

John curved his hand around Jack’s hip and across the front of his trousers, tracing the line of his fly, stroking his balls through the soft, lightweight material.

Jack caught his wrist, immediately letting go when he realised what he’d done, and took a step back. ‘After we’re done, you can do whatever you want to me. But if we start this, I will be late and Delenn will kill me.’

‘I want to feel what it’s like to be completely naked with you dressed in that.’ He watched Jack close his eyes for a moment, take a deep breath. ‘I want to lie on top of you, feel the material against my dick. I want to undress you inch by inch, open your jacket, your shirt, unzip your pants, push them down under your cock and balls and sit on you, get you deep inside me, jerk off with you in my ass.’

‘Bastard,’ Jack murmured with unmarred affection, looking down at him with a mix of hunger and adoration. ‘I have to go.’

John could see his erection straining against the cloth, ghosted his fingers over the head. ‘I want to put my mouth on you and suck you through these pants….’

‘Jesus, John…!’

John sat back, his own erection obvious, not bothering to hide it. ‘Enjoy the meeting.’ He could see the heat and need in Jack’s eyes.

‘What are you going to do?’

‘I’m going to sit here and think about having your cock in me while I jerk off for real. Then when I’m done, I’ll clean up and go to work.’

‘Fuck.’ Jack’s comm link chirped and they both knew it was Delenn. She really didn’t want anything to go wrong today, and Jack and John did have a tendency to be late for meetings scheduled for first thing in the morning. ‘I am not talking to her while I’m looking at you like that. I have to go.’

John put his hand shamelessly between his legs, smiled when he heard Jack groan, watched him walk to the door and knew he’d look back. He made sure Jack got an eyeful before leaving the apartment.

Laughing to himself, John closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his own hand on his dick, working himself slowly to a lovely orgasm, coming with Jack’s name on his lips.

*

Jack met up with Susan and Delenn at the main docking bay used for visiting dignitaries. Susan glanced at him and whistled softly.

‘You didn’t look this smart on your wedding day.’

‘Don’t you start. It was all I could do to get out of the apartment.’

She laughed at that, drawing a curious glance from Delenn. ‘Why does what you’re wearing affect your ability to leave your home?’

Jack was still trying to think up a good answer to that one when the Vren’s transport docked. 

The initial meet and greet was successful, or so they thought. Jack had managed to learn the basics of communicating with them, and while at first the way they placed images in his mind was disconcerting, it wasn’t painful, didn’t feel intrusive. After a few minutes it felt almost natural, and he stopped having to resist the temptation to speak along with think what he wanted to say.

And yet… he thought he could feel something dark in his mind, a thread of something unpleasant. He couldn’t pin down what it was, couldn’t describe it, but it made him uneasy.

They split into two groups, Susan and Delenn taking the majority of the group to the council chambers to meet more of the Alliance member ambassadors, Jack taking four of them to the strategy conference room to discuss what technological benefits the Alliance could offer the Vren. He was aware of Garibaldi and a small team of security trailing after them and while sometimes the additional protection drove him crazy, today he was actually happy to have them there. 

He glanced back as they reached the conference room, waited until Michael met his gaze and made a show of leaving the door open. Michael took the hint and rather than wait outside as they’d agreed, he led the security team in behind them, instructed them to file out around the circular wall while Michael remained at a distance far enough to be respectful, but close enough to fire a PPG and hit someone.

Jack approached the group, and before he knew what was happening, they’d surrounded him, postures not threatening, yet suddenly the darkness in his head was overwhelming, images being ploughed into his mind, unstoppable, a series of pictures, replaying again and again. They were accompanied by a voice, a commentary, ‘this is what we will do,’ repeated over and over. 

At first, he didn’t know what he was seeing; just a blur of colours, pink, blue and red. Quickly, that coalesced into bright flares of light shifting over flesh-coloured areas as his brain worked to catch up. Lines outlined the colours, the images becoming clearer, find shape, finding form. At the same time as his mind tried to block the things he was being shown, his brain started to add in the detail and further sound; he heard the cracking of a whip flaying a man’s bloodied back, the crackle of an electrical charge. He thought he might throw up.

He put his hands up to his head, and that thank God got Michael’s attention. He thought he heard his name, Michael double-checking he wasn’t about to start an interspecies incident without cause. He had to force out a cry, and that was all he needed. Security broke up the circle, PPGs brought to bear, and the Vren stepped back. 

He felt a hand on his arm, leading him away from the group, and through the growing cacophony of torture and agony in his head, he heard Michael ask if he was okay. It was an effort to speak, but he managed to ask, 

‘Where’s John?’

‘In his office.’

‘I think… he’s in danger.’

Without further hesitation or question, Michael tapped the comms link on his wrist. ‘Garibaldi to security alpha, secure the president. Now.’

The response came back immediately. ‘Yes, Sir.’

Jack knew what that meant, that the sudden rush of security into his office was likely to scare the life out of John, but as he attempted to push away the images from his mind without success, he told himself it was best to be safe.

‘What happened?’

‘They’re… showing me something.’ He tried to force the images further back in his mind, tried to create some mental breathing space around them. ‘Something… horrible. They’re threatening him. I want to see him.’

Michael’s link chirped once. ‘President secure, Sir.’

‘He’s fine, he’s safe. What kind of threats?’

‘I can’t….’ The pressure in his head was building, like a migraine but worse. ‘I need to see him.’

He side-stepped Michael, who told his team to shoot if they started to feel even slightly uneasy, and followed him. 

Two long corridors felt like miles as a soundtrack of agonising screams started to fill his head; blocking them out was almost impossible. They came to an open plan walkway which crossed a plaza to the official’s offices. The door to the president’s office stood open, and John stopped interrogating one of the security guards when he and Michael came within sight, annoyance turning to concern.

‘What’s going on?’

Jack didn’t stop until he was face to face with his husband, hands on his forearms as John’s came up to grip his elbows. He knew he must have looked desperate but the horrific images were playing like a film reel behind his eyes.

‘Jack, what’s wrong?’

‘You okay?’

‘I’m fine. I was just working when these guys came bursting in. Are you all right?’

He shook his head, closed his eyes for a moment but opened them again; it was stronger, clearer when there were no other distractions.

‘There’s something wrong…. Are there… Minbari telepaths?’

‘Of course.’

‘They’ve... put something in my head… and I need it to stop. Make it stop.’

He could see the confusion on John’s face, but he didn’t ask anything more. ‘Michael, get your team to secure the rest of the delegation.’

‘Yes, Sir.’ 

Then he linked into Susan, told her they were needed in the infirmary and asked her to ask Delenn to request a telepath join them. On their way over, he linked into Stephen and asked him to meet them too. Jack was aware of John’s arm around him, supporting him, but the images were becoming all he could see and slowly he was losing awareness of everything but of watching the man he loved being struck over and over, each slash of the electric whip leaving a bloody stripe across his bare back; the flesh from his shoulder to his ass flayed, hanging, a patchwork of pink, red and charred black; blood running down the backs of his thighs, his legs, pooling at his ankles. His screams became whimpers, his thrashing against the restraints that held him now just convulsions as Jack smashed his fists over and over against the partition separating them, voice hoarse from yelling, crying, screaming....

Suddenly it all stopped, the images simply vanished and he slumped, head pounding, ears ringing, stomach rolling, muscles aching like he’d run a race. He opened his eyes gingerly and saw Stephen, John, and a Minbari he didn’t recognise standing in front of him, his head bowed. 

He knew that was the telepath who’d made it stop and managed a shuddered, ‘Thank you.’ 

The Minbari bowed slightly and stepped back. Predictably Stephen stepped in, shone a light in his eyes, checked his temperature, pulse, blood pressure; the scanner reading it all in a moment. 

‘How are you feeling?’

He had to think about his answer. Now the sounds and images were gone, the memory of them felt like a dream, losing strength, cohesion, fading to dust which was a relief. The nausea was subsiding and the weight and heat of John’s solid hand on his back was anchoring him. 

‘I’m okay,’ he replied eventually. 

‘Your adrenaline levels and blood pressure are sky high. Pulse is dropping back to normal. What happened?’ 

Jack glanced up, saw Michael hovering in the background next to Susan, awaiting instructions with regards to the visiting delegation no doubt.

‘The Vren… put something in my head. At the start it was a series of images, like a slide show, playing over and over, faster and faster until it became a film, then reality, like I was there, like it was actually happening. At the beginning, just after we got into the conference room, I heard a voice saying, ‘this is what we’ll do’ or something along those lines. It was a threat.’ He glanced up at John. ‘They were threatening you.’

‘I’m fine. The first thing I knew was my security barging in through the door of my office surrounding me like there was something coming for me….’

‘Sorry.’

He shook his head, ‘Don’t be. If you say there’s a threat, we take that seriously. I should speak to them.’

‘No.’ He made a grab for John’s hand. ‘You can’t.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Michael stepped up. ‘He won’t, not until we know exactly what happened.’ 

‘Jack,’ Delenn also approached. ‘We need your permission for the telepath who scanned you to show us what he saw. Without your permission, we won’t be able to see.’

‘You don’t want to see.’ He shook his head, glancing at Stephen in what he hoped was a meaningful way. 

Thankfully, the doctor immediately understood. Addressing Delenn, he asked, ‘Just have him find a frame that will... summarise what he saw.’

She relayed the instructions to the telepath, and Jack knew the moment the image was sent. Not to everyone, but to Stephen, who rocked forward, steadied himself on the edge of the bed Jack was seated on; to Susan who took a sudden intake of breath and blinked sudden tears from her eyes, and to Michael, who reached for his weapon, probably before he knew he was doing it.

‘I’m going to blow their fucking brains out.’

Only Susan’s hand on his arm stopped him. 

‘What did they see?’ John asked, and Jack squeezed his hand. ‘I’ll tell you later, I promise. But you don’t need that image put in your head, you have enough nightmares as it is.’

‘It was me? They showed you... me?’ Jack nodded, watched as he put the pieces together. ‘I’m going to fucking shoot them all myself.’ He sounded frighteningly serious. 

That’s when the telepath spoke up. ‘If I may? It was not President Sheridan that you saw. You believed it to be because that information was inlaid into the images, like things in a dream you simply know to be true, even though they haven’t been verified or confirmed. You did not see his face. You were mentally told it was him, and you believed it.’

‘I was certain,’ Jack reiterated, ‘without a doubt.’

‘Yes, because they made you believe it.’ He turned to Delenn. ‘They are very powerful, and thus very dangerous.’

‘But it felt like a threat, against John.’ Susan was adamant. 

‘Yes. I believe that is what was meant.’

‘Why?’ Delenn shook her head. ‘Why would they do that?’

‘Seems like a lot of effort to go to,’ Stephen added. ‘Why show Jack?’

‘Maybe because he was the one they got access to. Maybe they thought that would lead them to the president.’

A wave of nausea swept over him, and he leaned into John’s side, felt his arm immediately come up around his shoulders, holding him close. ‘So I was just a means to an end?’

‘I doubt they know who you are, what you are to John.’ Susan turned to Delenn. ‘What can we do with the delegation?’

‘We’ll say there has been an incident, and that for their safety they should return to the transport. The ship that brought them here can return them to their home world. Its crew are all Minbari, and we’ll send some telepaths with them, to block any attack should they attempt one. Maybe we can try to sort this out with the representatives the first contact team has been communicating with, before we accuse them of any attempt on John’s life. It’s going to take time, given the difficulty we’ve had.’

‘Can I shoot just one of them?’ Michael sounded like he was only half joking.

Susan shook her head and tapped his arm. ‘With me.’ They all filed out, leaving John’s security team guarding the entrance to the room. Once they’d gone, Stephen got Jack to lie back on the bed and he didn’t have the strength to argue. 

‘How are you feeling?’

‘My head hurts.’

‘That’s usually the result of a telepathic attack. I’ll give you something to ease it. I’m going to do an MRI just to be on the safe side. Your blood pressure’s coming down which is good.’ He watched Stephen prep a hypo and felt a sudden sting as it was pressed against the side of his neck. A second later, he felt his muscles loosen and his headache fade.

‘Oh yeah, that’s better. Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. I was starting to miss playing doctor to you two. Give me a few minutes to sort out the MRI.’

Everything started to get a little hazy, which was nice. He was still aware of the heat and pressure of John’s left hand holding his, his right resting further up his arm. ‘I’m okay, Swampy,’ he managed, the strength of the meds starting to become apparent. He hated to see the expression of anger, regret and worry on John’s face, but he could feel himself start being pulled into sleep and didn’t have the will to resist it.

*

He woke to quiet and darkness, experienced a moment of panic before remembering the Vren, the infirmary, something about an MRI which he’d apparently slept through. He tried to lift his head, but the moment he moved it, his vision blurred and a wave of nausea rolled over him. Probably best not to do that then. Glancing to his left, he could see John slumped in a chair close by, covered by a blanket, snoring softly and he couldn’t understand how long he’d been unconscious for. Hadn’t Stephen just given him a shot for the headache...?

‘Jack?’ He glanced to his right and saw Susan approaching. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘I’m not sure… what’s going on?’

‘The MRI found a small bleed on your brain, caused by the Vren’s telepathic attack. Stephen operated, drained the fluid, lowered the pressure. You’re going to be fine.’

‘How long…?’

‘It’s… just after two am. I’ll go get him.’

‘Susan… is John okay?’

He saw her looked over at him. ‘We had to stop him from declaring war on the Vren home world, but other than that, he’s fine. Luckily, Delenn had got them off Minbar before the results of the MRI came through, otherwise I think he might have actually killed one of them.’

‘Why are you here? Apart… from the obvious.’

She smiled. ‘Which would be?’

‘To prevent testosterone fuelled idiots from starting wars?’

She laughed at that. ‘I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.’ 

‘Because if I’m not okay, he’s not okay.’

‘Because you’re a friend, and I care about you, and he’s a friend, and he worships the ground you walk on. I worry for you both.’

He was touched. ‘Thank you.’

She squeezed his hand. ‘Let me get Stephen.’

Predictably the doctor wanted to check vital signs, vision - which Jack admitted had been blurry when he’d first woken but was clear now - blood oxygen levels, any headache, nausea, pain. He seemed satisfied with the results of the scans and the patient’s responses. 

‘The pressure in your skull is back to normal and there’s been no further bleeding. The procedure was more or less the same as I performed for John after Bester’s attack on B5, it’s a minor operation but you need to rest, let your brain heal. I’ve scheduled a second MRI for the morning and I’ll release you if everything looks okay, but you’re on medical leave for a fortnight at least.’

‘Do they know why?’

‘No. Michael’s working with the covert intelligence, first contact and translation teams to see if they missed anything. John issued a warning to them that any further hostility will be taken as an act of war. I think he wanted to tell them to stay home and not attempt to venture out into the universe for the next hundred years unless they wanted their asses handed to them on the front of a White Star, but Delenn stopped him.’

‘My hero,’ he murmured, glancing over again at where John was still sleeping, trained to sleep through anything unless woken by an alarm, a commanding officer, or in his case, nightmares. 

‘How are you feeling?’ He gave that some thought, said he still wasn’t sure. ‘Effects of the anaesthetic, you’re likely to feel woozy for a few hours. It’s best if you can sleep it off.’

‘I’ll try. Thanks, doc.’

He closed his eyes, thought he heard Stephen saying something but it was lost as he drifted back into the darkness.

*

The next time he woke it was clearly daytime, and now he could see the security guards out in the infirmary. It seemed a bit like overkill, given that the Vren had been sent home, but he could imagine some of the conversations that had gone on while he’d been out of it. 

The chair next to the bed was empty, but the blanket was still there, and a half-empty mug of something that he guessed was cold by now. Cautiously, he tried to sit up and was relieved to note his eyeballs weren’t threatening to explode, and his head wasn’t feeling like it might fall off.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’

He glanced up at Stephen, feeling suddenly guilty but with no idea why. ‘Just checking I’m still alive.’

‘You’re still alive.’ Jack lay back down while the doc checked his vitals. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Fine, I think.’

‘Headache?’

‘No.’

‘Good.’ They both looked at the door when it opened, John stepping inside, his face lighting up. 

‘You’re awake.’ He came to stand next to the bed, taking Jack’s hand when he reached out. ‘How are you?’

‘Better than I was in the early hours.’

‘You were awake earlier?’ he glanced at Stephen who nodded. ‘Why didn’t you wake me?’

‘Because you were sleeping and there was nothing you could do,’ he explained patiently. ‘He knew you were there.’

‘Susan covered for you,’ Jack told him with a smile. He felt John’s fingers tighten and stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. ‘I’m fine. Bit more prodding and I’ll be out of here, right doc?’

‘As long as the scan’s clear. For the minute, just stay put.’

‘Can I at least go to the toilet?’ Little freedoms and all that. He’d been through it with John enough times, but before now he hadn’t quite understood it. 

Stephen actually seemed to be considering saying no. ‘Fine. But straight back on this bed afterwards. Alone.’

He sat up on the bed when he got back, and John sat up next to him. ‘I hate this place as much as I hated MedLab.’

‘Don’t knock it, it’s where they keep the good drugs. You know, I’m a little bit surprised that in all the time we - well, you - were in MedLab back on the station, we never did anything untoward.’ 

‘Wasted opportunity,’ John agreed. ‘Although by virtue of being in MedLab, at least one of us probably wasn’t in a fit state to do anything untoward.’

‘Fair point.’ He looked down at himself, at the strange pale green pyjamas - for want of a better word - he’d been dressed in. ‘Besides, nothing here is really conducive to arousal.’

‘Oh, I don’t know. I think you look incredible sexy in those. Just one layer of soft material....’ 

Jack suddenly felt as if his privates were inexplicably exposed, soft and vulnerable in the light material of the medical clothing. He nudged John gently with his shoulder. ‘You’re biased.’

‘Yes, I am.’ There was heat in those words, and Jack glanced up to see it in the blue eyes looking steadily back at him. When John kissed him, slipped his tongue into his mouth, his entire body responded. 

They glanced up in unison when Stephen came back, two med techs behind him, trying desperately to be looking literally anywhere else in the room and not at them. ‘Thing about the way we dress you in here, it hides absolutely nothing.’

Jack protested, ‘Blame him!’

‘Stephen shook his head with a sigh of frustration. ‘Let me know when you can walk.’ Jack nodded, waited a beat or two for his erection to subside and slid off the bed, steadying himself on John’s knee. John followed suit, but Stephen shook his head. ‘You, stay.’

‘Not a chance. Last time you did this, the next thing I know he’s being sedated and rushed into the OR.’

For a moment it looked as if the doctor was going to put up an argument, but obviously decided it wasn’t worth it. ‘Fine, but you know there’s a small army of security out there who’ll follow.’ 

John grinned. ‘They can wait in the corridor.’

*

‘I told my Dad there were no perks to being president.’

‘You mean apart from the lavish apartment with the phenomenal view?’

‘This was back when we were still on B5.’

‘Ah. So what perks do you get?’

‘I get to take the day off without explaining myself to anyone.’

Jack laughed, shifting to make himself more comfortable on the sofa, head in John’s lap, John’s fingers in his hair. It was quickly becoming his favourite position, when they weren’t having sex.

‘You can go to work, I’ll be fine here.’

‘Do you want me to?’

‘No. I want you to stay here, pamper me and maybe order takeout.’ Smiling to himself, he murmured, ‘Never thought I’d ever say something like that to the president.’

‘Perks of being married to him. I wanted to ask you something, actually.’

‘Uhho,’ he tipped his head back, tried to see John’s expression from that angle but couldn’t. ‘Sounds ominous.’

’The ISA’s finally negotiated the sale of Babylon 5 from EarthDome. They wanted some big ceremony, which Michael refused to even contemplate, so they changed their minds and opted for a celebration at the end of August.’

‘What’s the difference?’

‘A ceremony has speeches, a celebration has music and dancing.’

‘Cool. How can I help?’

‘I want to borrow you, as First Gentleman. The advisory council wants me to go and I don’t want to go without you.’

Jack reached up, wanting to touch. He tickled the smooth chin. ‘First of all, you don’t have to ask to borrow me. I’m your husband, I knew what I was signing up for. Actually, there have been a lot less formal engagements than I’d imagined there would be, even taking into account you trying to keep me from getting blown up.’

‘It’s not really what the ISA’s about. It’s difficult arranging cross-species hospitality, and with all our members scattered across the galaxy…’ He shrugged. ‘Add to that Michael’s paranoia, me not being great at the whole entertaining thing, and Susan not really being a people-person… the only socially ones among us are you and Marcus, who will happily talk to absolutely anyone.’

‘Well, in answer to your first question, Thai would be great, from that little place on the plaza….’

‘Did I ask that question?’

‘Didn’t you? I thought you had, as you’re supposed to be looking after me and pampering to my wiles and needs….’

‘Okay, okay.’ He reached for the pad on the table, managing to snag it without disturbing Jack too much.

‘I’ll answer your second question when you tell me you want to go, and want me to go with you.’ 

John put the pad in Jack’s hands and he skim-read the menu until he found the dishes he wanted. ‘Isn’t that what I said?’

‘No. You said… the advisory council want you go to, you didn’t say you wanted to.’ He handed the pad back for John to add in his favourites before pressing the order button. 

John dropped the pad to the other side of the sofa, stroking his hand over the front of Jack’s shirt, dipping his fingers into the spaces between the buttons to get to bare skin. 

‘Michael’s in contact with Zack about security, and someone in charge of intelligence for the Mars provisional government is coming here from B5 to liaise with him. Stephen tells me she led the Mars resistance, that I met her after my rescue, but I don’t remember.’

‘Not all that surprising.’

‘Dr Osaka is coming too, primarily to talk to some of our psychological services personnel. She’s offered me a follow up session and I’ve accepted.’

Jack covered John’s hand on his chest. ‘Okay.’ He couldn’t see how the two things were connected, but in John’s head they were linked. 

‘It was Stephen’s suggestion, after the meeting where the celebrations on B5 were discussed. He hung back afterwards and I… I’d seen him watching me. I’d hesitated, when Delenn had asked me if I’d go, and I knew he’d seen it.’

’I think it’s a good idea for you to talk to Dr Osaka. The sessions you had with her seemed to help. As for going back to B5, that’s your decision, no one else’s. If you want to go, I’ll go with you, of course I will. If you don’t want to go… the ISA’s buying the place. This isn’t your last chance to visit, if anything, it’s sort of your first.’

*

They didn’t eat out much, preferring to order in. For a start it was nigh on impossible to keep an appointment that wasn’t set in stone, given the uncertainty of the schedule Jack worked to and the ever changing nature of John’s diary; which seemed to depend day to day on which member race of the Alliance had caused the most trouble in the last twenty four hours.

But they did get out once in a while, and tonight was one of those occasions. It was actually the anniversary of their night on Ganymede, but Jack doubted John knew that; he’d have been embarrassed to admit he knew it. Checking with Lilonee, the Minbari equivalent of what Jack supposed would be John’s PA back on Earth, he got the date firmly set into his husband’s calendar. She was a young Minbari, sweet girl, entirely competent at her job, but whereas on Earth the emphasis might sometimes get put on the Personal in a PA’s job description, as far as Lilonee was concerned, she was his assistant and nothing more. 

Jack booked a table at The Blue Marble, the exclusive restaurant built almost entirely for the ISA to entertain dignitaries, although it was used by ISA staff for first dates and special occasions. It was expensive and privacy was guaranteed, with each table set at the point of a ten-pointed star, with all the food prepared in the open kitchen at the centre, so that the activity could be watched, the chefs’ genius admired by every diner. Tables were as large or as small as required by each booking, so while a large party of visiting ambassadors could enjoy the company of each fellow diner around a large, circular setting, John and Jack were placed at right angles to one another at their intimate table for two.

John met him at the entrance, bang on time, dressed in a dark blue shirt, top button open, and dark blue trousers which hugged his backside and made Jack want to sink his teeth into it. 

‘Please don’t tell me I missed your birthday, or mine?’

‘No. I just wanted to take you somewhere posh.’

Michael had checked the place out earlier in the day and cleared it, so there was no security anywhere to be seen, although Jack was fairly certain there was security that couldn’t be seen. The concierge showed them to their table and their waiter brought menus for them to look at. The restaurant had been designed to replicate the view of the Earth from the Moon, so the walls were black, sprinkled with thousands of pin pricks of light, and the dome overhead simulated the curvature of the Earth. It was incredibly realistic. Jack appreciated the art.

Once their waiter had left them for a time, John leaned over and asked again what he’d missed. 

‘It’s just a date,’ Jack reassured him. ‘We haven’t been on many. We got married before we did the courting thing, so I thought we should try it.’

John was obviously suspicious, but he let it go. ‘It’s beautiful here. Thank you.’

After a few minutes with the menu, their waited returned, took their order, brought pre-dinner cocktails - a Sunspot for John, a Mojito for Jack - and left them alone again.

‘How was your day, Darling?’ Jack asked after a brief toast.

John grimaced. ‘Frustrating. Too many alien races with their heads up their own asses, and others trying to put their heads up the asses of other races.’

Jack let that vivid image float at the forefront of his mind for a moment. ‘Not something I’ve ever contemplated doing.’

That made John laugh. ‘I don’t think it’s physically possible, human anatomy being what it is. I think a couple of the races may be able to, with effort and a lot of lube.’

Jack was lucky to swallow his drink before he spat it out, eyes widening. ‘Please tell me you’re joking.’

‘I’m serious. The Gaim have spines which can curl all the way round into a ball. So, technically, it would be possible….’ 

‘Maybe we should get hold of some alien porn, because now I’m fascinated.’

John’s eyes danced with mischief, or maybe it was closer to arousal. ‘I’d be up for that,’ he murmured. 

Transfixed, Jack nodded. ‘Leave it with me.’ He reached for the water jug. ‘Have you ever… done anything, with a member of another race?’

‘No. I’ve never been attracted to anyone who wasn’t human. Have you?’

‘There… was a Brakiri out on Sagr 7. Their respiratory system and their digestive systems are completely separate, so they can breathe fine when their mouths are full….’ He watched John process that. ‘Just another one night stand, nothing more than a blow job, but very memorable.’

‘What are their…’ John made a complicated gesture with his hands, ‘reproductive organs like?’

Jack smirked. ‘Similar to humans, but bigger, or rather… thicker. Obviously other Brakiri’s are designed so that everything fits. Us, not so much.’ He caught the expression on John’s face. ‘Don’t worry, he didn’t even try to get it inside me. I could have got my hand inside him without even trying.’ He saw John swallow, the brief flicker of recognition over his face. ‘You’ve done that.’

He hesitated, but nodded. ‘With Michael.’

Obviously. He quelled the instant, familiar jolt of jealousy. ‘What’s it like?’

‘Strange. Uncomfortable. It depends how deep you go. With just the hand, it’s a bit like being stretched with an oversized dildo, just more intimate. Anything more… I didn’t like it, didn’t like the feeling of something, someone, being that far inside me. I had to tell Michael to stop.’

The thought alone actually made him wince. As much as he loved being inside John, loved being as deep as he could be with his tongue, his fingers, his cock… to be elbow deep in him didn’t appeal, but he wasn’t sure why. ‘He did stop…?’

‘Yes.’ John confirmed with the upmost patience. ‘Always. That was the agreement. He liked it when I did it to him, but I didn’t like doing it, so we only tried the once.’

He was very, very glad Michael seemed to have been a caring lover, a careful partner, but it would have been nice, on occasion, to have a reason to punch the guy. Not that Michael wouldn’t hit back, and way harder. Or maybe he wouldn’t. 

He watched John’s fingertips drawing shapes on the back of his hand. ‘I do love you.’

‘I love you too, Jack, and I’ll keep reminding you every day.’

The waiter brought their starters.

‘I love how we can talk about porn and sex in expensive restaurants.’

‘It’s not something I’ve ever done before, sat and talked about this stuff anywhere but in private, and even then it was more like a negotiation I’ve never felt comfortable enough with anyone. But with you it’s easy. I love that about you, about us.’ 

‘I love absolutely everything about us,’ Jack murmured, and it was a moment before he remembered there was food to be eaten. 

It was really good too, fresh, beautifully seasoned and cooked. The privacy was worth every penny but the quality of the food made it perfect. 

They managed not to talk about sex and porn all night, enjoying being together, talking about anything and everything else, stealing food from each other’s plates. John did at one point feed Jack a slither of meat from his main course, and didn’t do it a second time after Jack’s lips around his fingertips had him hard in a couple of seconds, and Jack saw the sudden hunger burning in his eyes.

At the end of the meal, Jack had a brandy and John had a cup of the mocha chocolate drink they’d discovered. Sated, contented, relaxed, Jack dipped his finger into his drink and looked up when John sat forward. What he wanted was obvious, and Jack obliged, letting him suck his finger between his soft lips, sliding the pressure all the way down, swirling his tongue around the tip, getting his own back. Jack shivered, a little light headed as his blood slammed into his cock.

‘How long’s it been since you’ve had a drink?’

‘I shared a bottle of vodka with Susan, a couple of weeks before Mars.’

‘A whole bottle?’

‘Took us a few hours. We’d earned it, and the hangovers that followed.’

‘You know, you’d probably be okay. The levels of psychotropics in your muscle tissue is very low now.’

John seemed to think about it. ‘I’ll ask Stephen. It would be nice, one night, to have a couple of glasses of whisky, then have you jerk me off, ever so slowly, riding the wave.’

‘It would be my pleasure,’ Jack stammered, cock trying to standing to attention at the idea, hampered by the constriction of his pants. ‘I really need to get you home.’

‘This was perfect. Thank you.’ John lifted his cup. ‘Happy anniversary, Jack.’

*

‘What are you thinking?’ John murmured, kissing the corners of Jack’s mouth, pushing his fingers into the soft greying hairs either side of his head, rising and falling slowly on the four fingers that were pressing inside him.

‘What makes you think I’m thinking anything beyond how amazing this feels?’

‘I can see it in your eyes, the way you’re looking at me.’

Jack hesitated, but he murmured, ‘It was what we were talking about at the restaurant. I love being inside you, but the thought of being….’ He was surprised by his own reluctance to say it. Usually he was happy talking about anything with John. 

‘The thought of being elbow deep in me?’

He nodded once. ‘I can’t shake it, and it makes me feel really uneasy, like it’s a violation of you.’

‘Fantasies can’t hurt me, not when they’re yours…. I know you’d never do anything I don’t want, but you’re welcome to have them, even describe them to me if you want to share.’

‘I think I’d feel like I was… tearing you apart.’

‘It shouldn’t feel like that, not with the right prep. It’s a little like… you know how it feels when you press your fingertip into your bellybutton?’ Jack glanced down between them, fingers stilling inside John, watching while John slicked up one fingertip with the lube and drew it down over Jack’s stomach to the indentation in the centre, dipping into the shallow hole, pressing against the puckered skin with a firm stroke. ‘Imagine that, but from the inside.’

Jack’s cock bounced against John’s wrist, definitely interested in whatever was going on because it involved John touching him somewhere that felt unbelievably intimate, even more so than the clutch of his sphincter around his hand. 

‘I didn’t like the feeling of having something so rigid so far up inside me. It’s very restrictive to how you can move. It’s handing over too much control. But if you want me to show you….’

Jack shook his head, sliding out from John’s ass and shifting back to rest against the headboard. ‘No. It’s not something I like the thought of.’ He watched John squeeze more lube onto his hand and fist his cock, the slick heat of it dragging a groan from deep in his throat. ‘This, on the other hand….’

It took them a few moments to find the perfect position before John positioned the blunt head at his stretched hole and sank down onto him, taking him inside with ease after having most of his hand up there, the rest of the penetration smooth until he was sitting in Jack’s lap. He leaned slightly back, knees either side of Jack’s hips, hands on his shoulders, and rose and fell, just once, before leaning down and kissing Jack’s mouth, sliding his tongue between his lips. 

Jack spread one hand between John’s shoulder blades, stroked the other down over the curve of his spine to his tailbone, fingers moving into his cleft, brushing the place where John was being held open by the thick shaft of his cock. Then he leaned back and drank in the sight of this beautiful man whose body he was deep inside, the sheen of sweat on his skin, the delicious pink of his hardened nipples, glorious erection jutting up between them. Bringing his hand around, he gently eased John’s foreskin back from the head of his cock, brushing the pad of his thumb over the weeping slit, bringing his hand to his mouth to taste it.

John surged forward with a moan, slipped his tongue into Jack’s mouth and tasted himself, at the same time driving Jack’s cock against his prostate. He groaned softly and sat back again, carefully.

‘Do you want me to move?’ he breathed.

‘Yes and no. I want to stay buried inside you all night. The pressure of you around me is exquisite, relaxing and contracting, pushing and pulling at the same time. But it’s some kind of incredible torture.’

‘I can feel you, deep inside me.’ If he leaned back, it changed the angle, so he shifted, wriggled, until he found the perfect position, every movement setting sparks off behind Jack’s eyes. He could imagine how it felt for John as he rose up on his knees and slowly dropped, setting a languorous rhythm, hands on Jack’s shoulder for balance. He kept his eyes locked with Jack’s, telegraphing every blissful nudge against his prostate, every rub of the sensitive walls inside him, every stretch of his hole. With one hand at the small of John’s back, Jack curled his hand around John’s erection and met his lazy movements, long strokes with a firm but not tight hand. There was no desperation, no rush. 

He watched as John came apart a little bit more every time he filled himself with his cock, listened to every moan, every breath, every murmur of his name, until he was close, close enough to come with a gentle touch to his balls or a firmer stroke of his cock. Instead, Jack pressed his hand against the base of John’s spine, sliding him further into his lap, changing the angle of penetration just slightly, but just enough. John cried out softly as he coated Jack’s hand with semen, body clenching, milking Jack’s own climax from him, deep in John’s bowels. 

John’s forehead came to rest against Jack’s, body trembling in his arms. He stayed in his lap until the softened cock slipped out, semen following, dripping steadily onto Jack’s thighs. Cautiously, John moved off him, ungraciously dropping to his ass on the bed, stretching his legs carefully.

‘I’m getting too old for this,’ he muttered, rubbing his knees. 

‘You haven’t felt old for the last hour. You’ve felt… fantastic.’ 

‘You too. I love how that position feels, how close to you it is.’

‘Not sure we could be much closer.’ He eased himself off the bed, making sure his legs would hold him before putting his weight on them, holding out his hand. ‘Quick shower?’

John looked down at himself; sweat and semen streaking his front, ‘Good idea.’ 

*

As much as they preferred to eat in, it was mostly takeaways and food deliveries. But, now and again, they did attempt to cook. Garibaldi had taught John how to make Spaghetti Bolognaise back on B5, and the ingredients - or something like them - were available on Minbar. The idea of a dinner party, rather than getting together at a restaurant, had been talked about for a while, but apparently at a meeting one morning, John had temporarily lost his mind and offered to cook for everyone. Susan bailed the day before the planned event, citing a late call with various members of the Earth Government, but Michael and Lise, Stephen and Maise were due at eight, and so far things were going well. 

Jack picked up fresh pasta from the marketplace on his way back from work and by the time he got home, John had the sauce already simmering on a low heat. The aromas of herbs and tomatoes made Jack’s mouth water. He got changed and joined John in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his middle where he was washing up.

‘We have a dishwasher,’ he pointed out.

‘It’s a part of the ritual of cooking,’ John responded, and that sounded like something Michael would say. ‘Thanks for getting the pasta.’

‘No problem. I hope there’s enough.’ 

‘I’m sure there will be. I’ve got something that looks and smells like garlic focaccia. No one’s going to go hungry.’ He dried his hands, turned, and kissed Jack. ‘I’ll go change. Keep an eye on the sauce? It just needs stirring periodically.’

‘Will do.’

John reappeared ten minutes later, grey shirt over dark trousers, top button left undone at his neck. Jack closed in on him, pressed a gentle kiss to the hollow of this throat, murmuring, ‘Gorgeous.’ In response, John put his hands on Jack’s hips, pushed him back against the counter and kissed him, tongue sliding between his lips. He hummed softly, and Jack’s dick twitched in his pants.

They didn’t have time, not really.

‘You’re very, very tempting,’ Jack told him, ‘but I have a table to set.’

John groaned. ‘That sounds horribly domestic.’

‘Hey, this was your idea, remember?’

‘Don’t remind me.’ He stepped back. ‘What do we need?’

‘Things to eat with? Things to eat off. I’ve never thrown a dinner party in my life.’

‘That I can actually believe.’ John opened the cupboard where the crockery was kept, squatted down to peer inside.

‘Was it a thing on B5?’

John looked up at him, opening his mouth to answer, and Jack saw it the moment it happened. His eyes lost focus, his whole body tensed. Jack dropped the handful of cutlery back into the drawer and dropped into a crouch, hands on the stiff shoulders. As soon as he touched him, John tried to scramble away from him, escape prevented by the cupboard behind him, back hitting the edge of the shelf inside rather than anything breakable. Jack knew he had to persist, stroking his upper arms.

‘John, come on, come back to me. You’re safe. You’re at home. You’re perfectly safe.’ He made a sound, a strangled cry which lodged in the back of his throat. ‘It’s all right. Come back to me.’

Blue eyes focused on Jack’s face and he knew it was over. John brought his hands up to hold on to Jack’s elbows and took a shuddering breath.

‘First flashback in a long time,’ he murmured, and John nodded once. ‘You’re all right. Just take a few deep breaths and tell me where you are.’

‘Home, ISA, Minbar.’

‘Good. Can you tell me what you saw?’

Tears welled up in his eyes. ‘I know… what caused the injuries… to my throat.’

The meal went well, everyone seemed to enjoy it, and the company was good, relaxed. Jack had been worried the flashback incident would leave him unable to deal with the social aspects of the evening, but John was happy in the company of good friends. 

Jack asked Stephen to help him clear the table and, as he and John had agreed, when they got into the kitchen, Jack told him what had happened.

‘He remembered two of the guards acting together, one pulling his head back with a fistful of his hair, the other holding his nose until he had to open his mouth, then they pushed what he thinks was a handle of a nightstick into his mouth. He vividly remembers it against his teeth. After that it got hazy, but he thinks he remembers liquid in his throat.’ The expression on Stephen’s face turned to disgust. ‘Is it… like waterboarding?’

‘No.’ He hesitated. ‘When I was on Mars with the resistance, I treated a guy who’d managed to escape from one of the holding prisons. He told me that a couple of the guards had done a similar thing - forced him to open his mouth, and pushed the handle of his nightstick inside. He had a broken tooth, cuts to his lips, abrasions to the roof of his mouth.’

‘Why? When you first told me about the injuries, back on B5, I imagined they’d… forced themselves on him, which was why he’d blocked it out.’

‘Unlikely. I’ve seen men with severe injuries after trying that. Even the threat of further punishment is unlikely to stop a tortured man sinking his teeth into a dick put inside his mouth.’

‘Then… what?’

Stephen hesitated. ‘You’re sure you want to hear this?’ Jack nodded after a hesitation. ’The guy I treated on Mars, they’d urinated down his throat.’ For a moment, Jack thought he was going to throw up his dinner. ‘There’s no proof that’s what happened to John. They might have just have done it because they liked inflicting pain and terror. They may have been told to get clean water inside him and that’s how they chose to do it because they were sadistic bastards.’

Jack leaned back against the counter, gazing out to the balcony, at John, happy, safe, relaxed in the company of friends. Lise was telling a story or a joke, keeping everyone amused. What he was remembering was in the past, it had happened, he was slowly recovering from it all and the flashbacks, like it or not, were a part of that recovery. Eventually, there would be nothing left hidden in his memory to jump out and scare him. But knowing he’d experienced these terrible things, knowing that he’d had to go through them, alone, terrified and in pain, still brought out a protective streak in Jack a mile wide.

‘Somewhere in his mind, a decision has been made that it’s okay for him to remember this now.’ Stephen reassured him. ‘He’s not as fragile as he was, he can deal with it.’

‘But he didn’t need to know.’

‘He lived through it, like you said. He does know, he just didn’t remember. Isn’t it better to have the certainty of what happened rather than the suspicion? Do you think he thought what you thought? That some guy shoved his dick in his mouth and he didn’t bite back? At least remembering will bring with it the knowledge that he had no choice, that what was done to him was forced on him and he couldn’t fight back.’

Stephen had a point. ‘What do I do?’

‘Exactly what you have been doing. Offer support, comfort, reassurance. Make sure he knows you’re disgusted by what they did to him, but not by him.’

Jack actually felt his fingers curling into a fist. ‘I’ve never been disgusted by him.’

‘I know.’ Stephen held up his hands, placating. ‘I know. You’ve never put a foot wrong as far as I know, and you’re only human. You’ve had to watch the man you love go through hell and you’ve been with him every step of the way.’

‘Not every step. I wish I’d been there, during the rescue. I’d have killed every last one of them.’

‘We couldn’t, not then, and you wouldn’t have either because you’d have had the same goal we had - to get him out of there alive.’

‘I’ll never be able to thank you enough for doing that.’

‘You thank me every day, Everything you’ve done for him… I could patch him back together physically but you’ve made him whole again. He’s recovered because of you. I should be thanking you.’

Out at the table on the balcony, Jack walked to where John was sitting and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, kissing the top of his head, breathing in the subtle scent of his fruity shampoo. John’s hands came up to rest on his arms, head turning slightly. ‘Okay?’

Jack nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He just needed to touch right then and John knew, understood. It was a minute or so before he could put the conversation with Stephen to the back of his mind for a while. Then he asked, ‘Right, who’s got room for dessert?’

It wasn’t something that stayed in the back of his mind for long. By the time they made it to bed, Jack just wanted to wrap himself around his husband and not let go. He listened to John in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, waited for him to come out and crawl under the covers, dropping onto him like the limpet he could be in bed. He pressed a kiss into the fine grey hair, arms tightening. John lifted his head.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Just… need to cuddle.’ It wasn’t a rare thing, but they usually ended up wrapped in one another after sex. He’d found it relatively easy to find ways of releasing his anger in the past; destroying things helped. Rampaging through the control and computer rooms on Mars with Stephen, taking a metal pipe to everything with a blinking light, had helped immensely. Tonight, for the first time, he’d wished the guard who’d forced open John’s mouth with a nightstick and pissed down his throat was still alive, so he could stamp on his windpipe and watch him suffocate to death. He was sure John’s shrink would have had something to say about it, but he couldn’t help it. It was how he felt.

*

JUNE 2263

He couldn’t remember the last time he had spare time. Being president wasn’t as full on as being Captain of Babylon 5 by a long shot, yet Lilonee ran his diary like a military operation and he rarely had a day clear of meetings, but Susan and Delenn were on the Drazi homeworld for a conference, the same one Jack was attending, and that meant his diary was quieter. Jack had asked him if he wanted to go, but it was only a few days and he’d originally imagined that the time apart might do them good. 

Unfortunately, neither of them were great at judging what was and wasn’t good for them and John had spent the last seventy-two hours distracting himself with work during the day and with friends at night. Still, it was only another twenty-fours hours; they were already on their way home. One more night. He’d been out bowling with Stephen, Marcus had cooked for him - then they’d ordered takeout - and tonight he and Michael were booked into the little Italian place on the plaza.

Before that, John decided to take a walk around the ISA facility. He hadn’t yet had the opportunity to walk the whole place, a scaled down version of a major city. People, Minbari, other aliens, all said hello as he passed, and by the time he got back to the apartment, he felt more at home than he’d ever been anywhere.

There was a message waiting for him from Jack, and it was so good to see his smile. ‘We’re about… twenty hours out,’ he said, with a glance back at Susan who said something in the background and waved. ‘I’ll find you when we get back. I’ve told Susan to arrange the next conference on Minbar, because I’ve missed you like crazy, John. I love you, and I’ll see you soon.’

He checked the time, counted forward twenty hours and left a note for Lilonee to clear his schedule an hour before, and for the rest of the day. He was trying not to remember the Concord hitting in mine in hyperspace, an hour out from B5. 

He met Michael outside the restaurant and they were shown to their table. He preferred an outside table, and given the beautiful sunsets at that time of year it was a stunning sky to be sitting out under. Michael was smiling from the moment they met, and John knew something was up. They ordered drinks and food - by now knowing their favourite menu items - and once the waiter had gone, he had to ask. 

‘What are you so happy about?’

Michael leaned over. ‘Lise is pregnant.’

‘Mike, that’s wonderful news!’ He stood, and Michael got to his feet and accepted the congratulatory hug. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Thank you. You’re the first person I’ve told. We’ve been waiting until we’re sure everything’s okay, but she’s three months gone and the baby’s fine. I couldn’t wait to tell you.’ When their drinks arrived, John raised a toast to the happy couple. ‘I wanted to ask you if you and Jack would be Godfathers.’

‘It would be an honour. Mike… I’m so happy for you. Are you excited?’

‘Excited, nervous, terrified. I honestly never thought I’d be bringing a kind into this world. But Lise has got more of a handle on the business now, a board she can trust and a team of good people supporting her. And this is a really good place to bring up a child. Not sure it’s something we’d have done back on Mars or even on B5. It’s not really something we’d planned, but we weren’t averse to the idea, just decided to let whatever happens happen, and it happened.’

‘I’m starting to think that’s the best way of dealing with life. You’ll need to talk to Delenn about a bigger place.’

‘We’ve been talking about extending the apartment. We think we can get a room added at the back, into the yard. Can’t imagine it would be too difficult being it’s only been up six months.’

John laughed. ‘Re-shaping already.’

‘The Minbari do say us humans have a habit of changing everything we touch. John… I wanted to thank you, for giving me a chance, bringing me here, encouraging me to reconnect with Lise. Most of all for trusting me, not just with your life but with Jack’s too.’

‘You know I was never going to want anyone else looking out for us. I’m happy you’ve made the most of it, happy you found Lise again.’

‘Me too.’

Their food arrived and for a couple of minutes they tucked in to what looked and tasted like fresh pasta. 

‘I do still miss you,’ Michael murmured, sitting back, lifting his glass. There wasn’t the invitation in his voice that had been there just a month ago, but John got the distinct feeling he wouldn’t miss a beat if he suggested going back to his place. ‘It’s different with Lise. Good, really good… but there are some things… you know?’

He did. He nodded. ‘Jack’s very… adventurous. It’s me who holds us back now. Although… it’s getting easier to think about trying certain things again.’

‘We hung Daffy above the bed, and every now and again Lise asks me what kind of things the duck witnessed on B5. I never go into too much detail, but she’s known about you and I since Mars. She likes to hear about what we got up to. She’s kinda kinky like that.’

‘Aren’t we all? Jack’s asked the same thing a couple of times, although I think he changes his mind when I tell him.’

Michael grinned. ‘I honestly didn’t think he’d want to know.’

‘He wanted to know if there was anything I wanted, specifically. But my tastes have changed somewhat.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He meant it, but John shook his head. 

‘Everything that happened led to us being here, being in the relationships we’re in. You and I… we’d have driven each other crazy in the end, you know that as well as I do. We needed it at the time but it wasn’t going to last, even without Bester’s interference.’

‘You don’t think we’d have settled into a steady relationship? Butt plugs before breakfast, meeting for lunch and to jerk off, dirty talk over dinner, a spot of bondage before bed?’

‘No.’ He could help but grin at the idea though. ‘You do realise that once this baby is born, your sex life is going to be seriously hampered.’

‘It is a worry… although apparently once the baby is born, the last thing I’m going to have the time or energy for is a sex life. Lise has said, very generously, that if there’s something I need she can’t give me, she’s okay if I go elsewhere… as long as I tell her everything. But I worry it would just become another addiction. I’m hoping I’ll get older, I’ll get tired and I’ll stop wanting all the other stuff.’

‘You really think that’ll happen? Jack’s ten years older than us and he’s horny all the time.’

‘Well, there goes that theory. I’m sort of hoping that having baby waking us at all hours of the night, and later a toddler running around the place at all hours of the day will ease my way into old age.’

John smiled, raised his glass. ‘Mike, I wish you… the best of luck.’

It was so good to be able to talk to his old friend so openly and honestly. Michael had meant it when he’d said he missed him, not just the sex but his easy company and wicked sense of humour. Sometimes he looked at him and saw the wreckage they’d pulled out of that cell on Mars; half-dead, bruised and bleeding, covered in blood, vomit and other stuff he never wanted to think about but always ended up doing just that. He’d known, deep down, he’d never touch John ever again in all the ways he’d once done, that however successful they were in fixing the corrupted mess that was their friendship, he’d known nothing would ever get them back to the intimacy they’d shared in the past. 

They’d tried once, back on B5, after Jack had left for Earth. But the sight of John’s battered and scarred body, knowing he’d been responsible for all of it, had been an ice bath for his cock. John’s dick had absolutely refused to participate, and there had been fear in his eyes when Michael reached for it. It was possibly the worst experience of Michael’s life, and that was up against a shitload of stiff competition.

Even if Jack hadn’t shown up, there’d never been any hope for them. And once Mr Wonderful was on the scene… well, Michael thought he should have seen it right back at the start. He’d been not just what John had needed him to be, but Susan and Stephen too, letting them lean on him when they’d needed to, supporting them all through something unimaginable, all the time being the lifeline John needed to pull himself back from the brink, physically and mentally.

’I do sort of keep expecting to walk into your office and catch you two fucking on the desk, or him on his knees giving you a blow job, because that’s what I’d be doing if I was him.’ Far from being scandalised, John looked at him like they’d either done it already and he’d missed it, or they’d talked about doing it. ‘I knew it!’

‘We haven’t, not yet. But I make no promises. We’ve talked about it.’

‘Did you ever… back on B5?’ 

John nodded, biting his bottom lip, looking all kinds of guilty. ‘Just before we left. We closed the door, and he just got down on his knees in front of my chair… it was perfect. I can’t tell you how many times I’d sat there day dreaming about it. The reality was so much better than I’d ever thought it would be. The power trip was quite something.’

That Jack was a kinky sod didn’t surprise Michael in the least. It was always the quiet ones. Not that he was quiet. He was… something else, not exactly an extravert, not looking for the limelight, although being with John afforded him it and he seemed quite comfortable there. He was almost impossible to pin down, and that alone would have been enough to set Michael on edge, even if he wasn’t fucking John on a regular basis. Except… they weren’t just fucking, they’d committed themselves to one another, so obviously in love. 

As crazy as he’d driven himself for a little while, imagining it could have been him at John’s side for the rest of his life, he knew John was right; they’d have driven each other insane. They’d have fought, argued, screamed at one another, and even if the make up sex had been phenomenal, they’d have ended up in a relationship very unhealthy, very bad for both of them. Jack was as easy going as they came, somehow managing to fit into lives which were jagged and chaotic, going from commanding a starship on the rim, exploring, building and repairing jump gates, to living with a man half the universe wanted dead, on a space station that had been at the centre of two wars in three years. And the only times he seemed bothered by any of it was when John’s life or happiness was threatened. So many times, Michael had wanted to ask him if he was for real, poke him just to make sure he wasn’t some projection or illusion. But the way John talked about him, he was just as human, just as fallible as the rest of them. 

‘He lost his favourite dildo when the Cortez was destroyed,’ John was saying, and Michael almost spat out his drink in surprise. ‘He lost everything, but for some reason, that seems to be the one thing he was actually bothered by. I was thinking about replacing it.’

‘Only thinking?’

‘My… phobias work both ways.’

It took him a moment to understand. ‘In which case, I would bet on him not wanting you to replace it, because he’s never going to ask you to use it.’

’Since he told me about it, I’ve been imagining him using it on himself….’

‘Ah, well… if that’s a thing, I can send you the details of the place I use since our last supplier went out of business. One word of caution, you might want to use a generic ISA destination address. Don’t get me wrong, they use anonymous packaging, but it’s still not something you want sent directly to your home.’

‘Speaking from experience?’

He nodded. ’My first order, the sorting office got suspicious given the size, weight and shape. They thought it was some sort of threat and opened the package. I had to go down there and explain. I almost told them it was a present for you.’

‘Don’t you dare….’

‘The second time I ordered a vibrator. Apparently they sent it with the power source already installed. The sorting office here thought it was a bomb, sent it down to security, and they blew it up in a controlled explosion.’ John was laughing so much there were tears in his eyes. ‘Cost me a small fortune.’

‘You need a better supply route. Ask Marcus next time he goes back to Earth. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind picking up a couple of things for you.’

‘Right, and then I’d have to explain myself to Susan.’

‘Don’t worry about Susan. Her collection of vibrators on B5 made ours look pathetic.’ 

That time, he did spit his drink out.

*

Jack listened to the story of security blowing up Michael’s vibrator, and made a mental note to be careful what he ordered and where he got it from. He also seized on the opportunity to ask, ‘How are we feeling about toys?’ 

‘Depends on what we’re talking about.’

‘Not vibrators, dildos, anything like that; I’m not sure I could do that even if you wanted me to. But when you used those gorgeous anal beads on me, it was nothing short of glorious, and I wondered if you wanted to give them a go. No pressure, if you don’t that’s more than fine, obviously.’ He glanced at John, saw his expression and nodded. ‘It’s okay.’

‘It’s not a no.’

He’d already heard the hesitation. ‘It’s really, really okay.’ He put down the pad he’d been reading and turned on the cushions, reaching to stroke the hairs above John’s ear. ‘It was just a passing thought, it’s absolutely not something I need.’

‘Maybe it’s something I need.’

‘I’m not sure it is.’

‘I used to love those beads.’

/And then you were brutally raped by Clarke’s men using the nightsticks they were beating you with./ He didn’t say it. Instead, he murmured teasingly, ‘Hey, you prefer my cock now, it’s totally understandable.’ 

John dropped his reports to the floor and shifted to face Jack, interest in the conversation more pronounced than Jack would have guessed. ‘What did you have in mind?’

‘You, me, the beads and the cock ring.’ He stroked light fingertips along the outside of John’s growing erection where it was pushing against his fly. ‘But only, only if you’re comfortable. Like I said, I get everything I need from you, the sex is already incredible. I don’t need more.’

John’s breath hitched in his throat. ‘Let’s give it a go. If I completely freak out, we’ll know it’s not going to work.’

‘I’d prefer for that not to happen, John. This is supposed to be fun.’

‘And it might be. I don’t want to close doors for myself when they don’t need to be closed. I’ve shut too many already. Try them.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay.’ 

He turned back, retrieved his pad from the sofa, and carried on reading. 

‘Oh, no, you can’t suggest something like that and then just go back to work!’ John climbed into Jack’s lap, cradling his face and kissing him. Happily abandoning his work, Jack sucked on the tongue that worked its way into his mouth, tasted chocolate and orange, and wanted more. He pushed his hips forward, sliding himself over the cushions, bringing his erection into contact with John’s. If they carried on like this, it would be a moot point about the beads.

Pushing John very gently away, he caught and held his hands. ‘Bedroom.’

Jack retrieved the ring and beads from a drawer, putting them in John’s hands as he pushed him to sit on the bed. ‘These are the only things I’ll be using,’ he reassured. ‘You know them, you’ve used them before and you liked them. They didn’t hurt because they were used by someone who loved you. I love you, I would never hurt you. If you want me to stop, you say stop.’ He noted the way John was running the beads through his fingers; five of them, metallic, silver, the first half an inch in diameter, the last an inch and a half. ‘If you don’t want to do this, just tell me.’

‘I do. I actually do. Just… go slow, okay?’

Jack smiled. ‘I always go slow. You’re the impatient one.’

Easing John back to the bed, Jack straddled his hips, leaned down and kissed him. That’s all he did for a while, sucking gently on John’s tongue, tasting the inside of his mouth. They were both achingly hard by the time Jack started to remove John’s clothes, kissing his skin as he laid it bare, tracing pale scars with his tongue. John moaned, hips lifting, erection pressing into Jack’s thigh. 

He slid off the bed to remove John’s socks, trousers and underwear, freeing his swollen cock, bending to lick a thick line from hilt to tip, smiling when John thrust up. ‘If we get into that, it’ll be over too soon,’ he murmured, ‘as much as I love having you come in my mouth.’ He stripped, shooing John further up the bed. ‘Bend your knees.’ He eased John’s legs apart, reached between them and wrapped his hand around his cock, giving it a couple of gentle tugs before moving to cup his balls. Taking the tube from the bedside table, he lubed up the beads and two of his fingers and he shifted closer, on his knees, teasing one slick finger from the backs of John’s balls to his hole, easing just the tip of it inside him. He felt the muscle contract and pushed through it, sliding deeper, the slight bulge of his knuckle providing that first stretch. He felt John push down onto his hand and added a second finger, pushing them all the way inside as he pressed one of John’s knees to the bed and stretched out to lie half over him, twisting his hand carefully, opening him further. 

‘Please….’

‘I will, John, I just love doing this. I can feel you trying to push me out and pull me deeper at the same time.’ He nipped gently at John’s nipples, using his teeth lightly. John arched his back and Jack worked his way over the rise and fall of his ribs, dipping the tip of his tongue into his belly button, noting the moan that elicited, again licking the familiar lines of his scars before dropping a kiss to the top of his cock.

‘You want me stop, just say stop. Okay?’ 

John nodded, a jerky, uncertain movement, and Jack hesitated. 

‘Just do it!’

‘So pushy….’ Easing his fingers out, Jack sat back on his ankles, admiring the view while he held John’s cheeks apart, picked up the beads and lined up the first one. Very carefully, he pushed it inside, dilating his hole half an inch, no more, at its widest point, watching him close behind it onto the smooth, slim shaft. John tensed, then relaxed, and Jack leaned down, kissed the inside of his thigh. ‘All right?’

‘Yeah.’

The second bead was slightly larger, met a little more resistance, but John moaned softly as it disappeared inside him, the action pushing the first bead against his prostate, and his softening cock started to fill again. Almost as an afterthought, Jack pulled the second one back out gently and pushed it in. John put his head back, the soft moan from his throat definitely more like what Jack was after. Reaching out, he stroked his hand over John’s flank, through the sheen of sweat on his body. 

The third bead was larger again, and as it went in it pushed the other two deeper inside, massaging his prostate, dragging a moan of pleasure from his throat as he flexed his hips. Jack decided that was enough. Leaving the beads, he reached for the lube again, squeezing some into his hand, keeping the tube close by as he wrapped his palm around John’s cock and stroked him until he was fully hard, until the slit was leaking, until he was close to begging. Then he picked up the ring and fastened it around the base of John’s erection with a soft snap; John’s head lifted, eyes wide, and for a moment Jack thought he’d gone too far, but after a shivery breath, he lay back again, hips tilted up, thighs taut, holding himself off the bed.

Jack straddled him, forcing his hips down, dragging a moan from him. He leaned down and kissed him, tonguing into his mouth before rising up onto his knees. It took a little manoeuvring but he lined up John’s cock between his cheeks, against his hole, and pushed down slowly. He felt the slight pain of the slick head breaching him, winced at the stretch, but kept going until he was sitting on John’s thighs, thick cock deep inside him. He took a few moments to breathe, watching the play of emotions across John’s face, watching for anything that might not have been positive. His weight was pressing the beads further inside, pressing the fourth one against his sphincter, but it wouldn’t breach him without a significant push. He reached for John’s hands, laced their fingers, lifted himself up a couple of inches and dropped. John’s fingers gripped him and he swore brightly, eyes widening.

‘Okay?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Good. Because you feel incredible inside me.’ Twisting slightly, reaching back between John’s legs, he took a hold of the beads and pulled them out as he lifted, pressing them back as he dropped. He watched John’s eyes close, felt him trying to move his hips, and tightened his knees carefully against his sides, free hand settling just below his navel. ‘My rodeo, remember?’ he murmured, flexing his hips slightly, mirroring the movement with the toy. 

John moaned, fingernails scraping along Jack’s thigh, his other hand clawing at the sheet. ‘It’s so good, Jack….’

‘All you have to do is enjoy it.’ He moved again, rising half way up John’s cock, pulling two of the globes out of John’s ass, pushing them back as he dropped. The angle was slightly awkward, but he wanted to watch John’s face. Every move, every pull and push, was dragging of the beads over his prostate, pushing against the sensitive walls of his rectum, driving him closer to an orgasm the ring around his cock was going to deny him. Jack didn’t want the waves of pleasure to tip over into pain.

After a couple of tries, he set a slow rhythm, fucking him gently with the toy as he fucked himself on his cock, and John went with it, body in constant sensuous motion on the bed. Jack had to keep pinching the base of his own dick lightly to stop his orgasm. 

‘God, Johnny, you look so fucking gorgeous.’ He spread a hand on his belly, dipped a fingertip into the hollow of his navel. ‘Love you so much.’

‘Fuck, Jack….’

John’s feet finally slipped on the sheets, and he stretched out one leg, the other falling to the side, bent at the knee. It pushed the beads deeper, forced the fourth largest hard against his already stretched hole so that he cried out in surprise. Feeling for it, Jack eased its passage inside him. John mewed softly, raising his hips, whether trying to push further into Jack’s body or away from the pressure inside him, Jack wasn’t sure. But he waited, made sure John’s expression settled into bliss not pain, and when he was certain, he raised himself up, pulling the four beads out, thrusting them back in as he dropped, loving the feel of John’s magnificent cock inside him.

Several times, John had tried to touch him and each time Jack had stopped him, knowing if he so much as ghosted fingers over his aching cock, he’d come instantly. But this wasn’t supposed to be torture for either of them. Brushing his hand over the inside of John’s thigh, he pulled again on the beads, counting them as they came out, rising up on his knees. 

Finally he gave John permission to touch, and a hot, slick hand wrapped around him, carefully as he pushed the toy back into John’s body in a single, smooth motion, at the same time releasing the catch on the cock ring and sinking down, leaning back, taking him deep. John howled as he thrust his hips upwards, and Jack felt him ejaculate inside him, imagined his ass clutching at the globes inside it. His own orgasm crashed over him. It was a few seconds before he could think straight enough to ease the beads out and drop them along with the ring onto the bed. Then he stretched carefully onto John’s chest, caught in the circle of John’s arms and held tight, John’s softening cock still inside. 

‘Fuck.’ The word escaped without him really knowing it. He lifted his head. 

‘That was… you’re incredible.’

‘You inspire me.’ Pushing himself up on his hands, dropping a kiss to John’s lips, he murmured, ‘Let me clean us up.’

‘I told you, I’m happy to be sticky with you.’ 

Jack laughed softly. ‘I know. But I like doing this for you.’ He rolled carefully to the side, John slipping of out of him. He fetched a wet cloth from the bathroom and wiped John’s abdomen and stomach where his come had left white, drying streaks, kissing each inch of skin that he cleaned. He wiped the excess lube away, and drew the cloth carefully along the length of John’s softening cock, kissing it as it lay quiescent against his thigh. 

Dropping the cloth to the floor, Jack crawled back onto the bed and settled at John’s side, leg over his thigh, fingers drawing random patterns on his flushed skin. They lay together for a time, neither sleepy, until Jack murmured, ’Tell me what you used to enjoy.’

’What I used to enjoy...?’

‘Before…. What were you into. I know there are things you don’t want to do now, but I’d like to hear about what you liked in the past. If you’re happy to tell me.’

He felt John’s fingers comb through his hair. ‘You’re sure you want to hear about that? It was mostly with you know who.’

‘I know. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know. I want to hear about it.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re as sexy as hell, because I love listening to you talking about sex. Because I might be able to learn a few things.’

‘I doubt it.’ Before Jack could be insulted, John corrected himself. ‘I don’t mean….’

‘I know what you mean. But I can still learn.’

He could still sense John’s hesitation, but he waited, and eventually he started to talk.

‘Michael and I were all about release and affirmation, after the stress, the violence, the death…. We both liked to have control taken from us, so we used ties; ropes and cuffs. He was interested in BDSM - he had this whip he loved me to use. I was never into pain, but I didn’t mind inflicting it when he asked me to, to a point. It was never anything extreme. I’m sure most in the scene would have called us vanilla. He loved to fuck me and I loved him doing it. He liked it hard and fast, but he also liked to work up to it. He’d tie me up, use the ring, a plug, then his fingers, his cock, working up to the larger vibrators and dildos. Only when I had something huge in my ass would he release me and let me come.’

‘You liked that.’

‘Oh yeah. I remember… one particular night, after he’d more or less fisted me, coming so hard I saw stars. And… he loved the idea of me walking around all day with a plug inside me. He’d put it in before he left in the morning, and he’d know whenever I sat down I’d be thinking of him doing it. If we got the chance, he’d come round later that night, take it out and fuck me into the mattress. Otherwise, I’d jerk off with it still inside me, then take it out myself.

‘There was a time he talked about maybe asking someone to join us. He wanted to have me suck him off while another man fucked me from behind. It was a fantasy, although I think I’d have indulged him if we’d found the right guy. Most of all, I craved the sex, just to forget everything else for a few hours, to feel good for a while, hand over the decisions to someone else.’ Jack lifted his head and rested his chin on John’s chest, arm around his waist, feeling protective all of a sudden, and more than a little possessive. ‘I’m telling you because you asked,’ John reminded him. ‘But you know better than anyone that Mars changed everything for me. I don’t want any of that now. I know a year ago I couldn’t have done what we did tonight, but if you tried to restrain me, I think I’d still have a panic attack.’

‘I know you would. John, you tense if I hold your wrists. But… if you still need to hand over to someone for a while….’

‘No more than I do already.’

‘I just don’t want you to feel you can’t ask me for something, or ever need to go looking for it elsewhere.’

John’s arm tightened around him, hand reaching to grasp his. ‘I wouldn't. I couldn't. I don’t want anyone else ever again.’

‘I am very relieved to hear that, because I don’t think I could share you. And if anyone lays a finger on you that you don’t want, I will forcibly detach it, along with other body parts they’re unlucky enough to have left exposed.’ 

‘Probably best to keep it just you and me, for everyone’s safety. You give me everything I need; you have been doing ever since I stepped aboard the Agamemnon.’ He scraped his fingernails gently through Jack’s beard. ‘So what about you? What do you need?’

‘This. You. I’m incredibly dull when it comes to sex, I’m sorry to say.’

‘You’re anything but,’ John disagreed, ‘I can assure you.’

‘You and I… that’s what I love. I tried bondage, got myself into a bit of a dangerous situation in a club once, made it out with a few more bruises than I’d have liked. Couldn’t sit down for a week.’ He caught the expression on John’s face, and moved up to kiss him. ‘It was a long time ago, you can’t hunt him down. But that experience put me off. I told you about my favourite dildo that went down with the Cortez… although I like to think it’s still floating around through space, scaring alien races.’ He smiled, mostly to himself. ‘I’ve had any number of one night stands with barmen, waiters, dancers, from clubs on worlds where we’ve stopped for supplies or shore leave; bottoms mostly, so I didn’t find myself in the same precarious position again. As I got older I sort of lost interest, or couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort. It had been a while by the time we lost the Cortez. I wasn’t looking for this, wasn’t expecting it - with you or anyone else - yet it’s perfect, John. You’re perfect. I don’t need more. I don’t have the strength for more!’

‘The two of us in our bed at night, waking with you in the mornings, I can’t tell you how much I love this, love you. When you look at me, when you touch me, it feels like you’re touching my soul.’

‘Not too many people can say things like that and get away with it. You say things like that, and I understand why your friends would follow you into hell. Sometimes I have to remind myself you’re the same man who climbed into my lap in that bar on Ganymede and begged me to take him to a motel and fuck him.’

‘My mouth’s got me into more trouble than out of it,’ he murmured.

‘Maybe, but I’m a big fan of your mouth.’

‘You’re in a very small minority.’

‘Good.’ He touched his lips to John’s neck, to his jaw, tracing the curve of his ear with the tip of his tongue. John shuddered, and Jack’s sated dick gave a twitch of interest. He backed off, kissing the tip of John’s nose before flopping onto his back and pulling John over to wrap around him in that way he did, the way that Jack loved. 

‘You’re insatiable,’ he murmured, stroking John’s back. ‘You are going to be the death of me.’

John lifted his head to kiss his nipple before lying back down. ’At least you’ll die happy.’

‘Happiest guy in the universe, believe me.’

*

With Jack at his side, John watched the small group disembark from the White Star, surprised and a little embarrassed to see Dr Deloris Osaka following the woman he knew only as ‘Number One’ down the ramp. He’d known she was coming, of course, but having only ever seen her in a professional setting, in her office, it unbalanced him a little to see her out of that environment. He didn’t know what he was going to say to her and felt himself lean just slightly to the left, arm pressing against Jack’s, his presidential mask sliding into place. Jack slipped his hand into John’s, squeezing gently, offering silent support, and John was relieved when Dr Osaka smiled and nodded in greeting, but focused her attention on greeting Stephen, engaging him in conversation on the short walk over to the facility entrance.

Number One’s name was Tessa apparently. Michael re-introduced them and she shook his hand. ‘Mr President, you’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you.’

‘Thank you, but that… wouldn’t be difficult.’ She inclined her head, acknowledging it.’ This is Jack Maynard, Director of Strategy for the ISA, and my husband.’

She shook his hand too, after a moment of surprise. ‘Have we met before?’

Jack looked genuinely clueless. ‘I don’t think so. I haven’t been on Mars for... twelve years, maybe longer.’

‘Did you know my father, Captain David Holloran?’

Judging by the way Jack’s eyes widened, yes he did. ‘He was a good man. I can’t believe... oh my God, you’re little Tess! Christ, the last time I saw you, you barely came up to hip height.’

She laughed at that. ‘Not sure if that makes me feel old or young.’

‘It makes me feel ancient.’

It was a while before John could get Jack on his own, out of the balcony of the council chambers during a break in the proceedings, while Michael and Tessa poured over the security plans for the celebrations on B5.

‘You fucked her father?!’

Jack looked extraordinarily guilty. ‘It was one night. Jeez, thirty years ago! I’d known him a while. I was visiting Mars, his wife was away on some diplomatic mission to Earth.... Tess was just a child....’

‘You did have a thing about sleeping with otherwise straight guys.’

‘There are no straight guys. Everyone’s a little bit curious, or they should be.’ He turned so they were face to face, mere inches between them. ‘I wasn’t sure about you, early on, wasn’t sure I could get you into bed. I spent most of that night on Ganymede debating with myself whether or not you’d be... open to the idea. Turns out you were very open to it.’

The way he said it conjured an obscene image in the forefront of John’s mind, and for a moment, he forgot where he was, who he was, could see nothing but the man he’d loved more than life. ‘Right now, I just want to get down on my knees, bury my face in your groin, so all I can smell is you. I want you to fill my mouth with that gorgeous cock so all I can taste is you....’

‘Jesus Christ.’ That wasn’t Jack. John glanced over to see Susan five feet away, staring at them. ‘You two... you should come with a fucking fire warning.’ He stepped back, not daring to look at Jack for a second, hoping his physical reaction wasn’t too obvious. ‘They want to run something by you, when you’re ready.’ She emphasised that last bit. ‘I might need some me time.’

Only when she was definitely out of earshot did Jack say, ‘What do you think, the three of us...?’

John’s eyes widened. ‘Absolutely not.’

He laughed, glanced down between them. ‘Did the trick though, didn’t it? Come on, let’s get this over with. That way we can go home and you can have me for dinner.’

*

John met Dr Osaka the next day, in one of the consulting rooms in the ISA’s mental health clinic. He’d never been there before, but the whole design of the place put him at ease, and he’d spent enough time with her to be comfortable in that kind of setting. He took a seat opposite her.

‘How are you doing, John?’

He took a deep breath and released it slowly. ‘I am… trying.’ 

‘Trying what?’

‘Not to be scared of everything.’

‘Okay. Give me an example.’

‘Leaving the apartment, stepping into a dark room, meeting large groups of strangers.’

‘What do you imagine is going to happen to you?’

‘It’s not so much imagining something’s going to happen…. If I think logically, I know I’m safe, the circumstance of what happened is over; I’m not in the same position, I don’t have the same enemies, but there’s always a niggling fear at the back of my mind, telling me it could happen again.’

‘That you could be abducted again?’

‘Detained against my will, beaten, tortured….’ He sighed. ‘I sound like a fucking broken record.’

‘John, I told you at the start, this isn’t something that’ll just go away.’

‘It’s been over a year.’

‘That’s not a lot of time at all.’

‘Sometimes it feels as raw as it did after they rescued me.’

‘It might not always feel like that, but there will certainly be times it’ll feel that way. You’ve suffered severe trauma, this was physical and mental torture. There’s no schedule for your recovery, no timescale for healing. It’s highly unlikely you’ll ever be in a place where you can say you’re over what happened to you. But, do you feel like you’ve made anything you might call progress?’

‘The triggers don’t have the power they had.’

‘Which ones?’

‘The food, the drink…. I can’t bring myself to eat a sandwich, or drink coffee, but I can at least be around them without having a panic attack.’

‘That’s excellent progress.’

He smiled, almost laughed. ‘Really?’

‘Yes. Don’t deny yourself the wins, even if they feel like small ones.’ With a deep breath, he pulled on his left sleeve. ‘What about the nightmares? Are they still as frequent and as vivid?’

‘Not as frequent since we got to Minbar. But when they do happen, they’re vivd.’

‘Are they nightmares or night terrors?’

‘The terrors have stopped, for the most part. I’ve had one or two.’

’That’s good. Minbar seems to be good for you, you seem to have found some peace of mind here.’

‘It feels less like the walls are closing in. I don’t really understand it. I’ve been in space most of my adult life, and that’s… who I was. But having spent six months here, being able to step outside whenever I want, whenever I start to feel claustrophobic… I feel like I’ve got space to think.’

‘How does the thought of a long trip aboard a ship, and spending days back on Babylon 5, make you feel?’

He thought about that. ‘Anxious.’

‘Do you feel that it’s something you have to do? Or should do?’

‘I feel like it’s something I should do, just to prove to myself that it’s safe, that nothing’s going to happen to me, to us.’

‘By us, you mean you and Jack?’

‘I don’t know what scares me more, something bad happening to me or something bad happening to him.’

‘John… What happened to you - your arrest, detainment, torture - that isn’t going to happen again. The people who did that to you are dead. You have a personal security detail, people around you who will keep you safe and protected. I can’t say nothing will ever harm you again, no one can say that, you know better than most how much risk there is involved in just living your life. If nothing ever happened to you, I imagine you’d eventually be bored out of your skull. But you can make choices which will allow you to live happily. For example, I’m sure as president you’re allowed to take one of those beautiful ships out whenever you feel the need. Go for a spin around the block, as we’d say on Earth. Take one out for an hour, come back, see how you feel. The next time, if you’re comfortable, go further. Or don’t. This is a beautiful place. You’ve spent most of your life in space. There’s nothing to say you can’t settle here, stay here. I’m sure there’s plenty to see on this exquisite world, a lifetime of journeys to be made without ever leaving.’

‘The ISA can’t have a president who won’t travel off-world.’

‘Why? Where does it say that? Besides, that’s not the point. The point is, if and when you do go off-world, make it your choice. Don’t let your position, your advisors, anyone, push you into doing things you don’t want to do. So much of your fear comes from the idea of losing control, not of yourself but of your life. That’s what they took from you on Mars: control, free will. Whether you realise it or not, each time you say no to someone, it’s a little rebellion, and it’s okay to do that. It’s okay to say no. You’ve been doing it for others for years, protecting them, now do it for yourself.’

*

Lazy mornings were becoming John’s favourite thing. His flight in the White Star wasn’t until ten hundred and Jack didn’t seem to be in any hurry to get to work. He’d taken a long shower while John got dressed, stepping out of the bathroom shamelessly naked, towel drying his hair.

‘Hey, do you have... a few minutes?’

John knew he was staring, if he stared for much longer he’d need more than a few minutes before he went anywhere. ‘Absolutely.’

Jack looked a little coy as he dropped the towel and crossed to the drawers. ‘I have a favour to ask.’ He lifted out a black box and handed it to John as he moved to sit on the bed. He sat too, reaching for something from the bedside cabinet. Curiously, John opened the box and lifted a butt plug from inside. It was black and smooth, soft skin over what felt metal, the shape an elongated cone around two inches from base to tip, with a rounded edge and a soft flare to seat it. 

‘It’s lovely,’ he murmured, appreciating the design, and the obvious expense. Jack was handing him the lube, and he took it, looking up.

‘Would you mind... putting it in me? Or is that a step too far?’

‘It’s not.’ The thought of fucking him with a dildo or a large vibrator still made him feel slightly sick, yet he’d been successful with the beads, and the plug was beautiful, but he was surprised to put it mildly. ‘For the day?’

Jack nodded. ‘If I can work without being too distracted. I remember you said, that you used to do it, and I wanted to try it. It should be a quiet day, and with you off world...’

‘I’ll only be gone a couple of hours.’

‘So, when we get back tonight, you can take it out and I’ll be open and ready for you to fuck me.’

Reaching to cradle Jack’s head, John kissed him, tongue sliding into his mouth. Shifting up onto his knees, he wrapped his arms around him. He loved this as much as knew Jack did, one of them naked, the other fully clothed. He slipped his hand down between Jack’s legs and took a loose hold of his erection. 

‘Get on your hands and knees,’ he murmured, letting his arm drop from Jack’s waist. 

Jack did as he was told, bracing himself, legs and knees apart. John moved to kneel behind him, parted the cheeks gently with his hands and leaned forward, licking the tip of his tongue over the puckered pink hole. Jack groaned, pulling forward with the surprise of it, then pushing back. This wasn’t something they did often, but John loved it, loved the way Jack’s body opened naturally for him like this, loved it when Jack did it for him, that there was only the sensation and none of the pain. He pushed in until his lips were sealed over Jack’s anus, tongue fucking him gently for a few long minutes, Jack writhing, trying to get more. He pulled out slowly, using one hand to get the lid of the lube open while his other held Jack’s cheeks apart, ready for the slick penetration of his fingers, one at first, then two, scissoring them a little, feeling the tremors of Jack’s body, loving the sounds he made. 

John added a third finger and wrapped his arm around Jack’s middle. ‘Sit up and back.’

Jack came up cautiously, the movement forcing him down onto John’s fingers as they twisted inside him, pushing a cry from his throat. He wrapped one arm around Jack’s middle, his other hand around his cock, taking his weight as he reached one arm back and up, around John’s neck, bucking between the fingers deep inside him and the sheath of the hand surrounding him.

John kissed the side of his throat, his arm, any skin he could reach. He was hard, his confined cock rubbing against his own wrist as it ploughed up into Jack’s body. ‘I want you thinking about me all day,’ he murmured. 

‘Think about you... all day, every day.’

‘Today you’ll be feeling this whenever you move. Wear loose trousers and a long shirt because you’re going to be half hard all the time. Especially if you’re sitting down.’ John angled his fingers, deliberately brushing Jack’s prostate, and he came, yelling, forcing himself back and down. John rode it out with him, loosening his hand, then letting go of his softening cock and reaching for the plug. He’d inserted one into his own ass enough times in the distant past, it was easy to slide his fingers out carefully, get enough lube over the soft skin of the toy to make this smooth, line it up and push it inside in a single motion, angling it, until the flare sat flush against Jack’s flesh.

‘Breathe,’ John murmured, ‘just let yourself get used to it.’ He wrapped both arms around Jack’s waist, holding him close. 

‘Bigger than I thought.’ Jack’s hands were on John’s thighs, and he could feel the effort he was using to hold himself up.

‘You’ll like it, just give yourself a minute or two. Try to relax. That’s why I got you off, I wanted you relaxed when it went in.’ By increments, the tension ebbed away and Jack went boneless in his arms, trusting John to support him. ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah. It’s... unusual.’

‘If it gets too much, you can pull it put, just do it carefully and slowly.’

He watched Jack reach around, watched him touch the base where it was nestled between his cheeks. Then he saw his eyes wonder downwards. 

‘You want me to....’

John shook his head. ‘No. I want to be half hard all day too, just thinking about what I’m going to do to you this evening, thinking about getting you back on all fours, fucking you with that thing for a while until you’re begging me to get my cock inside you, to fuck you so hard....’ Jack shifted on his knees, spent cock already twitching at the pressure the plug was putting on his prostate. He turned cautiously to straddle John’s thighs and wrap his arms around his neck, kissing him. 

All that bare skin, John thought he might just come in his pants at the way it felt to hold Jack like this. 

‘I fucking love you.’

‘I love you too.’ He thought about changing his mind, just unzipping and jerking off with Jack in his lap. But it wouldn’t hurt to show a little restraint, once in a while. ‘Get dressed, or we’ll never get out of the apartment today.’

John let him go, reluctantly, but enjoyed watching him get dressed, watching him move slowly and very carefully. He changed his own shirt for a top that would hang down over his trousers, cover his groin and still look smart, because he knew he was going to be thinking about Jack all day, which wouldn’t make it different to any other day, but the thought of him walking around with the plug inside him was going to drive him crazy. 

‘I hope it goes all right this morning,’ 

For a moment he had no idea what he was referring to. ‘Oh, yeah, I’m sure it’ll be fine.’

‘Marcus is going with you, right?’

‘Marcus and five members of my personal security team. I have no idea what harm Michael thinks can possibly befall me on my own ship.’

‘You could find trouble in a vacuum.’ Leaning down, Jack kissed the top of his head. ‘I’ll see you later. I love you, John.’ 

*

Marcus met John at the exit doors to the landing pads where nine White Stars were docked. Three were kept fuelled and ready to fly at a moment’s notice. Two more were fuelled up today, one to take the president on a joyride, the other to provide backup just in case they ran into trouble. That had been Garibaldi’s stipulation. The random attacks on vessels had more or less stopped with the resolution of the Drakh problem, but as the president’s head of security he wanted to be on the safe side.

A White Star could outrun and out shoot most things in its class, but Michael wasn’t about to take any chances.

‘If nothing happens, everyone gets a nice day out,’ was how he’d put it. 

Marcus gave the customary Ranger bow as John approached. ‘Good morning, Mr President.’

‘Marcus… my name’s John.’

‘I can’t call you John.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it assumes familiarity.’

‘We’ve known each other for coming up on six years.’

‘You’re an authority figure. Your title was Captain, now it’s President.’

‘But my name is John. You call Susan, Susan. She’s Vice President Ivanova.’

That at least slowed him down. ‘Susan and I are… close.’

‘Please call me John?’

He bowed his head. ‘Good morning, John. Are we going anywhere in particular or just taking in the view?’

‘My therapist reckons it’ll do me good to get out into space for a couple of hours.’

If he was at all surprised to hear that, he didn’t show it. ‘In that case, your White Star awaits you.’

They effectively flew around the block, although the block was big enough for it to take three hours at cruising speed. John spent the first half an hour walking around the ship. They were large vessels, nothing like the war ships or cruisers, tiny in comparison, but nimble, graceful and fantastic in a fire fight.

When he stepped onto the flight deck, Marcus offered to show him how to fly her, and John spent the next two hours learning the basic controls. It was easier than learning to speak Minbari. By the time they were heading home, he was able to turn her on a dime, as the saying went. They’d had to assure the backup ship that everything was okay, but it was worth it.

They handed control back to the Minbari crew for the approach to Minbar and the landing, and John headed up to the observation deck, Marcus finding him there a few minutes later.

‘Has it helped?’ he asked, and it took a moment to work out what he was referring to.

‘I don’t know,’ John answered truthfully. 

‘I suppose it all depends on what we’re doing here,’ Marcus pointed out helpfully.

‘That’s something else I’m not sure about.’ He caught Marcus’ bemused expression and chuckled. ‘Sorry. That’s kinda what it’s like in my head sometimes.’

‘Susan told me about the celebrations on B5. Can I make an educated guess and say you’re not sure about attending?’

‘How do you guess something like that?’

‘When we were back on B5, life was about as stressful as I’ve ever known it. The shadow war, the uprising against Clarke, Byron’s telepaths, Mars independence…. And that was from my perspective. I can only guess how bad it was from where you were standing,’ he softened his tone, ‘and how painful. Since we got to Minbar, there’s been… one attempt on Jack’s life, one on yours?’ John nodded. ‘Strangely, that means the odds of you making it to retirement are better if you stay.’

John gazed out into space, Minbar coming into clear view. 

‘I wish I knew what I’m scared of.’

‘I’m assuming, the same things everyone is; pain, darkness, loneliness and death.’

‘I’m not frightened of dying.’

‘Everyone is, to some degree. Even as a ranger, taught to accept it as a part of life, it’s a scary prospect. Not to be here, with the ones we love, not to be here for them… that’s as human as you can get. Maybe if we knew what came after… but it’s the fear of the unknown that underlies all the horrors in the universe.’

‘I would say, in the case of B5, it’s more a fear of the known.’

‘Been there, done that?’

‘Exactly.’

‘Then why would you go back?’

*

John was home, waiting, takeaway laid out on the coffee table - just little bite size nibbles, from a tapas place he knew Stephen often used. Nothing that needed to be kept warm, because he suspected it would be a while before they got around to eating.

The door opened, closed, and kicking off his shoes, Jack came at him on the sofa, kneeling up next to him. 

‘I’m going crazy,’ he told him, voice rough. John put his hands on his shoulders, feeling the heat of his skin through his shirt. ‘I’ve not been able to concentrate, I’ve barely been able to sit down all day. I had to jerk off in the toilets at lunchtime just to make it through the afternoon.’

Kissing him, John watched as he started to undo the buttons of his own shirt, like he was going to overheat if he didn’t get it off. Reaching the last one, he let it hang open and unfastened his pants.

‘Do something, please, Johnny, do anything. I need it out of me, need you in me, it’s all I’ve been able to think about.’

Seeing him like that was incredible. John could feel himself hardening. ‘Stay here. I’ll be one minute, I promise. No touching.’

Jack growled, clawed his fingers into the back of the sofa but he nodded, staying put while John went into the bedroom, fetched a couple of things from the bedside drawer, and went back to the sofa. ‘Up.’ He pulled Jack to his feet, pushed the shirt from his shoulders, trousers and underwear down his legs. His cock looked like a single touch would set him off, so John avoided touching for the moment. He sat down in the middle of the cushions and directed Jack into his lap, getting his knees either side of his thighs, spreading him open with his legs.

‘Please, John….’

‘Ssh….’ Carefully, deftly, he snapped the cock ring around the base of Jack’s erection. Jack howled, called him a couple of choice names while his fingers tightened on his shoulders, then made a valiant attempt to calm himself down. Reaching back, John brushed two well lubricated fingers lightly over the base of the plug, feeling Jack shudder against him. Getting a hold of it, he eased the bulbous base out of his body, as slowly as he could, bringing it almost all the way out, using his fingers to apply lube around the abused muscle before pushing the plug back inside. Jack yelled, head back, hips thrusting forward, away from the object penetrating his aching ass. When he could speak again, he started to actually beg.

‘I can’t, please, John, it feels like I’m on fire. I need it to be you. Please just… fuck me.’

He sounded desperate, and John remembered his first full day of having a plug inside him, remembered how he’d practically forced himself on Michael that night, filled himself with his cock as soon as the plug was out.

He pulled again on the base of the black toy and this time brought it all the way out, dropping it to the floor, easing a single finger into the stretched opening. It slid in easily, Jack’s body more than ready for him. 

‘Kneel up on the sofa,’ he murmured, and Jack did exactly that, resting his flushed face on the back cushions. John crouched behind him, fascinated for a moment by the wide gape of the usually tight hole. Leaning forward, he licked his tongue over it and pressed inside, tasting lube but smelling only Jack who moaned loudly, pushing back onto his face. John understood how good it must have felt, how much of a relief his tongue was after the unrelenting bulk of the plug. He fucked in and out, reaching between Jack’s legs to stroke his weeping cock, touch the cool metal of the ring, feel the heavy weight of his tight balls. His cry was edging towards a sob, and John didn’t want him to suffer indefinitely. 

Getting to his feet, John stripped, squeezed lube onto his cock, bent his knees and pushed the blunt head into Jack’s willing body. With a sob of utter relief, Jack pushed back to meet him, taking him all the way in. John fucked him with long, alow thrusts, bottoming out each time, sliding against his over-stimulated prostate. Jack’s breathing was ragged, his body shaking apart, desperate pleas falling from his lips, and it was enough. John reached around, unlatched the ring and Jack came over his hand, over the cushions, with a scream of triumph and relief, body trembling. John came somewhere in the middle of Jack’s orgasm, deep in his body, pulse after pulse feeling like it was lasting forever. 

He shifted his knees onto the sofa and balancing there, pulled Jack up and back against him, wanting to stay inside him as long as his softening cock would allow. Jack’s hands grasped his arms as he told him he loved him, over and over, coming down from the high, coming back from the place the plug had taken him as the day had gone on. 

Finally, the tremors receded and his breathing returned to normal. John knew he was going to have to move, his knees weren’t going to take much more. He shifted carefully, dislodging himself, putting his feet on the floor and standing slowly. ‘Stay there if you can.’ 

He fetched a warm, wet cloth, wiped himself down and gently eased it between Jack’s cheeks, holding it there for a minute. 

‘You’ll be sore,’ he murmured, ‘and it’ll take a little while for the muscle to tighten again.’

Taking the cloth and washing it out, he returned to the sofa, dropped into the corner and pulled Jack to lie between his legs, back to his chest, grabbing the cashmere throw and draping it over them. 

‘That was… so intense,’ Jack murmured, dropping his head back to look up at him. 

‘I didn’t hurt you?’

‘No. You were perfect. That was exactly what I needed after today. I never thought it would drive me that crazy. I don’t know how you commanded an entire station with one in.’

‘Mine was smaller than the one you bought.’ He glanced at the black plug still on the floor. ‘I think that would have driven me insane after an hour, never mind eight.’

You could have said something this morning!’ There was a slight note of hysteria in his voice.

‘I honestly didn’t think you’d keep it in all day.’

‘I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about you, about having you take it out and replace it with literally any part of you. I just wanted you in me and I didn’t care how.’

Combing his fingers through Jack’s hair, easing his head back against his chest, John kept up the soothing touch. ‘Why did you do it?’

‘I wanted to know how it would feel.’ 

‘Did you like it?’

‘I liked it this morning, you putting it inside me. And tonight was… mind blowing. Today, though… I don’t know.’

‘So… we spend the evening here on the sofa, eating, watching a movie while I play with a plug in your ass? And at the end of the night, when you’re painfully hard, stretched open and begging me, I’ll slide my cock into you, fill you, fuck you slowly…’ 

Jack groaned. ‘You have to stop. I can’t take any more tonight and every word you’re saying is making me hot. But, yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. You pick the movie, I’ll bring the plug.’ For the first time he seemed to become aware of the food on the table. ‘Did you get tapas? You’re my hero.’ Cautiously, he sat up, reaching for a plate at random, whatever he could reach. ‘Have I told you recently how much I love you?’

Plates cleared, Jack settled back in John’s arms, careful not to put his weight on his ass. He’d never been one to think things all the way through and John had been right about maybe needing a smaller plug if he was going to try things like this. For some reason, that suddenly reminded him, ‘Hey, how was the flight?’

It seemed to pull John from his thoughts. ‘It was good. We’re going to do more of them, Marcus is going to teach me how to fly a White Star.’

‘That’s fantastic.’ It actually sounded like a great idea. ‘Don’t you have to be able to read Minbari to fly one of those things?’

‘I managed to flip and turn in flight this morning. I can’t read the controls but I can learn the manoeuvres. I’m not saying I’ll ever be good enough to fly one in a battle scenario, but it would be good to take control.’

‘I’m assuming you weren’t planning on flying one in a battle scenario…?’

‘No, don’t worry. It never crossed my mind.’ 

‘That is a relief. One of us needs to act as the adult in this relationship.’ He glanced up when John didn’t respond, and caught him staring at the floor. Following his gaze, he saw the black plug still lying where John had dropped it after he’d finally, blessedly taken it out. ‘Do you… want to try it?’

‘Not that one. Maybe something, but I’m not sure what.’

Jack had a few ideas, things he’d seen in the online store where he’d ordered the plug from. ‘Leave it with me?’ John nodded, trusting him. 

*

It had been a while, but he still knew what it meant to be woken by John scrambling out of bed. There were two possibilities, and when he didn’t ran for the bathroom, that left only one.

‘Ops: Lights, lowest setting.’

The lights came up slightly, just enough that he could see John over in the corner next to the window, back pressed against the wall. 

‘Ops: Bedroom blinds, open.’

The blinds lifted silently into the ceiling, allowing the flood of blue hued moonlight into the room. Jack climbed out of bed, shrugged his robe on and picking up John’s, he walked slowly over, watching as John tried to push himself through the wall, still trying to escape the invisible enemy. 

‘John. It’s me, you’re okay, you’re safe, it’s just a nightmare.’ He seemed to be staring at something over Jack’s shoulder, but when he checked there was nothing, no one else in the room. His best guess was that in his mind, John was still back in a cell on Mars. He crouched down. ‘John, we’re on Minbar, this is our home, at the ISA, you’re perfectly safe.’ John shook his head, a jerky movement of denial. ‘What are you seeing?’

‘Shadows.’ One word spoken on a shallow breath.

He had to think about that one, and as he did he continued forward, ignoring John’s fear for the moment but keeping his hands up, trying to look as unthreatening as possible. When he got close enough, he leaned over to put the robe around John’s shoulders and he cried out in terror, face contorting, not fighting but trying to protect himself. Jack suddenly realised what it meant.

‘Ops: Lights, fifty percent.’ The lights in the room came up, bulbs sunk into the floor around the walls, and into the ceiling above the bed. ‘The Shadows are all gone,’ he reassured, sitting down on the hard floor. ‘You’re safe. You’re on Minbar. There are no Shadows now.’

John looked around, into every corner of the room, before looking straight at him. Jack saw his vision clearing, reality finally overcoming the remnants of the night terror. His eyes filled with tears and Jack moved to wrap his arms around him.

‘It’s okay. You’re okay.’ As it subsided, he helped John get his arms into his robe before settling next to him, keeping him close. ‘That was a bad one, Johnny. It’s been a while.’

John’s head came to rest against his shoulder. ‘I was back on Z’Ha’Dum.’ Jack caught his breath - it was the first time John had even mentioned the place, except to ask if anyone had told him about it, about him dying there. Jack still had no idea what had actually happened. ‘There was a room… I could feel the Shadows all around me.’ Jack didn’t know if John was describing his dream, or what had actually taken place. ‘One of them brushed against me, and its skin was like black ice and razor blades. Another slashed me across my back. I killed them, but I was bleeding. I cracked my head on something in the tunnels but I made it out to the overlook and sent the signal to the White Star to activate the nukes, crash it into the city….’ Jack realised nothing that Stephen had told him had been a metaphor. ‘There was a crater under where I was standing. I had two choices; to stay and die in the explosion, or to jump and die on impact. I was going to stay put, I thought… it would be a quicker death. But there was a voice in my head - Kosh - telling to jump, so I jumped.’ There was a note of hysteria in his voice. ‘And I died.

‘When I got back to B5, Stephen told me I’d broken every bone in my body, that my organs had been compressed, causing massive internal bleeding. I’d shattered my spine, pelvis, skull…. I wasn’t aware of any of it. But I was aware while I was there. I don’t know what happened. I remember feeling the icy cold, managing to build and light a fire, Lorien finding me. I think all that was in my head, something imagined before the moment of death. When I did come to, my body felt like it was on fire. That’s how I knew I was awake for real. That’s how I knew what was real after Mars, because it hurt.’ Jack closed his eyes, tightened his arms, unable to find the words. He felt fingers on his cheek, in his beard and met John’s searching gaze. ‘You’re the exception.’ 

He caught John’s hand and kissed the fingers, including the prosthetic pinkie. ‘What did you see in your nightmare?’

‘The room where they held me. I don’t think I realised I was being held, not for a while. There was tea, in china cups. Tonight I was back there, and I could feel the Shadows, all around me, more than there were when it happened. I could feel them getting closer, brushing against me, razor sharp icy skin cutting through my clothes, through me. I was bleeding, and they kept coming, and it was so many little cuts I was being sliced wide open inch by inch….’

Jack felt a wave of protectiveness so strong he had to breathe through it. ‘Why this? Why now?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t think… it’s the idea of going back to B5? Isn’t that why you saw Dr Osaka again? Why you took the White Star flight?’

‘It’s such a… stupid thing.’

‘It’s not. How many times were you put in danger while you were there? You’ve finally found somewhere you’re happy, settled, relatively safe. And they’re asking you to go back to a place associated with so much pain and trauma.’

‘There were good times.’

‘Yes, I know. Stephen told me about some of them.’

John put his hand under Jack’s robe, palm flat on his chest. ‘I thought I’d miss it.’

‘Why? Everything there is to miss about it, everything you loved, it’s all here. Everyone is here. You don’t need to go back.’

‘They want me to go.’

‘I don’t give a flying fuck what they want, John. It’s what you want that matters. And if you don’t want to go, I have an idea.’

‘Tell me.’

‘We never had a honeymoon. We should have one. There’s an area, apparently, about a thousand miles west of here, the Alura-Prism, which is supposed to be the most beautiful place in the galaxy; lakes, mountains, trees, lots of nature, incredible sunrises, as well as luxurious accommodation and some of the best chefs on Minbar. I thought we could go, while the others celebrate in a tin can, we could take a break from it all.’

John looked up at him, and the grateful expression on his face, the look in his eyes, he knew he’d said the right thing. ‘Are you sure? You’d rather do that?’

‘Would I rather spend a few days exploring with you, trying new foods, seeing new places, making love to you for hours on silk sheets, or cooped up in a spaceship with weird ass beds to go to a party where someone will invariably try to blow me up? It’s a no brainer.’

‘Thank you.’

‘It is entirely selfish. I have… really filthy plans.’

*

Jack looked around the room, noting the empty space, the calming colours, the view out into the gardens. He’d been curious, which was partly why he’d agreed to this. John had seen Dr Osaka weekly for nine months or so back on B5. He clearly respected her and without a doubt she’d helped him. But Jack was totally at a loss as to why she wanted to see him.

‘Mr Maynard, thank you for coming.’ She shook his hand.

‘It’s Jack, and I’m not exactly sure why I’m here.’

‘I’ll be honest, Jack, I expected to see you while we were on the station, while I was seeing John regularly. He talked about you, and I expected you to ask to see me, but you never did. So, I thought, while I’m here on Minbar, I would request to see you.’

‘About what?’

She took a seat, but didn’t ask him to. ‘As I understand it, you’ve been John’s support since his rescue from imprisonment on Mars.’

He leaned back against the window. ‘I’m not sure I’d call it that.’

‘His imprisonment?’ He noted a flash of something in her voice, somewhere between anger and defence.

‘No. I’m not sure I’d call myself his support.’

‘Ah,’ she sat back. ‘Didn’t John rely on you as a safety net at the start?’

‘Yes. Because he could trust me implicitly. And I was happy to be there for him. But he had support from all around him. Doctor Franklin, Susan, G’Kar, even Michael Garibaldi.’

He didn’t miss the quirk of her lips. ‘I’d like to come back to him, later, if I may.’ That didn’t surprise him. ‘Yes, you’re right, John has a support structure around him which has undoubtably saved his life. You can’t deny you’re at the centre of it.’

‘I’m his husband.’

‘You weren’t always. You were his friend. A fellow soldier.’

‘I fell in love with him.’

‘While he was, and these are his words, a ‘hot mess’?’

Jack laughed with a shake of his head. ‘He was never that. He’d been hurt, I helped him get better.’

‘You’re still helping him.’

‘Those are the vows we took: in sickness and in health.’ She wasn’t going to be that easily satisfied. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re trying to get at.’

‘Who supports you?’

‘Ah.’ Now he got it. ‘I was a starship captain for ten years. I’ve been in command of patrols, platoons, crews, entire ships for a lot longer. I’m used to shouldering the concerns of the people serving under me, dealing with squabbles, fights, disputes, everything from petty arguments to full scale wars. Supporting John… is easy in comparison. I talk to Stephen - Doctor Franklin - when there are things I think I should share. That’s all the support I need because I’m not the one who was arrested by his own government, beaten half to death, assaulted, starved and tortured.’

‘But you’ve lived through it, vicariously, listening to everything John’s been through, watching him recover from it all.’

‘I didn’t live through it. He did. I got there after the fact and held his hand.’

‘You’ve done much more than that.’ 

Jack sighed softly. ‘Why did you ask to see me?’

‘You’re very defensive. I expected John to be the same when he first came to me, but he wasn’t. Usually it takes military types three or four sessions before they stop pacing, stop the bluster, sit down and talk to me. John took a seat on his first visit and started to talk.’

‘He needed to talk. He’d been through hell, for years. Before my ship was destroyed, I was out on the rim, exploring, building jump gates, for almost a decade.’

‘Before your ship was destroyed?’

He could have kicked himself. ‘I’m over it.’

‘You’re over it?’ She was smiling. ‘Your home of ten years, your crew, your friends, was destroyed and you’re over it. Just like that?’

‘No, not just like that. Most of us got out. We were picked up almost immediately by a friendly EarthForce ship. Tens of thousands of people died during the conflict.’

‘Do you blame John?’

He stared at her. ‘What?’

‘For starting the fight.’

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘He didn’t start it! President Clarke started it, generals higher up the food chain than us worked in the background for two years - to gather evidence, proof Clarke had Santiago murdered, used the psi-corp to propagate his own agenda. John was a pawn, a scapegoat, but once involved he had to see it through to the end. He saved millions of lives; if not for those of us who were in ships, over Earth when Clarke turned the defence grid inwards, the loss of life would have been more than any of us could comprehend. Losing the Cortez was heartbreaking. Pat - my second-in-command - and I sat in the mess hall on the Agamemnon that night and got absolutely blind drunk. I’m not too proud to admit there were tears. But ships are lost, people are lost, in battle. Despite it being my home for a decade, there was nothing onboard that I cared except for my crew and like I said, most of us got off and were rescued.’ He gave a brief thought to his dildo and smiled to himself. ‘Maybe you think I’m harbouring some… deep seated resentment towards… someone, I don’t know. But I’m not.’

‘What about the people who tortured John?’

‘They’re dead. No point in feeling anything towards the dead.’

‘But hearing him talk about everything they did to him, had to have made you angry.’

‘Of course it did. It does. Angry doesn’t really come close. Enraged. Nauseous.’ He shrugged. ‘But… there’s no point in hanging on to any of it. My feelings, my rage, is pointless. It s not what John needs me to be. So I let it go, and I focus on being there for him.’

She was looking at him, assessing, and he would have bet she didn’t look at John that way. ‘Either you are bottling everything up, or you’re the most well-adjusted person I’ve ever met.’

Jack grinned. ‘Look, I’m living on a beautiful planet, doing a job that’s exciting, challenging and worthwhile, sharing my life and my bed with a man I love more than I can put into words; a gorgeous, sexy guy who worships me. Tell me, doc, what’s not to be grateful for? What’s not to be content with? Why should I be anything but happy?’

*

John came to his office later. It wasn’t something he did very often, so when he saw him he was worried something was wrong. But there was a smile on his face.

‘Dr Osaka thinks you’re clinically insane,’ he said, sitting up on a corner of Jack’s desk. 

‘Does she?’ Jack sat back in his chair with a smile, toeing off one shoe and running his foot up the back of John’s leg. He found it nigh on impossible to be close to the man and not to be touching. ‘I thought I answered all her questions calmly and truthfully.’

‘That’s why she thinks you’re insane. She said it was either that, or you’re the model of mental health and she wants to put you on a poster.’

He laughed at that, he couldn’t help it. ‘I don’t know what she was expecting me to say. Actually, that’s not true. I know exactly what she was expecting me to say. Of course I was angry at what happened to you, I worked through it in my own way and no one got hurt. Jupiter might have one less moon….’ John kicked him gently. ‘I know that talking to her helps you, and I did thank her for that, for being there for you. For me it’s different. I got to talk to Stephen after we got back from Earth, while you were in MedLab. I still do talk to Stephen and it’s a great help that you’re happy with me doing that. I can say things without having to explain because he already knows by virtue of being your doctor. That’s all I need. I’ll admit I punched a hole in the wall in MedLab, once, but Michael did too, so we’re equal, one hole each.’ He smiled at John’s expression. ‘You have such a filthy mind.’ He shuffled his chair closer to the desk, closer to John’s legs. ‘It’s one of things I love about you.’

John leaned down and kissed him, something he definitely wasn’t expecting, although his office was private and John’s personal security had stayed outside. When he sat up, Jack leaned his forearms on his knee and looked pointedly at his groin.

‘You know, I could suck you off, right here. Open your pants, pull out your cock, shove it in my face. Deep throat you. I could give you something to bite down on so you didn’t scream and bring your whole security detail running. I’d be tasting your come all afternoon.’ John shifted, closed his eyes for a moment, and Jack thought he might actually be thinking about it. But he slid from the desk and stood up, adjusting his trousers.

‘You’re such a bastard.’

‘I wasn’t teasing.’

‘And I’d let you, if I didn’t have an Alliance Advisory Council meeting in five minutes.’ Jack looked speculative. He could meet that timeframe. ‘On the other side of the campus.’ Possibly not then.

‘Sorry.’

‘Rain check?’

‘If by rain check you mean, will I get down on my knees and suck your cock the moment you get home, then yes. Absolutely. I will be thinking about it for the next few hours.’

John dropped another chaste kiss to his lips. ‘I’m always thinking about you on your knees sucking me off.’

Jack groaned. ‘You do not play fair!’

With a smirk, John waved as he left his office.

*

His afternoon didn’t go completely to plan. He was called into an emergency meeting just as he was thinking of leaving, and just when he got there he got a message from John which read, ‘On the sofa, waiting for O.’

The meeting felt like it ran on for an eternity, although in reality it was done in just over an hour. He walked back to the apartment, hoping John had waited, half hard imagining him taking matters into his own hands.

John was on the sofa, and looked up from whatever he was reading when Jack got back. ‘Sorry.’

‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah, it is now, I think. I’ve done everything I can for the time being.’ 

He kicked off his shoes, crossed the room and dropped a kiss to John’s hair as he walked behind the sofa and around to perch on the low table next to John’s bare feet.

‘I’ve been thinking about you all afternoon.’

John smiled. ‘Good.’

‘I was wondering if I’d get back to find you jerking your beautiful cock.’

‘I was waiting for you. I don’t just want to come, I want to come in your mouth, down your throat.’

Jack moaned, sliding down from the table on to his knees, John moving one leg so he could sit between them. He reached for the fastening of John’s pants. ‘Now, just so we’re clear, please feel free to get your fingers in my hair and fuck my mouth as hard, fast and deep as you want. I want you to lose yourself, do what you want to do, not what you think you should do. I want to hear and smell and taste your arousal.’ He had John’s pants open, erection springing loose as he brought it out from its confines. John shuffled down slightly on the cushion, giving him better access. 

Jack licked the pre-cum already coating the tip, easing his foreskin down to reveal the thick, pink head. ‘Hands,’ he instructed, and John did as he was told, sliding his fingers into Jack’s hair but not yet applying any pressure. 

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘You won’t hurt me. Don’t worry.’ He opened his mouth and stretched his lips over the smooth, wet head, bumping over the ridge and sliding down slowly, tongue swirling around the thick shaft. He kept going, taking it all the way to the back of his throat, seating it there comfortably, nose in John’s wiry pubic hair, feeling the soft skin of his scrotum against this chin. He breathed in deep, smelling John’s sweat, a faint whiff of shower gel and hours’ old arousal. He hummed, and John shivered, fingers twitching. Jack licked around him, but waited to do anything more until John got the message. He thrust his hips upwards, and Jack lifted his head, sliding up, elated with John’s hands tightened on his head. He thrust up again, and Jack moved in counterpoint, letting John take control, letting him fuck up into his mouth.

The sounds John made were always a turn on, but these animalistic grunts were different, perfect; sex in audio form. Gripping John’s hips, he relaxed his neck and throat muscles and let himself be used, not even close to what he’d experienced in the past but he’d known John wouldn’t do what others had done, wouldn’t take full advantage, wouldn’t block his airway, drive him to the edge of blackout, hold out so long that his jaw cramped. Even now, one of John’s hands had strayed to the back of his head and was stroking his neck in a gentle massage. He felt a swell of love for this man which exploded as he lifted his head and John immediately took the pressure out of his hand, stroking his hair as he licked the length of him, sucking him with his lips sealed just over the crown of his cock, tasting him, salty on his tongue.

He glanced up and watched John’s head fall back, mouth open on a long moan of pleasure. He teased the slit open just a little, lapping up drop of pre-cum before sliding all the way back down, hollowing his cheeks and sucking. John thrust his hips forward and came, hands leaving Jack completely, settling on the sofa moments before his mouth with filled with semen. He swallowed and licked at John greedily, riding out the aftershocks, keeping him in his mouth while he softened on his tongue, dipping into the loose opening of his foreskin to get the last drops. One of John’s hands clutched at his shoulder and he lifted his head, dropping a kiss to John’s stomach.

Getting up off his knees, he dropped onto the sofa, rolling his head to the side to gaze at his husband. ‘You look utterly debauched.’

‘And whose fault is that? Can I….?’

‘Later. On balance, I think I need food more than an orgasm right now, although it’s a close run thing.’ He closed the gap between them and touched his lips to John’s, lingering there. ‘I want to order those slippery things that come with the little savoury doughnuts.’

‘We’re going to put on so much weight living here.’

‘No, we’re not. Do you know how many calories sex uses up? And we have a lot of it.’

John tucked himself away and reached for the pad. ‘How many calories are there in semen?’

‘You know, I have absolutely no idea. Ask Stephen next time you see him. Better still, ask him if it’s on one of his food plans.’

‘Okay.’ 

Jack really hoped he wasn’t serious.

*

AUGUST 2263

One White Star looked a lot like another. They were taking off and landing all the time; ranger missions, diplomatic visits, security patrols. Jack tended not to notice them day to day, despite his office looking out onto the expanse of launch pads. That was, unless John was off-world. He was never gone long, but while he wasn’t on Minbar, Jack found himself watching the graceful ships, waiting for the presidential White Star Two to return. Not that he ever really knew which one was White Star Two until disembarkation, when there tended to be more security than crew, and even though all he could really make out were figures in the distance, he’d learnt to recognise John’s usual entourage. It always made him smile to watch.

On this occasion, he’d been gone overnight, a short trip to Centauri Prime, and Jack knew the ship had been due back mid-afternoon, which meant it was late. That in itself didn’t mean much, they didn’t fly to strict schedules, but it did mean he was already on edge when he noticed a medical transport crossing the landing area to meet a White Star that was coming in. Dropping his pad, going to the window, he watched the activity, medical team going aboard, bringing someone out on a gurney. He tried not to think about it, because there was nothing he could do and if anything had happened, someone would have been in contact….

He glanced down at the back of his hand. Someone would have been in contact had he been wearing his comms link, which was presumably still back at the apartment, on the bedside cabinet where he’d left it. Still, there were other ways of finding him. 

He looked up as the door to his office opened and saw Susan standing there. His pulse sky rocketed, stomach dropped and he knew, he just knew….

‘There’s been an accident.’

Michael was waiting for them outside the infirmary. Jack was trying to stay calm but losing the battle.

‘What happened?’

‘There was a malfunction in one of the ship’s systems that resulted in a small explosion. A couple of Minbari were injured. John went to help just as a secondary explosion cut through cables and pipes. He got a face full of poisonous fumes, lungs full of coolant. The crew onboard acted quickly and they undoubtably saved his life, but there has been damage to his right lung. Stephen’s taken him into the OR. He’s going to perform a lobectomy.’

It took a moment for Jack’s brain to catch up. ‘A what?’

‘He’s going to remove the damaged part of his lung. I don’t know exactly what the Minbari medical team did up there but they managed to somehow clean out most of the poison and get him on a respirator.’

He wasn’t completely certain what any of that meant. ‘Is he going to be okay?’

‘Stephen certainly thought so. Unless they find anything expected, he should be fine.’

‘How long….?’

‘A couple of hours.’

He put his hand out against the wall, steadying himself. Immediately Michael and Susan were leading him over to a couch, sitting him down, staying with him while he put his head in his hands and breathed through the initial wave of panic and fear.

When he could order his thoughts, he looked up through eyes blurred with tears. ‘You’re sure it was an accident?’

‘There’s a team checking the systems for any sign of sabotage , but White Star Two is under twenty four hour guard. It looks like a simple malfunction. It wasn’t anything that crippled the ship in anyway, if John hadn’t tried to help, he wouldn’t have been hurt.’

It was a long wait. The ISA infirmary was so much quieter than MedLab had been back on B5. The team checking out the ship reported their initial findings as having something to do with stress fractures in one of the holdings. White Star Two had seen fighting in several skirmishes with Drakh ships and could have sustained damage which wasn’t spotted by its maintenance crews. All White Stars were being recalled to Minbar for checks.

Jack drank as much coffee as he could stomach until finally there was activity beyond the doors to the area in which they were waiting and Stephen came to see them.

‘He’s going to be fine,’ was the first thing he said, and Jack took a deep breath. ‘I had to remove a small section of his right lung, but the fast reactions of the crew onboard prevented any further permanent damage. We’re moving him to Intensive Care while he’s still on the respirator, but I want to let him wake naturally and then remove the breathing tube.’ He took the seat next to Jack, that Michael vacated.

‘Can I be there…?’

‘I want you to be, because waking with a respirator down your throat is close to the top of the list of terrifying medical experiences as he’s likely to get, and I’ll need you to keep him calm while we remove it. Just to warn you, there are other tubes too. During the procedure I had to spread his ribs to get access to his lung. We put in a epidural catheter, as well as a drainage tube and the standard catheter. I’ll try to take the tubes out as soon as he’s able to move. When he comes round, he’ll be on the equivalent of a morphine drip. I had to make small incisions in his chest, his right side and his back, he has around thirty stitches and he’s going to be in pain for a while. But he will make a full recovery and given he’s in physically good shape it should be a fast one.’ Jack felt Stephen’s hand on his shoulder and leaned sideways into the offered hug. ‘He’s going to be fine, I promise.’

He nodded. ‘Thanks.’

‘Hey, this is why I’m here.’ 

Waiting at John’s bedside for him to wake was just as tense as the wait for him to come out of theatre had been, because Jack imagined the moment he did would be a horrible one for him. But as it turned out, as soon as the monitors picked up on him coming back to full consciousness, Stephen was ready, and had the breathing tube out of his throat before he was really aware of anything. A nasal cannula was providing supplementary oxygen, painless and non-invasive, the cannula IV in his arm delivering pain meds, saline and antibiotics.

Jack sat close to the bed, holding John’s hand the way he had so many times in the past, other arm resting on John’s pillow, fingers stroking his hair as he came round slowly. As soon as John managed to focus on him, he saw the recognition and realisation in his pained expression.

‘What happened?’ His voice was rough from having a tube down his throat for the last few hours, and it was obvious that it hurt to talk.

‘There was a malfunction on the White Star. You were hurt, but Stephen’s put you back together again for me. You’re going to be sore for a while so he wants you to stay here for a few days.’ He ached for John, felt a little like crying when he saw the tears in his husband’s eyes. He kissed John’s forehead, holding his hand tight against his chest, keeping up the rhythmic stroking of his hair, hoping it might lull him back to sleep. ‘It’s okay, Swampy.’ 

‘Sorry…’

‘Hey. You have nothing to be sorry for. It was an accident.’ 

‘Shouldn’t have gone….’

‘You weren’t to know…’ Jack glanced up at Stephen, hoping there was something he could do, and watched as he reluctantly changed one of the settings on the IV control. Almost instantly, John relaxed, his eyes closed and he lost the battle to stay awake.

‘Thanks.’

‘This Minbari pain inhibiting drug is safer than morphine, but we’re still monitoring its effects on humans,’

‘The one they gave me?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Strong stuff.’

‘Yes. We need less of it and it doesn’t have the same addictive qualities. Still, John’s physiology is slightly different. I’m wary about any counter effects.’ He must have caught the expression on Jack’s face, because he added, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll look after him.’

*

Over the next hour or so, John slept while various faces dropped into the infirmary to check on him. Stephen wasn’t allowing anyone else into the IC room, so for the most part, Jack just waved at people through the glass, at least those he recognised. When Michael turned up, he went out to speak to him. 

‘How’s he doing?’

‘He came round for a short time after the anaesthetic wore off, long enough for Stephen to take him off the respirator.’

He looked peaceful enough now, vitals strong and steady as far as Jack could work out; he was fast becoming fluent in medical monitor readings.

‘I should have stopped him,’ Michael said quietly. ‘I tried to stop him but he can’t just sit by and watch others tackle an emergency. He’s always wanted to be so hands on…’

‘There’s no way to protect him from himself. And if we did… it wouldn’t be living, he wouldn’t be happy on the sidelines.’

‘Still… it would be nice if he possessed even a modicum of self-preservation.’

‘Men can dream….’

Michael glanced away from John for a moment. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Oh, I think I had yet another heart attack when I saw the med team heading for the White Star. They pass, but he may well kill me before he kills himself.’

‘You and me both. Look… I owe you an apology, and I should have said this a while back. I shouldn’t have told John about you and that guy on B5, the one from Images.’ 

He hadn’t been expecting to ever get an apology, it wasn’t something he’d thought about again after that night, but it was nice to hear it.

‘Why did you tell him?’

‘Because I’m an asshole. Because I remember what it was like to be with him and sometimes I still get envious of you.’

There was nothing he could, or rather was willing, to do about that. ‘Don’t worry about it. Strangely, the same topic came up between Stephen and I that night too, and I told him, so I would have told John eventually. He’d just never asked. There are no secrets between he and I, we’re honest with each other. We figure that way no one can use anything to blackmail either of us.’

‘Seems like a sensible strategy.’ They lapsed into silence. ‘Tell him I was here?’

‘Of course. I’ll get someone to let you know when he comes round, when he can have visitors.’

‘Thanks.’

Jack watched him leave. The tension between them had eased over time, but it was still there and he assumed it always would be. On the odd occasion he still thought about the idea he’d had back on B5, about the three of them, wondered what the relationship between them would be like now if that’s how it had started out. He had idle fantasies about someone else joining them now and again. But that’s all they were - fantasises in the heat of the moment. Just another body, another cock, another hole. If any other man actually touched John, with or without permission, he was fairly sure his reaction would be swift and violent. 

Inside the room, one of the monitors sounded a single, quick chirp, a warning of a warning almost, and Jack cleared his head before going back inside. John’s hand was flexing on the bed, as if it was searching for him, and he lifted it, held it. The monitor stayed silent and Jack sat down to wait for John to wake again.

*

He started at the touch to his shoulder, glanced up and gratefully took the mug from Stephen’s hand. ‘It’s that mocha drink, no caffeine.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Not really.’ He wasn’t. He was exhausted, and all the coffee he’d drunk through the long day was playing havoc with his insides. 

Stephen squeezed his shoulder gently. ‘You know, in the first twelve months he was on B5, he wound up in MedLab… eight times. He… broke his wrist breaking up a bar fight, was knocked unconscious in an assassination attempt on one of the Ambassadors, twisted his ankle chasing a petty criminal through the Zocalo, used as a host by a symbiotic alien species, got himself abducted and tortured by pirates, sustained PPG shot injuries in two firefights, and… - don’t ever tell him I told you this - I had to treat lacerations sustained after he put his link between his butt cheeks and sat down with it up there.’

Jack didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘What?! Why…?’

‘He offered himself up as hostage to a madman who’d been bombing the station. He claims it was Michael’s idea to put his link… where he did. Michael denies it.’

Shaking his head, Jack gazed at his sleeping husband, stroking his thumb over the back of his hand. 

‘I don’t actually know why I’m surprised.’

‘My point is, we’ve been here almost eight months, and this is the first time he’s spent time in the infirmary as a patient. Given that, it’s either safer here than it was on B5, or he’s stopped going looking for trouble because he’s found something else to keep him occupied. You’re the best thing that could have happened to him, I hope you realise that.’

‘He is, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I still find it amazing sometimes that he’s with me, that I got that lucky. All this presidential stuff… he’s just John Sheridan, Swamp Rat, to me and that’s so much more important.’

‘Yes, it is. I think… he tends to forget that sometimes. But it is. You maybe need to remind him now and again.’

‘I try.’

‘I know, and I know he’s not easy to keep down.’

‘I don’t want to keep him down. I’d settle for keeping him alive.’ He drank the mocha.

‘You do need to get some sleep eventually.’

‘I’m not leaving, not yet.’

‘That’s why there’s a second cot in most of these rooms. We don’t double up on IC patients and we’re used to stubborn loved ones refusing to leave. Don’t worry, he won’t wake up alone.’

It was hours later when John did wake. Jack was asleep, flat on his back on the second bed, snoring softly. Stephen had been pre-warned by the system monitoring the patient’s vitals and was at John’s side when he opened his eyes. They looked clearer than they had the first time he’d regained consciousness, and while he was ready for any sickness the anaesthetic might have caused, it didn’t look as if he was going to throw up.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey. Where’s….’ Stephen watched John track the sound of his husband snoring to the bed in the corner, saw him smile. ‘He’s okay?’

‘He’s fine. It’s two am, he needed sleep. How do you feel?’

‘Like… everything would be hurting if it wasn’t for the drugs.’

‘Yeah, it would. But I’ll make sure you’re not in any pain.’ He watched John take a couple of breaths, caught the expression on his face. ‘Just breathe normally. We’re giving you oxygen, you’re absolutely fine, but it might feel like you’re not getting enough air.’ The oxygen levels in his blood stream were normal according to the monitor, and Stephen double-checked, just in case. John relaxed a fraction. ‘Do you remember what happened? The malfunction on the White Star?’ He hesitated, but said he did. ‘You breathed in the coolant. It damaged a small area of your right lung, and it was safer to remove it. You’ll make a full recovery, but the incisions we had to make, and the internal surgery, means it’ll take time, so you’ll need to be patient with yourself and take it easy for a while. There’s an epidural in your back which I’ll take out in the morning, and a drainage tube which I’ll take out later in the day if everything looks to be healing normally. The catheter stays until it’s safe for you to move about, which should be around forty eight hours after surgery.’

John took some time to absorb that. ‘Feels like old times.’

Stephen smiled. ‘It’s no where near as bad as a lot of what you’ve been through. I’ve got you on a course of antibiotics. In the morning we’ll get you drinking and eating if you feel hungry. Think you can sleep for another few hours?’

‘I think I could sleep for a week.’

‘Good. The more rest you get, the faster you’ll recover. But you know how this works. And you need to let me know if you start having bad dreams. All this might bring on a few flashbacks.’

John nodded once, closed his eyes, and Stephen stayed at his side until he was sure he was sleeping. 

*

The next morning bought confirmation from the engineering team that the malfunction had been just that, there was no sign of sabotage, and the entire fleet would be checked for any similar weaknesses. 

John was sitting up eating breakfast when Susan dropped in to check on his progress. Stephen had removed the epidural and dialled back the pain meds slightly, meaning he was comfortable but if he moved wrongly he felt it. Still, he looked so much better than Susan had expected him to after the emergency surgery the previous day, and she was relieved to see a smile on his face as Jack stole a piece of toast from his plate. 

‘How are you feeling?’ She perched on the very edge of the bed, furthest away from him and being mindful she didn’t jolt him. 

‘Like something heavy trampled over me,’ he told her truthfully. 

‘That’ll teach you to play hero.’

‘I was trying to help.’

‘Well, I’m glad those White Star engineering classes came in useful.’ He gazed at her, obviously lost. ‘Exactly. Would you even know what to do about a coolant leak?’ Jack laughed, and John just glowered at them both. “Delenn says you have the highest damage rate of any White Star commander. You’ve broken fourteen of her ships, and you’ve blown up two of them.’

‘One.’

Susan shrugged. ‘She said two. And I believe her. Michael’s threatened to chain you to your desk and keep you there.’ She saw the shadow pass across his face and backtracked. ‘Not literally, of course. But I think he’s concerned about the trip to B5 next month.’ She caught the glance between them. ‘You are… going to B5?’

’No. I was going to tell you then this trip to Centauri Prime got in the way…. I can’t, Susan. Just the idea of it was giving me nightmares.’ She saw him reach for Jack’s hand. ‘We’re going on honeymoon while the rest of you are away.’

It was a surprise to her, but when she thought about it, maybe it shouldn’t have been. ‘Okay, actually that sounds like a wonderful idea. I just… I thought you’d want to go back.’

‘There are some very happy memories there, and there are a lot of bad ones. I’m sorry. I should have told you immediately.’

‘It’s fine, honestly. It won’t be the same without you, but I do understand. You should tell Michael, although he’ll probably be relieved given the headache your security is giving him. Not that it’ll give him an even bigger headache, sorting out security for wherever it is you’re going….’

John was shaking his head. ‘No. It’ll just be me and Jack. No security, no one else. We need space, just to be together, to breathe….’ He winced, and shifted in the bed. Jack moved the breakfast tray and helped him, poised to call Stephen if he couldn’t get comfortable, but he seemed to settle again quickly. 

‘Current situation not withstanding,’ Jack assured her, ‘we can look after ourselves.’

‘His track record isn’t great,’ she pointed out, ‘and yours isn’t much better.’

‘We’ve made it this far, through various wars, battles, fight fights, bar fights, alien abductions, assassination attempts… shall I go on?’

John was gazing at him curiously. ‘What do you mean, alien abductions?’

‘Last night, Stephen told me about your adventures in your first year about B5.’ He still looked confused.

‘The Streib,’ Susan reminded him. ‘When you met Ta’Lon.’

‘Oh, right.’

‘I blame you for that,’ she pointed at Jack.

‘I wasn’t even there!’

‘After your flying visit, he was restless. He took a Starfury out to investigate some weird goings on in one of the nearby sectors, got fired on and picked up after he had to eject.’

‘You can’t blame me! He was always like this.’ He turned to John. ‘Tell her about the incident on Mars when you tried to go for a walk without the rebreather. Or Io, when you tried to break up that domestic in the market place and got a broken bottle in your neck for your trouble. I mean, you have to wonder when you’ve managed to get yourself into so many dangerous situations that alien abduction doesn’t even register.’

John smirked. ‘I remember afterwards,’ he muttered wryly, ‘trying to sit down with regen packs up my ass.’

Jack’s eyebrows tried to climb off his face. ‘Sorry?’ Even Susan hadn’t been aware of that.

‘They… probed me, while I was being held prisoner. Stephen had to put in a couple of stitches and two regen packs.’

‘I did not know that,’ Susan told him, unsure what else to say.

‘It wasn’t really something that came up in conversation in the mess hall,’ John pointed out, and Susan wondered why he’d told her now, and if he’d meant to. ‘Not the last time he had to either. Remember the bomber? Michael suggesting I stick my link up my ass, which was fine until the guy made me sit down.’

Susan held up one hand to stop him. ‘Out of interest… you’re not on those Minbari pain meds are you?’

Jack pointed to the IV drip in confirmation. ‘Why…? Oh.’ She saw the same thought cross his mind, saw him glance beyond the room, through the window, searching for Stephen. 

She found the doc out in the main infirmary, talking to one of the nurses, and when he saw her, he excused himself from the conversation. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘That Minbari drug you have him on? I think he might be having an unexpected reaction to it.’ Stephen’s eyes widened and she smiled. ‘On the plus side, he doesn’t seem to be in any pain.’

In the room, Stephen checked John’s pupil dilation and swore brightly. ‘John, you’re high as a kite!’

He shrugged. ‘I feel fine.’

‘I know. But this isn’t good for you. I’m going to have to take the dosage right down, let it clear your system before I start you on morphine. I am so sorry.’

‘It’s fine, Stephen… honestly.’

‘It won’t be when the medication wears off and you start to feel why you’re on pain meds in the first place.’ He stopped the drip and took a blood sample. ‘You need to tell me when you start to feel uncomfortable, and when I ask you how much pain you’re in, you need to tell me the truth. Okay?’

John nodded, still unbothered, finishing his breakfast. ‘Promise, doc.’

Susan followed Stephen out of the room. ‘How bad is it going to get?’

‘Well, imagine I cut you open, prise your ribs apart, slice out a piece of you from the inside with a laser cutter, cauterise the wound, stitch you back up and leave you without any pain inhibitors.’ 

‘Maybe he’s better off just being high?’

‘We don’t know what the downside of that would be. It’s not a reaction we’ve seen in other patients given that drug so I’m not sure why we’re seeing it now.’

‘Reaction to the stuff he was poisoned with on Mars?’

‘Maybe, it’s a definite possibility. We know it’s still in some of his muscle tissue.’ She watched him order up the morphine from the pharmacy. ‘I should have checked.’

‘This isn’t your fault.’

Stephen’s expression was grim. ‘Give him a couple of hours, he’ll be using my name as a swear word.’

It took three hours, which wasn’t as long as Stephen had imagined, but once John started to feel the pain, it got worse quickly. Stephen took another blood sample and ran the test, but the Minbari drug was still present. Ideally, he needed it to be gone before he administer the morphine that was ready and waiting. 

An hour after that test, John was in tears, refusing to hold Jack’s hand, worried he might crush his fingers. Stephen introduced low levels of nitrous oxide into the oxygen being delivered by the nasal cannula, but it didn’t seem to be making any difference. Jack was getting desperate too, upset by the sight and sound of John in so much pain, and Susan had left, unable to watch, accusing Stephen of torture then immediately apologising, apologising to Jack for needing to abandon him.

The monitors started to sound alarms: John’s pulse rate was rising, as was his blood pressure, and every time he tried to move to take the pressure off one wound, he hurt another. The first time he screamed, it was enough. Stephen introduced the morphine to his IV and both he and Jack held John’s hands while it took affect. Within minutes, the bruising grip of his fingers had slackened and he was boarding on unconscious, exhausted, system coming out of shock. 

Stephen wetted a cloth and wiped the sweat from John’s forehead, gently stroking the short hairs above his ear, telling him again how sorry he was. Then he stepped back and watched Jack move closer, put his arm up on John’s pillow and start the rhythmic stroking of his hair, the same as he’d done the previous day while they’d waited for John to come round from the anaesthetic after surgery.

‘He likes it,’ Jack explained without being asked. ‘It… calms him down after he’s had a particularly intense…’ He bit off whatever he was going to say.

‘Nightmare?’

Jack glanced at him and smiled. ‘Yeah. Let’s go with that.’

‘I am sorry.’

‘You weren’t to know he’d react that way. He’s okay now, right?’

‘Yes. His system just needs to recover. He should be awake again sooner rather than later, then I’ll adjust the morphine dose, make sure he’s comfortable, and take out the drainage tube.’

He did wake, looking exhausted and in pain, but nothing as bad as the excruciating agony he’d experienced before the morphine. His back hurt, his chest hurt and he could feel the catheter in his dick, the lack of control of his bladder, which he hated more than any of it. Opening his eyes, he squeezed the hand holding his and immediately got Jack’s attention.

‘John-‘

‘Make him take it out.’ He felt tired, miserable, felt tears in his eyes. He’d had enough of everything.

’Take what out?’ He glanced down, hoping Jack got the message. ‘The catheter?’ He knew, he understood. He nodded. ‘Okay. Let me go find Stephen. I’ll be back in a minute. Just relax.’ 

John closed his eyes, tears leaking on to his cheeks. He could feel the pressure in his bladder, felt himself trying to fight it as it emptied of its own accord into the tube and the bag. 

‘John?’ He gazed up at his doctor. ‘You know difficult it’s going to be without it.’

‘Please, Stephen. I don’t like it.’

‘Take it out.’ That was Jack, sounding borderline commanding, and John felt a swell of love for him that was almost overwhelming. It mixed with the pain, the humiliation of being in this state where he wasn’t in control. He just wanted to curl up and cry, but he knew how much that would hurt.

‘Okay,’ Stephen relented, and a few moments later he closed his eyes when he felt the blanket pushed aside, gripping Jack’s hand so he couldn’t be sent out of the room, feeling his pants pulled down gently, and cool, clinical fingers take a hold of his penis. The drag of the tube as it came out was uncomfortable, but the relief was all consuming. He kept his eyes closed until he was covered back up.

‘Thank you,’ he heard his own voice break on the words.

‘You tell us when you need to pee, okay?’

‘I will.’ 

‘I’ll help you, if you want to keep some things a mystery between the two of you.’

John turned his head to look at Jack, and through the blur of his tears saw something in his expression that made him feel warm and very much loved. He didn’t offer up a response, and maybe Stephen didn’t need one. 

‘I am sorry about the medication.’ Stephen told him. ‘It’s my fault you’re feeling the way you are. It’s a side effect of the pain and the drugs. It’ll pass, I promise you. Apart from the IV, you’re tube-free now. I’m going to give you a mild sedative and the next time you wake, you should feel a lot better.’

He barely felt the injection, watched Stephen leave the room, and turned to Jack, already feeling the effects of the drug.

‘Up here.’

‘John, no, your stitches…’

‘Please.’

With an almost comic roll of his eyes, Jack walked around the bed so John wouldn’t be putting any pressure on his right side. Kicking off his shoes, he hopped up onto the edge of the bed and turned so that John could rest back against him, half on his side but keeping his right side straight. He wrapped one arm around John’s waist, below the lowest of the dressings, and John felt the warmth of him through his pyjamas. 

Curling his fingers around Jack’s hand, he closed his eyes let himself be pulled into the darkness.

*

Jack opened his eyes. He couldn’t feel the arm tucked under his head, or his hip where he’d been lying on it for six hours, but John was still sleeping soundly against him and that made it worth it. He did have to move though, he needed to piss, and he could almost feel Stephen’s glare through the glass looking into the room. He eased his arm from around John’s waist, put one leg back and found the edge of the bed and slipped off backwards, heading for the IC room’s private bathroom.

Stephen was by John’s bedside when he was done. 

‘Before you start, he at least slept through.’

‘You don’t have to explain yourself, Jack. You’ve been here for him without fail. I’m the one who fucked up his medication.’

‘You didn’t fuck up. Like you said, he has a different physiology and he needed emergency surgery. I’m hoping when he wakes he doesn’t regret the choice he made last night.’

‘He won’t.’ Stephen shook his head. ‘Even if he pulls every stitch in him going to the toilet, he won’t regret that.’

‘I can help.’

‘Are you sure?’ Jack nodded. ‘I mean, are you sure it’s something he’d want you helping with?’

‘It’s not something we haven’t done before.’

It was amusing, watching Stephen trying to process that and not reaction with anything approaching judgement. ‘Okay. But… different circumstances?’

‘It’s still him and me. Trust me?’

‘I do trust you. When it comes to John, you’re possibly the only person I trust.’

‘Thank you.’

*

Stephen had been right, he felt different when he woke again, so much clearer, more balanced. He could feel the stitches in his skin, but that’s all he could feel. There was nothing else, no feelings of misery or fear; he was in the ISA infirmary under Stephen’s care. This wasn’t anywhere he hadn’t been before. Jack moved into view, taking his hand, and he didn’t look worried, didn’t look as if he’d been awake all night.

‘Hey there, beautiful. How are you feeing?’

‘So much better.’ He looked around, found Stephen. ‘Doc, I’m sorry.’

Stephen shook his head as he approached the bed. ‘Don’t you dare apologise for my mistake. The chemical imbalance you were suffering from last night, that’s my fault. The effect it had on you, that was natural under the circumstances.’

’Still… you’d think I’d be used to… tubes by now.’

‘You’ve always hated that. I only put one in when I think it’ll make your life easier, less painful, when I don’t think you’re capable of moving, or should be moving. But it’s no surprise that’s what your pain infected mind focused on.’ 

He knew Jack saw the admission in his expression before John voiced it. ‘I do need to pee.’

‘Bed pan or bathroom?’

John glanced at Stephen who shrugged. ‘You should be okay to move. Slowly. Carefully. And you’ll need to take Jack and the IV with you.’

‘This isn’t quite what I had in mind when I said we should do it again sometime,’ John murmured, one hand around the IV pole, the other back on Jack’s leg as Jack reached into the unflattering opening in the infirmary pyjama bottoms and took a tender hold of his penis. ‘You know I can do this myself.’

‘Do you want to?’

John took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and murmured, ’no’, as the cool air of the bathroom hit his sensitive skin.

‘Then let me.’ Jack pulled back his foreskin and held him gently, telling him when he ready. He was unable to let go at first, but he needed to go, and he finally managed to relax his bladder, trusting Jack to aim right. He heard the first hit of piss against porcelain, relaxed the rest of his muscles and felt the stream start. Despite the morphine-disguised pain in his chest, back and side, he was finding himself hardening in Jack’s hand as he went, making it more difficult for himself.

‘If you want me to jerk you off in an infirmary bathroom,’ Jack murmured softly, ‘I’m more than up for it. But I think Stephen’s out there timing us.’

‘That’s not the turn off I think you mean it to be,’ John muttered, and Jack barked with laughter. ‘But I don’t think I can stand up for long enough.’

‘Of course you can’t, what with the stitches holding you together.’ When he’d finished, Jack made sure he was tucked away and covered up before helping him back out and into bed, going to wash his hands before sitting up on the mattress. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Sore. I’m sorry about last night.’

‘You were effectively drugged. Stop apologising for something that wasn’t your fault.’

‘I know how it must have sounded, but I hate those things.’

‘I know. Stephen knows. He understands. And it’s not a chore, helping you out.’ He knew his smile was suggestive, and John responded by blushing beautifully. ‘Do you want me to stay with you? I’m sure the ISA can do without me for a day.’

‘No, I’m fine. Go to work. Actually, better still, go home and get some sleep.’

‘I got some sleep.’

‘In a chair, disturbed for hours, then squashed on the edge of a bed not meant for two. Go home, that’s an order from your boss.’

‘I thought you were on medical leave. Isn’t Susan technically my boss at the moment?’ He laughed at John’s expression. ‘Okay, okay, I’m going. I’ll be back in a few hours. If you need me, call, or get Stephen to.’

‘I promise.’

*

After Jack had gone, John slept until lunchtime. Stephen checked in on him every half hour, checked his vitals and his stitches without waking him. Michael checked in so soon enough after Jack had left that Stephen thought he’d been waiting until he’d gone. But maybe that wasn’t being fair. He wouldn’t let him into John’s room, determined to let his patient get a few hours of undisturbed rest. 

‘Is he okay?’ 

‘He had a bad reaction to the Minbari pain meds. He had a bad night. We all did. He sent Jack home to get some sleep.’

‘But he’s okay?’

‘He’s tired and in pain, which is why I don’t want him disturbed this morning.’

‘I understand.’

Stephen sighed. ‘Sorry. I… fucked up. What happened last night was my fault.’

‘Did you fuck up, or was it actually an accident? Because John is excruciatingly good at attracting trouble and if there was a mistake to be made, an accident waiting to happen, it will have happened to him. Give yourself a break, doc.’

He did, right up until one in the afternoon. He’d been asked to consult on a visiting Gaim dignitary who’d fallen ill during a review of planetary security. He’d managed to check on John a couple off times, and each time he’d been sleeping until the last time, when the bed was empty and Stephen assumed he’d taken himself off to the toilet.

The call from Jack came in five minutes later, asking if he’d released the patient. Of course he hadn’t, he wasn’t in any fit state to be released after the night he’d had. 

‘I was just checking,’ Jack confirmed, and by the tone of his voice Stephen knew there was something wrong.

‘Why?’

‘Because somehow he’s managed to make it home.’

He was sleeping soundly, had slept through Michael yelling at the two members of the security team assigned to him, who’d apparently aided him in his escape from the infirmary by getting him safely into a transport and accompanying him home. He’d slept through Stephen’s careful examination of his stitches. And he slept through Jack convincing the doctor to remove the IV and leave him where he was.

‘If it’s just the meds, I can administer them if he needs me to. You can fit a monitor to read his vitals. We’ve been here before, Stephen,’ Jack reminded him, and he was right.

Later, he slept through Jack undressing him later, getting him out of the medical clothing. They usually slept naked, and with the stitches covered by dressings, Jack figured it was safe to do so. He climbed in with John, pulled the comforter up around them both and settled in for an early night. With the usual alarm turned off, it was mid-morning when Jack opened his eyes. John was getting back into bed.

‘Okay?’

‘Bathroom break.’ He settled back into bed, and Jack carefully curled one arm around him. ‘Is Stephen mad at me?’

‘He’s mad at himself. Michael tore your security detail a new one. I’m just impressed you managed to get back here. If you’d asked, I’d have sprung you.’

‘It was noisy. I just wanted to come home.’

‘How did you convince the security guys to help you?’

‘I’m the president. They have to do what I say.’ 

He had a point. ‘So you shamelessly took advantage?’

‘Absolutely.’ John carefully, and with a couple of intakes of breath, rolled over on to his side, coming to rest over Jack, stroking one hand over his chest.

Jack caught it. ‘Oh, no, you don’t. You need to be resting.’

‘I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too, but I promised Stephen…’

‘What did you promise Stephen?’ John pulled his hand free again and swept it over Jack’s abdomen, stroking his left thigh, back up and down the right one, fingers sliding between his thighs. ‘Jack?’

‘It was more a vague agreement….’ He knew he should stop him but his cock wanted John’s hand on it, and what harm could it do…? He parted his legs, moaning softly as John’s fingers teased their way over the soft skin on the inside of his thigh until they hit his balls. He played with them, gently rolling them in his hand, stroking Jack’s scrotum. 

‘I want to be sucking on these,’ he murmured, and Jack groaned, cock twitching. It was a relief when John’s hand wrapped around his cock. He should have been telling him not to strain himself, to be mindful of his stitches, but he couldn’t form coherent words, just groans, he could only push up into that firm, skilled hand. But John could form words, and he was forming filthy ones. ‘I love your cock, Jack,’ he murmured, ‘love how thick it is, when it’s inside me, when it’s in my mouth. Love how it stretches me around it, my lips, my asshole. I love how relentless it is.’

Eyes closed, Jack focused on John’s hand and on his voice, on the ideas and memories and vague images it was conjuring in his mind. 

‘I know you love putting this monster inside me, splitting me open, watching yourself stretch me wide around you….’ He came with an intensity that stunned him for a moment or two, John stroking him through it, through the aftershocks, gentling his touch. Jack came back into himself, immediately guilty, 

‘Never tell Stephen I let you do that.’

‘It is literally none of Stephen’s business.’

‘I said I’d look after you.’ He really hoped John’s vitals hadn’t gone outside the monitoring parameters, or he was going to be in trouble.

‘So, look after me.’ 

He was surprised, given the drugs he’d been on, that John could get it up at all, but he was rock hard against his leg. ‘If you tear your stitches, your doctor will kill me.’

‘Please, Jack.’ There was a note of pleading in his voice, and Jack wondered if the drugs were actually making him harder. He reached down, stroking his fingertips along John’s erection, feeling him shudder against him. 

‘Want my mouth on you?’

‘God, yes. Please.’ He rolled carefully on to his back, Jack moving down the bed to lie between his legs, starting by sucking his balls into his mouth, making him moan. 

He knew from experience that keeping him still was going to be impossible, there was no point in even trying. He licked the thick vein along the underside of John’s cock, opened his mouth and took him between his lips, sliding the smooth head over his tongue to the back of his throat. John moaned, obviously trying to keep himself from writhing on the bed, holding himself still while Jack massaged him with his tongue and throat muscles, wringing his orgasm from him as he clutched at the sheets and cried out as he climaxed.

They slept until lunchtime, took separate showers and Jack made some lunch which they ate out on the balcony. They spent the rest of the afternoon on the sofa, watching old recordings of ballgames, until Stephen arrived to check on them. He took John through to the bedroom to check his stitches, and Jack followed, unhappy about leaving them alone together but not at all sure why. He stayed in the background while the doctor made sure the incisions were still clean and not showing any signs of infection or irritation, and gave him a shot; pain meds and antibiotic. John stoically sat through the examination, quietly apologising once it was over.

‘Hey, it’s my fault. I should know that unless I physically strap you to the bed, you’re going to make a break for it as soon as you’re able to stand upright.’ The words made Jack’s hackles rise, but his tone was as gentle as it always was. ‘I’m sorry I made the last twenty four hours so painful for you.’

‘Accidents happen.’

‘Not to me, not when it involves your care.’

‘It’s fine, Doc.’ Jack caught John’s gaze. ‘Although I think it might take Jack a little bit longer to get over it.’

‘Yeah. Can I… have a few minutes with him?’

John nodded. ‘Sure.’ He rose from the bed, hesitated, but wrapped Stephen in a surprise hug, which Stephen returned with the upmost care. They parted with small smiles at one another, then John went out into the living room, squeezing Jack’s hand on the way.

He looked at Jack with some trepidation. ‘I owe you an apology.’

‘For what, specifically?’

‘Screwing up his meds, not realising how unsettled he was - enough to take out his own IV and come home still dressed in just medical sweats. And for saying what I said the last time we went out. I’ve known John a long time, since the Minbari war, and I know you guys go back even further, but he means so much to me and since Mars I’ve found it difficult to strike the same balance I used to, between him as a patient and him as a friend.’

Jack nodded. ‘Thank you. Sometimes it’s… tough, dealing with you all.’

‘I can understand that. Over the years we got so used to looking out for him, trying to protect him - failing, and trying to put the pieces back together. But at the same time as we were supporting him, he was supporting us, and somewhere along the line he became ours; our captain, our leader, our John. We forget - I forget - sometimes that he isn’t anymore, and I’m sorry for that too.’

Rubbing his eyes, Jack crossed to the glass and looked out, trying to order his thoughts. ‘You don’t need to be sorry for that. He loves you guys. I need to learn to trust you all a bit more. When I saw him trying to get out of the transport from Mars, it broke something inside me. From that moment I’ve been desperate never to see him subjected to that level of… pain and terror ever again. He’s safe here, safer than he’s ever been despite the constant looming threat, the accidents, his own oddly self-destructive nature. I know none of you would… hurt him, hurt me, but sometimes I still feel like the stranger, the interloper.’

‘You know you’re neither of those things. You’re a good friend, and the man John’s chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Which makes you more a part of all this than I think you realise. If we make you feel you’re not-‘

He turned, shaking his head. ‘No. It’s not that. I’ve been made to feel welcome from the start. Except for that time when Michael told me no one would find my body if he killed me….’ He was fairly sure the only reason Stephen smiled at that was because he was smiling. ‘It’s been a long and exhausting couple of days. Give us time to regroup and we’ll be back with you.’

‘Of course. Just look after yourself and look after him.’

‘Always. Thanks, Stephen.’ It didn’t seem weird at all to hug him, and maybe John’s way was right after all.

*

‘You’re supposed to be recovering,’ Jack murmured, not hugely convincingly given his lack of protest when John’s hand had insinuated itself between his legs. 

‘My stitches are out, I must be healed.’

‘Do you want me to check that statement with your doctor?’

‘That sort of depends on whether you want to fuck me tonight, or if you’re happy with your own hand.’

‘You so don’t play fair.’ Kneeling up, legs apart, Jack enjoyed the heat of John’s hand on him. But if John carried on for much longer, it would be over far too soon. He put his hand over John’s, slowing him, but not stopping him. His own hand followed the rise and fall of John’s on his dick and it was so erotic, so intimate….

He groaned quietly when the hand on him stilled. I want you inside me.’

‘Okay… don’t let go of me.’

‘I won’t.’ 

He reached for the lube, slicked up his fingers, and watched John open his legs for him, pushing a single digit passed the tight muscle and into his body. John pressed down on him, hand still wrapped around him but not moving. He put a hand on John’s abdomen, stopping him from moving, from aggravating his freshly healed wounds. 

‘More, Jack, please?’

He added a second finger, stroking John’s belly, slipping one finger into his navel. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, and it wasn’t the first time John had responded with a little cry of pleasure, but it was the first time he’d linked the two.

‘You really like that.’ 

Adding a third finger to the first two, feeling John opening up beautifully for him, he lay between John’s legs, carefully moving his hard cock out of the way to kiss a line from his pubes to his belly button. He rimmed it gently, the same way he would his anus, a wet swipe over it, before slipping his tongue into the dip and licking experimentally, tonguing the evidently sensitive skin inside. John moaned softly, fingers pushing into Jack’s hair. The reaction surprised him, it wasn’t an erogenous zone on his own body but John seemed to be loving it, putting the pressure on his head he’d been trying to get him to exert whenever he sucked his cock. The reluctance he showed at those times was gone and he was pushing up against him as if Jack was doing something so good he shouldn’t stop.

This was a new thing for him, and not too sure what would work and what wouldn’t, Jack sealed his lips over the shallow hole and sucked, tongue still probing, pushing. He gauged John’s responses to each different thing, turning and angling his fingers in John’s ass, finding his prostate and deliberately stroking the bundle of nerves, making him yell. He started to wonder… if it was possible.... 

Rubbing the pad of his finger over his prostate again, pressing his other two fingers gently either side of it, he rose up onto his knees, putting his free hand on John’s hip to hold him steady. He didn’t stop the assault on John’s navel, licking and sucking alternatively, now and again lifting his head just slightly to fuck the tip of his tongue in and out of the dip, putting pressure on the small knot on each downstroke. He matched that to the gentle pressure he was applying inside John’s body, to the nerve endings which must have been driving him wild going by the sounds he was making. The hand in his hair was notching Jack’s own arousal up, and when John’s fingers moved to his beard, to his chin, ghosting over his busy lips, he felt it in his balls.

‘Jack… God, Jack….’

John came, taking him by surprise even though it had been his goal. He felt warm semen splashing his neck and lifted his fingers away from John’s prostate, licking in and out of his belly button before moving to lick his cock, lapping up the sweet and salty flavour of his cum, feeling the shudders of John’s body beneath him.

When he finally lifted his head, John was staring at him, wide eyed. He grinned back. ‘That was… unexpected.’

‘You’re telling me. I had no idea I was so… sensitive there.’

‘I wondered but I had no idea I could take it that far.’ He knelt up, and caught John’s meaningful glance at his erection. ‘Want this?’

‘Inside me, please. I really need you there now. I need to feel it.’

Jack pulled his fingers out slowly, reaching for the lube again, freezing when John sat up and turned on to all fours, legs open, stretched hole presented for Jack’s use.

‘We’ve never-‘

‘I know. I want to. There’s no reason not to.’

Jack’s cock made its interest very clear. ‘You don’t get a vote,’ he muttered to himself, but Christ it was tempting. Kneeling up, he slipped his thumb into the slightly open hole, sliding in easily. It was so easy to position himself like this, to slide the blunt head of his cock against John’s sphincter and watch, transfixed, as he pushed inside, the muscle giving way with a little effort to stretch around him. The pressure was incredible, the view was obscene, and John’s groan as he arched his spine and pressed himself back on to the thick shaft impaling him… Jack thrust in all the way.

‘Please, Jack….’

He pulled his hips back and fucked into the heat of his husband’s body, iron control keeping him from just slamming into him. 

But John apparently had other ideas. ‘Do it, please, let yourself go. I want to hear you, feel you, the way you want to do it.’ He grasped John’s hips, pulling out and sliding back in. ‘Harder. Come on, Love, let me have you, all of you.’

His will snapped and he ploughed into John’s willing body, met by John pushing back against him, taking him deep. When he withdrew, it was almost all the way before fucking back inside, over and over again. The room filled with the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, John’s grunts each time he bottomed out, John’s cries, dragged from his throat, getting louder. His vision blurred as his orgasm was torn from him and he pushed as deep as he could go, unloading inside John’s body, dick pulsing, body shaking with it. John dropped down to the bed, Jack going with him, staying inside him, kissing his shoulders, hoping to God he hadn’t done any damage. 

He felt John reach back and put a hand flat on his ass, holding him in place.

‘Stay there,’ he whispered, breathless, and Jack relaxed, just taking time to come back to himself, finding John’s other hand on the sheet and entwining their fingers, slippery with sweat.

‘Did I hurt you?’

‘No. No, you didn’t. It was… so good. I’ve been waiting for you to show me that again.’

‘I didn’t think I should.’

‘It’s what inside you. I’ve known that since Ganymede.’

‘If I ever hurt you….’ He slipped out, sliding to the side to lie beside him. John turned his head so they were face to face, Jack combing fingers into his sweat-damp hair. ‘I’d never forgive myself.’

‘You won’t. If you do, I’ll tell you and you’ll stop. I trust you implicitly to stop. But you weren’t hurting me. I want you, all of you, I know you have to be careful with me but I don’t want you to have to hold everything back now.’

‘You can talk,’ he murmured, drawing one finger down John’s side until he was level with his waist. ‘You should have told me about your belly button kink.’

‘It’s not a kink.’

‘You love it, John, I could have been tongue fucking your navel for months.’

‘Honestly, I didn’t know. You’re the first person to do that…. I knew I liked to be touched there, but not the effect it could have.’

‘It’s incredibly sexy.’

‘Makes me wonder where else might feel like that.’

Jack kissed him. ‘That’s why Minbari couples go through their fifty rituals, to find out things like that.’

‘In which case, maybe we should try a few of them, maybe while we’re away.’

Which sounded to Jack like a fantastic idea.

*

Vice-President Ivanova looked entirely too suspicious as she seated herself at the bar next to Jack.

‘Drink?’ He asked, and she nodded, ordered a beer.

‘What’s all this about?’ She asked, curiously, as soon as the barman had walked away.

He felt suddenly defensive, and let that feeling subside into an empathy with Marcus before he responded. ‘ You’re a friend. I just thought it would be nice to talk, get to know you a bit better. Nothing more than that, I swear. I am a very, very happily married man.’

She relaxed after that, and they talked. He told her about the Moon-Mars patrols and Ganymede, although not in detail. She told him about a lady called Talia who’d broken her heart. It seemed to connect back to that bastard Bester, the psi-cop John and Michael had murdered in cold blood and got away with it.

She told him it was nice to talk, that she appreciated his candour and his interest, but she still wanted to know why. She knew he went out with Stephen on a regular basis and understood the friction between he and Michael. He swore her to secrecy and repeated what Stephen had said to him months ago, leaving out his name, about John’s command staff all harbouring secret desires about him, and she laughed so hard she spat her beer over the bar.

‘Okay,’ she put her hand out, wiping her mouth with a napkin, not an embarrassed bone in her body. ‘Michael, yes, definitely, actively, as you know. Stephen… I buy, under the right circumstances. He loves John unreservedly. So let’s take a quick canter through the rest. Zack was only ever interested in women who weren’t interested in him. Londo is Centauri and has never looked at another man, except as political competition. Delenn… just no. She is so far from being John’s type and he her’s, it’s not even funny. Kosh… maybe, probably, as far as a Vorlon can have a hard on for a human being. G’Kar was always and will always be John’s friend. There were a plethora of Earthforce staff and liaisons, one in particular who actually got naked in John’s quarters and I think he ended up fucking her just to get rid of her. Talia you know about. Lyta was never interested in John. Corwin… I’ll be honest, I’ve no idea. But even if he had fancied the captain, he would never, ever had done anything with that.’

‘You missed someone,’ Jack pointed out.

She looked confused for a second. ‘You mean me?!’

‘The other day, you told us we should come with a fire warning.’

‘Oh, be fair! You are both very attractive men. You look hot together. I’ve always thought John was a very good looking guy, but I’ve never fancied him. He’s a friend, a good friend. That’s all it’s ever been between us. Who told you that about us all wanted to sleep with John?’

‘Stephen.’

Her eyes widened. ‘Really? Okay…. But you know, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Even if we all wanted to jump his bones, John worships you. I have never, ever seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. He wouldn’t even see the rest of us, never mind have any interest in us.’ She picked up her beer. ‘Michael didn’t stand a chance from the moment you came back into the picture. None of us realised what you were, but we should have done, looking back.’

‘Looking back on what?’

‘After you left the station the first - second - time, he kept dropping you into conversation. And whenever he talked about you, he got this little smile on his face. I should have known, honestly. After we got your mayday from the Cortez, I was with him and C&C while we waited for news from the rescue mission. He was all over the place, and when I asked him why, he told me you were too good a friend to lose. It was right there, in his eyes, I just… I didn’t realise. I was an idiot. From the moment you first came aboard John was enraptured, and after you left he was restless for months.’ She shook her head. ‘The others don’t know where you came from; they just see this man who was around for a couple of weeks, and four years later turned up out of the blue to be at John’s side while he went through what I dearly hope will be the worst days of his life. But you’ve always been around in spirit, at least as far as John’s concerned. You’ve always been in the back of his mind.’

‘He’s always been in the back of mine too.’ He didn’t know how or why that had been more or less a one night stand had stayed with him over the years, burrowed deep and remained there, waiting until the day John had boarded the Agamemnon and told him they were making a stop off at Mars. ‘Something changed between us while he was recovering. I know I fell in love with him, slowly, by increments, each time falling deeper, harder, until the thought of my life without him in it was unbearable.’

‘You kept us all sane through those days. You were there for me, for Stephen, even for Michael for Christ’s sake, and I can’t imagine how you must have felt about him, must still feel about him.’

‘Michael and I … we tolerate each other for John’s sake. I know in my head that he wasn’t responsible for what happened, but it’s difficult to square that, having picked up the pieces and heard John describe his nightmares. He feels that I came in and stole John right out from under him, which I did, technically, but I don’t think John would’ve ever been comfortable enough to go back to what they had before Bester intervened.’

‘You didn’t steal him. He made his own decision.’

‘I think Michael believes I engineered it.’

‘You can’t make someone love you. Before the war, before Mars, John was a free spirit, as far as EarthForce let him be. I didn’t know where he’d got that from until I met you. Clarke… clipped his wings. He needed you to help him fly again. Metaphorically speaking. You gave him back to us. Michael couldn’t have done that.’

‘I understand how Michael feels because I know how I’d have felt if John had rejected me. I don’t think I could have stuck around once he no longer needed me. Michael’s a stronger man than me.’

‘I don’t think that’s true. You’ve been through so much of John’s hell with him.’

‘I’ve looked in from the sidelines, that’s all. The stuff he remembers, the things he describes to me… I’m not sure I would have survived what he did.’

She sighed softly. ‘I guess… he was trained for it. Kosh was gaslighting him from the start, making him into the man the Vorlons needed him to be, to put him front and centre in the Shadow war. After he went to Z’Ha’Dum, Lorien did the same thing, manoeuvring him away from the Vorlons to stand between the two sides. When that was over, John had already been manipulated into leading the charge against Clarke and EarthGov…. He’s been someone else’s puppet for too long. You came along and freed him, whether you know it or not, because you’re here for him and nothing, no one else. Never underestimate how important that is.’

‘Thank you.’ He meant it.

‘You’re welcome. Now I have a question for you.’

‘Ask away.’

‘Why do you call him Swamp Rat?’

Jack laughed, he couldn’t help it. ‘I’ve been expecting someone to ask me from the moment I stepped aboard B5!’

‘John said it was a long story, promised to tell me one day and hasn’t gotten around to it.’

‘It’s very rude story, and I’m not sure it’s mine to tell. Suffice it to say, he got the name after a night in a club on Io.’ He knew she was running through the clubs she knew, or had known, saw the moment she thought she’d hit on the right one. ‘Not… Paradise?’ He nodded. ‘The one with the chorus line acts?’ Another nod. ‘He didn’t…. ALL of them?’

Jack shrugged. ‘Like you said, he’s a good looking guy.’

‘Wow. I have a whole new level of respect for him.’ She took a swig of her beer. ‘So… where did the nickname Stinky come from?’

‘Ah, that’s an easy one. You know that thing he had about washing his socks and leaving them to dry in the shower?’ Clearly, she didn’t. ‘Well, it’s a good luck thing, superstition. So, I had a similar thing but the opposite. I refused to wash my socks during a mission. It’s bad luck. If it was a long mission… that’s how I got the name Stinky. It wasn’t just John, it was the whole platoon.’

‘Where did you pick that up from?’

‘A guy who was with me at the training camp. He never washed his socks while we were out on training manoeuvres. The others in our group, they thought it was disgusting, so one night while he was sleeping they put his feet, still wearing his socks, in a bucket of cold water. Next day, he caught a stray live round straight in the chest. Died instantly. All of us, the whole team, swore never to wash our socks during a mission. You find a lot of stories like that; strange taboos, habits that have come out of things which were accidents, coincidences. Us soldiers are a strange species. You must have stories.’

‘I thought I did. John really had calmed down by the time I knew him. I hadn’t realised.’

‘He was with Anna by the time you met him, hadn’t he?’

‘That’s true.’

‘He changed when he met her. He fell in love almost instantly and settled down. I only met her once, at their wedding, but he was obviously head over heels in love.’

‘Did you regret not… trying to keep hold of him?’

‘No. Back then, it absolutely wouldn’t have worked. We were both career military. Maybe I hoped our paths might cross again some day, that the old spark might light something between us; nothing serious, another one night stand, maybe slightly more. I never imagined I’d end up falling head over heels in love with him myself, marrying him, settling on Minbar of all places. Life has a very quirky sense of humour.’

She nodded, raised her glass. ‘Here’s to that. And to a very happy honeymoon.’


End file.
